Live For the Sake Of Living

The next day, I couldn't wipe the silly grin off my lips. Jesse had kissed me, and I couldn't be more ecstatic. I hadn't been with a guy since I was strung out on drugs, and even then it was just for the sex. But I had a feeling this could be different for me and Jesse - if we even had anything going on. Surely he wouldn't have just kissed me for no reason. It's just not how things work. He either liked me, or just wanted to get in my pants. And I was pretty sure it was the former of the two.

Everything I would see him in the halls, I would blush insanely, which would cause him to chuckle as he walked by. He obviously knew the spell he had over me from that one little kiss, and I bet he was quite proud of himself for reducing me to a puddle of goo whenever he was near me.

The end of the school day finally came, and I was looking forward to the ride home with Jesse. Would he kiss me again? Or was it really just a one time thing?

"Hey, you ready to go?" came his sweet voice, and I quickly shut my locker, smiling up at Jesse and into the deep brown chocolaty pools that were his eyes. Nodding, I slung my bag over my shoulder, and we didn't say a word until we were both out to the car.

"So, how was your day?" he asked as he started the car and revved the engine, pulling out of his parking space.

"It was alright," I said quietly, and he just nodded, pulling out onto the street. "How was yours?"

"Well, it was the usual. But it's better now," he said, looking at me briefly with a smile, and I rolled my eyes at his cliché line, causing him to laugh. It didn't take very long in the afternoon traffic to get to my house, and Jesse parked in his usual place on the side of the road, right in front of the walk up to the house.

"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked, reaching for the handle to open the door.

"Well, wait a second," Jesse said, and I turned back to him, feeling my heart flutter. This was it...

"Yeah?"

"Um... Charlotte, I like you."

Smiling unsurely, I said, "I like you too, Jess..." I mean, we were best friends after all.

"No, like... really like you. That sounds so high school when I say it out loud," he said, laughing at himself.

"Well, we are in high school. But, I really like you too," I admitted quietly. "But before you haul off and ask me to be your girlfriend, if that's what you intend on doing, there's something I should warn you of first," I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. It could ruin everything; but it wouldn't be right if I didn't tell him.

"Well, what is it then so I can hurry up and ask you?" he said cheekily, and I forced a wavering smile. Once he saw that, he got a little more serious.

"Jesse, I have HIV."

The car was silent for a good minute as Jesse looked down at the steering wheel, the sound of the rumbling engine the only thing cutting through the air.

"...Are you serious?" he asked, and I nodded, fearing he was about to kick me out of his car and race down the street like a maniac. "Was it because of last year?" he asked quietly.

"No, I was born with it because my birth mother was big on intravenous drugs before she got pregnant with me," I explained, thinking he was taking the news better than I thought he would.

"That really sucks," Jesse said, sighing as the look on his face conveyed sadness and confusion.

"You're tellin' me," I mumbled, looking up at my house through the car window. "You're handling this a lot better than I thought you would," I admitted, looking back at him.

"Well, it's not like I'm gonna get it from sitting next to you, or kissing you... I mean, I know how the disease works. My uncle on my dad's side got to the disease a few years ago," he explained, and it was then my turn to be shocked.

"Really?" I asked, and Jesse nodded. I suddenly felt a bit more relieved that he understood what I was dealing with. Sighing deeply, Jesse turned to me again, his mood suddenly lifting.

"So, what do you say?"

"To what?" I asked, and he smiled.

"To being my girlfriend," he pointed out.

"Uhm... Does the whole HIV thing completely unfaze you?"

"Well, it's not like we're fucking or anything. I saw we just worry about that hurdle when we get to it, and just go for it for now," he said, sending me a sincere smile, so I nodded quickly, smiling back as I leaned over and kissed him.

"So I take that as a yes?" he asked, and I nodded again. Smiling even wider, Jesse pressed his lips to mine again.

"I should get inside, and you've gotta get home," I whispered once he'd pulled away, and he nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said, and neither of us could stop smiling.

I got out of the car and headed to the house, looking over my shoulder to see Jesse's car pull onto the road and drive away, much like he had last night.

Sighing, I walked inside and kicked my shoes off. Stepping into the kitchen, I saw Michelle pull away from the window facing the road, the blinds snapping shut as she whirled around to see me.

"...Were you just spying on me?" I asked slowly, and her cheeks flushed red. "You were!"
"Yeah, well... you were kissing that friend of yours," she said back, and we both smiled.

"He's my boyfriend now, as of five minutes ago," I said, and Michelle's smile died. "What?"

"Do you think that's such a smart decision?" she asked. "I mean, you have to at least let the boy know that you're sick..."

"Already did, mom, and he took it really well. And if the time comes and the relationship escalates, we've decided to really discuss the issue. He's basically fine with it and I'm just glad he understands the disease," I explained.

"Well, I'm very proud of you for being so responsible then," Michelle beamed, and I rolled my eyes.

"I've got work to do, I'll be up in my room."