Learning to Love June

Jessica bursts in the door that night, her face all lit up in a particular way and I know that she's in love again. It's the face that I always imagine myself making when that one Prince Charming comes and sweeps me off my feet. But I'm not wearing that face as my sister glides in the door and slams it shut with her heel.

"So who's the lucky guy?" I ask, looking up from my homework.

She looks at me as if she's startled that I'm actually there, and I ignore the pain of being forgotten so easily. Instead I think about the fact that her homework will probably never get done, and she'll never graduate and I'll be the one off living the dream.

"How do you know there's a guy?" She asks, even though she's smiling in that way and I just know it's a guy.

"It's always a guy," I say, keeping my eyes locked on hers.

She shrugs and throws her backpack on the table, where it lands with a bang. She didn't even bother to come in the house when she dropped me off on the way home from school. I figured it was because she had something much more important to do than homework.

"So who is it?" I ask, feeling a little flustered that I actually have to ask a second time, and wondering why she doesn't just tell me.

She sighs briefly and it's like her mind is a thousand miles away, "Jeffery Foster."

I can't help but be a little bit surprised. Jeffery Foster is the most amazing looking, and most popular senior in Keatington High. Even though Jessica is just a year younger than him, I know that he never really dates younger girls. I know this because last year, when I was a freshman, one of my bolder (and slightly better looking) friends asked him on a date. And he practically laughed in her face and called her a kid. I wonder if Jessica knows how big of a deal this is, and by the way she's smiling, I know she does.

"Whoa, that's pretty amazing," I say, trying to get her to open up to me.

She simply nods and stands up from the chair she collapsed in. "He's taking me out again tonight."

"But it's a school night," I point out, knowing that she won't even care.

"So?" She asks, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she prances away. I look after her for a bit, wondering what it's like to kiss Jeffery Foster.

Of course Jeffery has a brother my age, Kellan. But he's socially awkward, and keeps to himself. His glasses are the kind you see on the bands that wear skinny jeans, big and square with black frames. Even though I would never admit this out loud, I've always thought they were pretty hot on him. But no one cares about Kellan, who was out shined by his older brother in so many different ways. He's not as strong, as cute, or as outgoing. He's just Kellan. And for a moment I wonder if he ever feels the same way about Jeffery as I do about Jessica. Like he's just not good enough.

I snap out of it then, having no idea why Kellan Foster popped into my head. I look around the kitchen quickly, the sun filtering through the lights and making everything look yellow. You can see all the different dust motes twirling through the air, like they're dancing. I watch them for awhile, letting my mind drift around the contents of my brain until it feels like I have nothing left to think about.

Just then as Jessica bounds down the steps I have something else to think about. Her shorts are too short, her shirt too tight and her hair so shiny that it almost hurts to look at. She looks good in a slutty way, and I'm shocked. Jessica was never one of those girls who pranced around with her entire body hanging out. She was pretty enough not to have to do that. As I watch her walk out the door without so much as a goodbye, I wonder why she would be doing all this if she already has Jeffery Foster. But then I know that I don't really want to think about it.

Thankfully, the phone rings, so I don't have to think about Jessica anymore.

"Hello?" I say into the phone, hearing the soft crackle that phones always seem to make.

"Hey June," Becky says in a happy voice, like I've just made her day by picking up the phone.

"Hey," I say, standing up and leaving my homework unfinished as I march up the stairs and into the room that shared the wall with Jessica's. It was strange not to hear her early-evening babble with God-knows-who. I lean back into the pillows all stacked up on my bed and trace a crack on the ceiling with my eyes.

"Did you finish your homework?" She asks right away, ever the good girl.

"Yeah," I lie, my mind still half a world away. "Did you finish yours?"

"Of course," She scoffs like she's offended that I actually had to ask her.

I laugh once and push back into the pillows, "So why'd you call? Do you need anything?" I ask, trying to get down to business.

"I just wanted to talk to someone," She says in the same slightly self-pitying way.

"Okay," I say softly, not wanting to make her anymore upset.

"Why? Are you busy?" She asks.

"No," I say, thinking about my unfinished homework and feel a pang of guilt. But I try not to think about it.

Feeling guilty is worst feeling in the world.

&&

"Couldn't you possibly be ready on time for once?" Jessica asks as I slide into the car the next morning.

I shrink back into the seat and don't say anything. The last thing I want now is to be insulted by my sister.

She sighs as we pull out of the driveway, that same dreamy and far away sigh as before. "So how did the date go last night?" I ask, trying to distract her.

She snaps her head and looks at me like she's just realized I'm there again, "It was great," She says with a jaw-splitting smile.

I try to smile back at her with the best of my ability, "Where'd you guys go?"

"Just around," She says mysteriously and I ignore the pang of being out of the loop again. Instead of trying desperately to save the conversation, I let it drop and let silence fill the air like a blanket. It feels comfortable and quiet as the sun is just starting to peek of the tree-trops and the entire sky is lit up like a lamp. If you strain your ears you can hear birds inging in the distance and the sound makes me smile on the inside.

Just as everything is starting to look beautiful and serene, Jessica turns on the radio and heavy beat pumps through the air and scares off the perfect day.

I shut my eyes and try not to think awful thoughts about Jessica as we pull into the school parking lot. She parks in the same spot that she does everyday, like they keep it reserved just for her. I jump out of the car the second she has it in park and start my way to the school. This time I don't look around or wait to get found and make my own way to my locker, knowing Becky will meet me there if she really wants too.

Just as I slam my locker shut and start looking around the commons for the familiar spike-filled head I see Jeffery and my sister walk in the school together hand-in-hand. I look at them and think about how perfect she looks in that moment, a smile on her face and her hand molded to Jeffery's like they were meant to be together.

"Hey," Becky says behind me, making me jump.

"Jesus you scared me!" I say, as she slides in front of me and blocks Jessica and Jeffery from my field of view. But just to the side of her head and walking right behind his brother, I see Kellan Foster walking down the hall with his head bent and his sneakers looking beat and worn, in fact everything on Kellan looks worn, from his patched jean jacket to his hole-filled jeans. It's a stark contrast from his brother who looks like some kind of clothing model in brand-new clothes that probably cost as much as a car. I can't help but think about why Kellan doesn't like to buy new things like his brother does. And then I wonder why I'm thinking about Kellan Foster again.

As if he was reading my mind, his head looks up and his eyes meet with mine. For the first time in my life I realize that his eyes are almost golden, the same color as the sunshine on a perfect day.

And then I have to look away because I know I shouldn't be thinking about Kellan Foster.