Learning to Love June

I’m almost positive that Jessica knows I kissed Kellan. When they leave it’s just me and her in the living room, looking at each other and wondering about who should say something first. I can feel the awkwardness pressing down on the air like it’s going to flatten us both.

She opens her mouth to say something at the same exact time I say “What’s up?” I know it’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever said, but I was becoming desperate.

She looks up, like she’s surprised about what I said, “N-nothing,” She says with her eyebrow cocked. “Why?”

I shrug, watching the conversation I tried to start flounder and die out in the waters right before my eyes.

Jessica sighs and the sound seems to fill the entire room, pressing me up against the wall, pinning me there. She only sighs when she’s about to say something important, and I feel like it’s not going to be good.

“Did you talk to Becky yet?” She blurts suddenly and I give her a weird look. Why would she waste a sigh on that question?

“Uh, not yet, I should probably call her though…” I say, trailing off and looking at her, “Why the heck do you want to know?”

“No reason,” she says too quickly and I suddenly think she’s hiding something from me. Like her and Jeffery are going to be going at it all night and she wants to make sure I’m occupied.

“Okay,” I say, standing slowly, “Have you talked to mom yet?” I ask, wondering what she thought about that.

“No,” she whispers, “I mean I haven’t seen her yet.”

“She’s acting weird.”

“Well maybe she’s just happy.”

“Why the heck would she be happy?” I ask, crinkling up my eyebrow.

“Well maybe she really likes this guy,” Jessica offers with a small smile on her face.

“Yeah right,” I scoff, “His name is Rob.”

“So?”

“So, mom won’t fall in love again, I mean… it’s just not her.”

“What do you mean it’s just not her?” Jessica asks, folding her arms across her chest.

“She’s too old to fall in love,” I say, knowing it’s true.

Jessica sighs again and I feel like I should alert the media, two sighs in one day, that’s got to be pretty big. “You don’t know the first thing about love June.”

“Yeah I do!” I say, getting offended, “I know more than most people.”

“You think you know more than most people, but love is a lot more complicated than you think,” she says, patting my arm like I’m some stupid kid who doesn’t know why the sky is blue.

“No it’s not, I mean, love is easy. Boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, they get married, and have kids.”

She looks at me like I’m not getting something huge, “You really are stupid.”

“I’m not stupid!” I say quickly, glaring at her slightly. “You’re the stupid one.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You sleep with so many guys you’re eventually going to end up pregnant or with a serious case of herpes!” I yell and then clap a hand over my mouth because I know I’ve gone too far.

Jessica’s face pinches up like it does when she’s about to cry and she turns away slightly, “You think you know everything June. But you don’t know the first thing about love.” She says, walking away before turning around to face me, her eyes are red and I feel horrible. “And just so you know, I’m a virgin!”

I watch her disappear down the hallway and feel another mix of emotions boiling through me. Anger, sadness, and guilt.

I want to talk to Kellan, but then I think about our sort-of kiss and wonder what he’s thinking now. Maybe he never wants to kiss me again, maybe I’m the only one who felt fireworks. Maybe I’m just a loser who doesn’t know anything.

I can’t talk to Kellan, so I do the next best thing. I call Becky.