Learning to Love June

Finding someone to love is like when you look up in the night sky and there’s a million stars. But there’s always that one star that shines the brightest and longest. As Jessica walks out of my room with her back to me, all I can think about is Kellan. His eyes, his smile his hair, the way he kisses the base of my neck because he knows that’s my weak spot.

I know that I just want to run to him, wrap him up in my arms and never let him go. I know that he’s my star. But I don’t, because I know that right at this moment, my best friend and I really need to have a talk. And it’s not going to be easy. But usually when you fight for something you love, it’s never easy.

I grab my phone and dial Becky’s number, she might not pick up I know, but then I’ll just dial again. But surprisingly she does answer, and when she does I feel like my heart is soaring.

“We need to talk, meet me in the park in five minutes,” I tell her, and hang up before she can say anything else or I lose my nerve.

It takes me four minutes to get to the park, and when I do it’s empty. The last kid has left with his mom moments ago because I can see them walking away from me, hand in hand with their Dad nowhere in sight. Maybe he’s left them too; maybe he couldn’t be bothered to come to the park, but whatever the reason my heart reaches out to the little boy.

“So you said we needed to talk?” Becky says behind me and I jump, I look at my watch to see it’s been exactly five minutes.

I turn around and look at her, her cheeks are red and her hair is flopping to the side. For a second I remember when I used to think her hair was awful, when I used to think that she was never going to find love. But then I remember my sister sitting at him and my heart melts because Jessica see’s the same thing I do in Becky. She can see the beauty, the way her eyes are so dark they’re almost black, the curve of her lips when she smiles and the way her eyebrows have always been perfect.

“We do need to talk,” I say and take a deep breath, “I was wrong,” I say, and she makes a face and I know she’s confused.

“I thought I knew everything Becky, I thought I had it all figured out,” I continue, sitting down on the swing behind me and feeling it groan against my weight.

“What are you talking about?” She asks, sitting next to me and kicking her feet into the ground.

“I thought you were in love with me,” I say quickly, before I can stop myself and I look up to see her eyes go wide and her mouth turn down. “But I was wrong,” I add, “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions and I should’ve talked to you about it and I’m sorry.”

“So why are you saying this all of the sudden?” She asks, and I can see her nose scrunch up like it does when she’s thinking.

“Because today Jessica kissed Kellan,” I say, and burry my head in my hands.

“She what?” Becky says and her eyes get so wide I think they’re going to fall out of her head.

“But we talked,” I say, holding a hand on her shoulder to calm her down, “And she told me that she was in love with you.”

Becky’s face is still for a second, but then the very corners of her mouth turn up and I know she’s fighting back a giant smile.

“You’re my best friend Becky,” I say, looking her in the eyes, “And I love you, and I want you to be happy, but next time, please just tell me and don’t make me figure it out for myself,” I say and give a little laugh.

She nods quickly, wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me in for a hug that pulls me out of my swing, “I’m so glad you’re back June.”

I laugh and hug her back, feeling her wrapped up inside me like she should be, “Me too.”

&&

I look at the red door and wonder why the hell I’m here. I hear a honk behind me that tells me that Jessica and Becky are still there, supporting me.

I should leave, turn around and get in the car, tell them that he wasn’t home. I shouldn’t be here, I should leave. I keep telling myself that and just as I turn my body an inch to walk down the sidewalk, the door opened and a woman was standing there. Her dark hair was cut short and her eyes looked tired and worn, but they were the same color as Kellan’s and my heart sped up.

“Hi, how can I help you?” She asks, giving me a smile that I knew was real.

“Is Kellan home?” I asks, shifting my weight from foot to foot.

“Kellan? Yeah he’s home, do you want to come in?” She asks, moving aside to make room for me in the doorway. My stomach fell to my feet and I thought I was going to throw up, but I took the step into the house.

“He’s up in his room, if you want to go see him,” She says but then pauses for a second, “I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself, I’m Mrs. Foster, and you are?”

“June,” I say gratefully and take her hand, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she says, “Kellan talks about you all the time,” she says and I can feel myself blush.

Before she can say anything else though she’s walking further down the hallway and I turn to look up the stairs. I don’t think I can do this, but as my feet slowly start to take a mind of their own I know that I have to do this weather I’m ready or not.

The hallway is full of doors and I probably would’ve spent forever knocking on each one of them if the last door hadn’t opened and Kellan hadn’t walked out.

“Hey mom who was at the door?” he shouts but then he sees me and his face freezes. Just hearing his voice makes my heart speed up and my hands start to shake. I want to run over to him and kiss him until I die, but I don’t because now my feet have decided not to move.

“Kellan,” I say because it’s all my mouth will let me say.

“What are you doing here?” He asks, taking a step down the hallway towards me and I’m so afraid that he’s going to be angry.

“You broke my Dad’s lamp,” I tell him, looking down at the carpet under my feet and I probably should’ve taken my shoes off.

“Oh,” he says, stopping in his tracks and shifting his weight. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be, it was an ugly lamp,” I shrug.

“Okay.”

There’s a silence that sets in around us and it’s so thick that it’s going to suffocate me. “I’m really sorry Kellan,” I tell him when my words start to work again.

“What?” he asks, his voice coated in shock.

“I said I’m sorry,” I repeat, this time turning my head down because I’m so embarrassed.

“Why are you sorry,” he says, stepping closer again and I just want to touch him.

“Because I overreacted, and I wouldn’t listen to you,” I shrug not really knowing what to say.

“But I’m the one who kissed your sister,” he says, running a hand through his curls and I want to be that hand.

“I know,” I say quickly, not wanting to think about it, “But she told me everything, and… I know that it didn’t mean anything.”

“So do you forgive me?” He asks, and I can see that his eyes are so full of hope and his lips are so kissable.

“I forgive you,” I smile, stepping closer to close the last of the gap between us and I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Good, because if you didn’t I’d be pretty upset,” he smirks that same smirk that makes me go crazy and leans forward to finally, finally press his lips to mine.

When our lips meet I can feel the world exploding and I know that I could stay like this forever. I know that if we break away we have to deal with everything else in the world. But when he slips his arms around my waist and presses against the sliver of bear skin exposed there, I know that we’re going to be okay.

Maybe I don’t know everything though; maybe love is still some sort of mystery lying right outside of my fingertips. But I don’t care because right now, with my hands curled around Kellan’s locks of hair, I know that I’m holding my invitation to that secret club that I’ve always wanted to be a part of.

And when all is said and done, that’s all I ever wanted.