Learning to Love June

Here is one of the first things I ever learn about Kellan Foster: he doesn’t wear socks. I know this because the first thing he did when he walked into the house was kick his shoes into the corner, revealing bare feet. For some odd reason this didn’t strike me as unattractive, only as unique.

“So, we’re going up to my room to study,” Jessica declares suddenly, slammed the door shut behind her and grabbing Jeffery’s hand. “And don’t bother us,” She adds quickly while Jeffery smirked and I tried to keep mental images out of my head.

Kellan just rolled his eyes as the two bounded up the steps, his eyes glancing over the room and making me feel self-conscious. It was like I was seeing my house in a brand new set of eyes- his eyes. Was the floor too shiny to the point of being obnoxious? Was the painting that I did in third grade tacky? Were my shoes too messy in the corner?

I looked up the steps again at where Jessica and Jeffery had disappeared to, and Kellan followed my gaze, “Ten bucks they’re having sex,” He says with a slight nod in that direction and making a face.

I looked at him, my mouth hanging open again because I couldn’t believe he just said that.

He shrugged in the silence that followed, giving me a guilty grin, “You know it’s true.”

I shook the thought away from my head and treaded into the kitchen, not daring to say anything. The silence was echoing all around the house and jumping off the walls like some sort of mocking laugh. I couldn’t believe that I didn’t have anything to say to him, until I finally thought of something.

“So why are you here?”

He looksup from the floor, where his gaze had been fixed and his eyes met mine, then they scrunched in confusion, “Do you not want me to be here?”

I look back into his eyes, the same color as the sunset and then shook my head, “It’s not that, but, why would you choose to come here if you didn’t have to?”

He thought for a second, his eyes gazing off at something beyond my shoulder before they finally began to focus again, “I figured that you’d be pretty lonely without someone else,” He said, but I couldn’t tell if it was the truth or not. I couldn’t tell a lot of things about Kellan, and then I glanced at his feet and figured he was the biggest mystery that I’d ever encountered.

“Really,” I say, not meeting his gaze for fear I’d lose my nerve.

“Yep,” He says, popping the ‘p’ and grinning, “Why does that surprise you?”

Because I’ve never said to words to you in my life, I want to say, but of course I don’t, “No reason.”

He shrugs and looks around again, like he’s trying to commit everything to memory. “Nice house,” he finally comments.

I flush a deep red and my gaze drops to the counter top, “Thanks,” I mumble.

“Anytime,” He says and I look up to see him smiling at me and I can’t help but think that he’s got a pretty smile.

I walk past him awkwardly, trying not to lean into him at all as I brush him and notice that he doesn’t smell overpoweringly like cologne, but just fresh clean soap and that’s a nice smell. I sit down on the living room couch and tuck my legs up under me so I don’t look like I’m taking up too much room.

“Do you like Jessica much?” Kellan suddenly asks me when he sits down next to me, his legs splayed out in front of him and his feet resting on the coffee table, which my mom hates.

I look at him and crinkle my brow in confusion, “Why do you ask that?”

“You seem kinda’ scared of her,” He says looking me directly in the eyes like he’s reading me again. “Why is that?”

“I do?” I ask, trying my best to keep my emotions from showing on my face.

“Yeah you do,” He says, “You also answer a lot of questions with more questions.”

I turn scarlet again and look down at the floor, counting the speckles in the carpet as the silence sinks in again.

“I’m not afraid of her,” I say when I find my voice again.

“I think you are,” He says.

“But why do you think that?”

“You always want to know the why behind something,” He says with a sigh, “It’s just a feeling I got.”

“Well it’s not true,” I say, sounding much sharper than I meant to.

He looks taken back for a second, his eyes flashing to an emotion I can’t read before he finally settles on indifference, “If you say so.”

I cross my arms quickly and turn toward the TV, reaching for the remote to turn it on and hopefully drown out Kellan.

&&

“Hey guys we’re done studying,” Jessica says as she bounds down the steps with Jeffery in tow, “What have you guys been up to?”

Kellan smirks at the studying part but refrains from commenting thankfully, and saves me from either further embarrassment. “We’re doing this obviously,” He answers, and I actually have to bite back a laugh.

“Oh,” Jessica says, clearly stumped for a moment, “Well is anyone hungry?” She says, avoiding the topic and turning to face the kitchen.

“Yes food!” Jeffery cheers and wraps his arms around Jessica from behind, “Are you going to make me a sandwich?”

“Hell no,” Jessica snaps, whirling around to face him, “You make your own sandwich.”

Jeffery holds up his hands in surrender and leans in to kiss her, “Okay, okay I’m sorry.”

Jessica rolls her eyes but gives in and kisses him, which makes me turn away quickly, embarrassed that I was watching them. When I do I see that Kellan is still giving me that look, but only this time it’s like he really can read into my thoughts and it makes me want to slap him.

“Are you hungry?” I ask him, standing up just for something to do.

“Not really,” He says, his eyes cast on the TV for a moment, “So you don’t have to make me a sandwich,” He says with a smirk.

I scoff and smack his arm, knowing that it didn’t hurt but hoping it did and standing up. “I’ll be in my room,” I announce and trudge up the steps, hoping that no one follows me.

No one does, and I slam my door shut, running a quick hand through my hair and taking a deep breath. Walking over to my bed I collapse into the fabric and breathe in the familiar sent of fabric softener and my perfume. I look at the ceiling and know that I should call Becky to talk about our fight today, but instead my mind wanders down the steps to where Kellan is sitting so close to me. In my house, which I never thought would happen.

And then I remember that he annoys me. And that he thinks he knows everything about me.

Then I think that he doesn’t know anything about me, I mean he’s just Kellan Foster.

And then I have to wonder why I’m still thinking about him.