Live For the Sake Of Living

They sent me to the front desk of the waiting room to fill out paperwork, and I wasn't even finished with it when a doctor came out, asking for me.

"Mr. Haner, she's losing a lot of blood, and we don't think she'll make it unless a blood transfusion is performed on her. This means you're going to have to fill out another form for that to show you give us full permission to do that," the doctor said.

"Oh God," Michelle said from next to me.

"That's not a problem. Hell, I'll even give her some of my blood if it matches," I said, standing up.

"Alright. Since you're a direct relative there's a higher chance that if your blood matches, her body will take it better. So, if you could just follow me down to the Phlebotomy room, we can get started," the doctor said. I left the paperwork with Michelle for her to fill out whatever she could.

"I'll be right back," I said, squeezing her hand. She nodded, and I followed the doctor down to the Phlebotomy lab. They got me all strapped down and got the needle in my arm, filling up a pint bag of blood. It tok about ten minutes and I wanted while they tested it to see if I matched Charlie.

A few minutes of waiting in the Phlebotomy lab, and the doctor came over to me, a concerned look on his face. I stood up.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

The doctor paused for a moment. "Mr. Haner, there're some things we've found out that you might want to know."

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I woke up to a dimly lit room, hearing the steady beep of a machine near my head, beeping in time with my heart. I breathed in deeply, feeling tubes in my throat from my mouth and nose. I started choking on them, partly because one was breathing for me, and I didn't need it. I looked around the empty room, finding the Nurse Call button on the remote by my hand. I pushed the button a few times and waited for a nurse to show up. I hoped it wouldn't take long because I couldn't breathe and I was choking. And I could hear the heart monitor next to me beeping closer together. As soon as the nurse walked into the room, she rushed over to me.

"I'm going to need you to relax so I can pull the tubes out, okay?" she asked gently. She turned off the respirator first so i could at least breathe, and I laid still as she unhooked the feeding tube and air tube, and slowly pulled them out of my throat. I gagged and almost threw up when she was finished, but I was able to hold it down.

I coughed and then tried to speak. "Where's my dad? I want my dad," I said hoarsely.

"Certainly, Miss. I'll check with the Nurse's station," the nurse said, and she checked my IV drip quickly before walking out the room. While I was alone, I tried to work on remembering what had happened to me.

I remembered driving in the rain, and hydroplaning. My brakes gave out. And I remembered seeing the truck. And then there was a gap of blackness before Brian's face and the rain falling around us came to memory. And that was it. I wondered how long I'd been out for.

There was a quiet knock on the door before it opened. I expected to see Brian standing there, but it was the same nurse as before. "I'm sorry, your father is at home right now. But I had the Nurse's station call him and he should be here shortly," she said kindly. "Would you like me to get you anything? Something to drink? A book to read?"

"...Can you turn the TV on?" I asked.

"Sure," she said, grabbing the remote and turning it on. She walked over to me, handing me the remote.

"Can you... help me sit up?" I asked, and then coughed. The racking cough caused a sharp pain in my ribs.

"I'm sorry hun, but the doctors said you can't sit up until your ribs are all healed. You broke a few of them. That was quite a nasty accident you were in. It was all over the news and everything a few days ago. You got a broken leg and a fractured vertebrae, too," the nurse said.

"...How long have I been here?" I asked.

"Well, let's see. Today's Saturday.... four days?"

"Oh," I said, and then there was another knock on the door. Brian stepped in and I smiled when I saw him. He looked like he hadn't slept in awhile, and his eyes were really red.

"I'll let you two have some privacy," the kind nurse said, and she silently left the room. Brian pulled a chair up to the side of my bed and took a seat.

"Hey," I said. "You look tired."

He tried to smile. "I haven't slept very well the past couple of nights," he said, taking my hand in his. "I'm just glad you're awake."

"So what all did they do to me?" I asked, wanting to know all the details.

"Well, you were in surgery for a really long time, and they had to give you a blood transfusion or else you wouldn't have lived. You lost a lot of blood... it was everywhere," he siad, trailing off. He didn't say anything for a little whlie, and his eyes started to gloss over.

"Dad?" I asked, squeezing his hand in mine. He made a pained expression and wiped his eyes with his free hand. "Dad, what's wrong? I'm fine now," I said.

"Yeah... you are. I just... I gotta tell you some important stuff, okay?" he said, looking me dead in the eyes.

"Okay... what is it?"

He took a deep breath, rubbing my hand with his thumb. It took him a minunte to find the words he wanted to say, but I didn't push it because I could tell that not only was it important for him to say, but it was hard to say as well. "...When they did the blood transfusion, I wanted to give some of my blood to you cuz direct lines of relation make it work better or something like that. So they tested to see if we had the same blood type, and ran tests on your blood and... and they found..." Brian sighed, dropping his head to turn his gaze to the floor. "God, Charlie... they found out you have HIV," he finished.

I just started at him. What more could I do? I had fucking HIV. People died from that every day. And I had it...

"They did say that they caught it early enough that this medication can keep it at bay for awhile, but..."

I nodded. There was no way of getting around HIV. Then I'd get AIDs, then I'd die. I laughed in irony to myself. "So much for finished the 11th grade this year... what with being in here til I heal up.. and then so much for finishing highschool if I get really sick. It makes me feel that... all the hard work we just went through was completely pointless," I said, staring at the wall. It was quiet in the room for some time after that. "And I can just say a big "Fuck You" yo getting married and having kids," I said.

"Don't say that Charlie," Brian said.

"Well, it's true. Who would wanna marry someone with AIDs?" I pointed out, looking at Brian.

"...Charlie, there's actually something else I've gotta tell you too," he said, cutting me off before I could make any other smartass remarks. He shifted his weight and pulled a paper out of his back pocket. He unfolded it, and I realized that it was actually a couple papers stapled together. He handed it over to me, and I looked at it, reading from the top.

"Adoption papers? ... What, are you sending me away?" I asked, feeing hurt that he didn't want me anymore. I didn't even bother to read the rest of the paper. I looked at Brian, and the tears were coming back to his eyes.

"No... I'm not sending you away," he said.

"Oh... OH! Is this so Michelle is like... my mom now?" I asked, feeling a little more light-hearted. Brian jus tshook his head, looking even closer to crying. My smile faded. I decided to just shut my mouth and read the rest of the adoption form. I furrowed my eyebrows as I read further down.

"...But..."

Brian sighed and I lokoed up at him. "The docs ran DNA testing through our blood samples.... Charlie, I'm not your father."