Live For the Sake Of Living

After proving that I could go out of the house and come home safe and in one piece, Brian had decided to let me finish up the last few weeks of school actually at school, warning the administration that if anything happened to me, there would be a lawsuit against them for negligence of the safety of a student. Needless to say, nothing happened to me again.

Apparently while I was gone there had been a lockdown search, and a lot of Aryn's and Demetra's crew, including Demetra herself, had been suspended from school for possession of illegal substances. They were all facing expulsion, and I wouldn't have to see them for a long time, the way things looked.

Everything was finally falling into place, after all that time, after all the struggles I had gone through. And finally, the kids at school had better things to talk about than Charlotte Haner. I was under the radar now.

I walked through the door into the kitchen after spending the day out with Jesse and the band, getting to know them better. Michelle appeared to be just finishing up with making dinner, and she flashed me a smile when I walked in.

"Hey Mom."

"Hey, how was your day?" she asked, going over to the cupboards and pulling out plates to set the table with. "Can you set these out for me?" she asked, handing them over, and I nodded, taking them from her.

"It was good, I had a lot of fun," I answered, setting the plates down on the table. I saw an envelope lying near my place setting, and reading the front I saw it was from the school.

"What's this?" I asked, slowly picking it up.

"Oh, that came for you today while you were gone..." Nodding, I took a seat at my place, opening the envelope and pulling out the letter inside. It was from the Superintendent of the school board. Eyes skimming the page, I quickly read.

"What's it say?" Michelle asked, leaning back on the counter nearby.

"...They want me to give a speech at the school for the graduation ceremony in a week. The administration thinks it would be a good inspirational message if the students heard my story and learned from it..." I said, reading over the paper once more.

"Really?" she asked excitedly. "That's great!"

"Easy for you to say... I don't know how to give a speech! I don't know what to say..."

"Well, maybe if you jot down some things on paper, you'll get some ideas. You'll think of something."

Up in my room after dinner, I did what Michelle had suggested, getting out a piece of paper and gathering ideas of what to write my speech on. At first nothing came to me, and I decided to go online, searching for something inspirational to give me ideas on what I would possible have to say to a class who might not even give me the time of day.

I had obviously already decided to briefly touch on my life in the past year or so, giving insight into what really happened that screwed my life up so much. But I needed more, needed something that would really stick in the students' heads. And after a few minutes of searching, I found just the thing.

"Before I present to you all the graduating class of 2015, I would like Charlotte Haner to please come up and present the graduates with a farewell speech," the Superintendent said from the podium in the middle of the auditorium stage. I was sat in the front row with Brian and Michelle (Zacky and his fiancée Sarah had agreed to take Jack for the time being because we knew he wouldn't be able to sit still for the ceremony), and I slowly stood, straightening out the dress pants I was wearing and making my way to the stairs, getting up on the stage and walking to the podium. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and briefly asked myself why I had agreed to do this. Stepping up to the podium, the Superintendent flashed me a reassuring smile, and I returned the gesture, although wobbly. Clearing my throat, I took a deep breath.

"When I was asked to make a speech for this ceremony, I didn't really know what to say. But after awhile of thinking, I finally realized what needed to be said," I started, looking out at the gathering of parents and family members. I glanced down at my dad, and he smiled, nodding once at me to continue.

"I was supposed to be graduating with this class today, but due to circumstances that could have been avoided, I'm not. Last year I struggled a lot. I got mixed in with the wrong crowd and started experimenting with drugs, thinking that maybe they could just... make everything okay again in my life, because things were starting to really go wrong. I couldn't have been anymore misled, and I didn't realize what I had done to myself until it was too late.

"But, thank God, I had one person left in my life who was willing to help me get better, and he did," I said, trying to force the prickly feeling in my eyes to go away as I looked down at Brian again.

"After I got better, there were a lot of events that turned my world completely upside down, and they've made me realize that life is just too short to throw away like I had before.

"While I was thinking of things to say here today, I came across a poem called The Man In the Glass, by Anonymous, and after reading it I realized how true it was, so... I'm going to read that for you.

"When you get all you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict costs most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please - never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass."

Taking a breath, I paused before continuing.

"When I ruined my life and messed around with things I shouldn't have, I hated myself. I hated the person I had turned into. I was so alone, and there were a lot of times I just wanted to give up...

"So what I'm trying to say to you all as you go into the world, is always be true to yourself. It doesn't matter what others think - you don't have to spend your whole life trying to impress everyone else and fit in just so you can have a place to belong. The only person that matters in making life decisions is yourself. People will come and go in your life, and they can abandon you at the drop of a hat, and at the end of the day the only person you have left is yourself. And if you don't like the person you've turned into, life alone will be longer than you could have ever asked for. Listen to your heart, go out into the world, and be safe. Congratulations, Class of 2015."

I pulled away from the microphone and took a deep breath, and hear the applause echoing around the auditorium. Looking out at the audience, my eyes widened as I saw some people standing up, and I truly felt honored.

Blinking back tears, I walked off the stage and took a seat next to my dad, looking at him surprised as people were still applauding.

"Damn that was good," I breathed out, realizing that what I had come up with was better than I had expected.

"I'm so proud of you," Brian said, kissing the side of my head. "You did amazing."