Go Around

Kennedy had showered and done her hair and makeup. She picked out a simple, comfortable outfit that included a plain red tank top, a pair of distressed flare jeans, a black zip up hoodie, and a pair of red vans. She threw her hair up into a high pony tail and walked out of the house.
Most girls felt uncomfortable when they wore revealing clothes, but Kennedy felt uncomfortable when she actually wore clothes – it just didn’t feel normal to her – the jeans and tank top she could handle, but she at least needed a pair of heels to make her feel like a girl.
She got in her car while the sun was shining brightly at a nice 75 degrees and she pulled off the side of the road and started her drive to Jack’s house.
She observed all the houses that were on Jack’s street for the first time even though it was at least her thousandth time driving down the street. They were pretty much all the same; just an off white color (usually cream or eggshell) with a white trim, newly cut grass, and a few trees planted in front of their picket white fences.
It kind of scared Kennedy how Stepford Wife the whole thing was.
She shook it off and pulled up to the side of Jack’s house and sat back in her seat for a minute and let out a deep sigh. She didn’t want to talk to Jack especially after the way he had talked to her – it made her feel like he thought she was nothing but a common whore even though he knew Kennedy’s and Alex’s past relationship and how intense it was.
Eventually she got out of her car and strutted up the walkway to Jack’s porch. She rang the doorbell, but noticed that Jack’s dads car was gone. She shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans and stood there, waiting awkwardly.
After a few minutes, Jack’s door opened slowly to a shirtless Jack with a pissed off look on his face. “Hi,” he said simply with a wave of his hand, but he didn’t make any eye contact with her.
“Hey,” she said shyly, looking at the ground, “would you mind if I came in?” she asked, looking up at him.
He shrugged, “Whatever,” he said then moved out of her way so that she could get inside his house.
“Are your parents gone?” she asked, looking around the familiar house and not seeing any signs of his parents.
“Yeah, they’re running errands,” he said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Kennedy wished that her parent(s) were normal and that they ran errands on weekends and made large, eccentric dinners just for the family, but most of the time Kennedy was left to her own devices.
Kennedy nodded and Jack and she stood there awkwardly for a few minutes. Jack pursed his lips, causing them to go into a thin line.
“Can we talk?” she asked, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes.
He let out a sigh and scratched his head, “What do you want to talk about?” he asked and sauntered down the hallway and into his room. She followed him.
“You and I. I miss our friendship, Jack,” she told him, pleading him with her eyes to be half as emotional as she was being.
“Why don’t you get it, Kenne? You left us – you didn’t write, call, or anything so how can you expect our relationship to go back to the way it was? It was like you didn’t even care that you were leaving Alex and I behind,” he told her. He blew up at her so ferociously that Kennedy wondered what else was wrong with Jack. Usually he was the one who forgave the easiest but Kennedy could tell that something else was bothering him and on his mind.
“I don’t need it to be exactly the way it was before I left. You think that I don’t know how horribly I left you guys behind? I felt awful about it for months on end – hell, I still do, but I did what I did and it’s the past and I can’t change that now. What I know is that I love and care about you and I want us to try and start over because I want to try and fix what I damaged,” she told him. It was true, all of it. She felt as though this wasn’t the first time she’d gotten into this argument because it wasn’t. She and Alex had argued extensively on the matter.
Jack let out another sigh and placed his hand to the temples on his forehead and paced his bedroom back and forth not saying a word. “I didn’t mean to blow up at you like that, I’m sorry,” he said but he still didn’t look up at her and he was still pacing his room.
“Will you tell me what’s wrong, Jack?” she asked. She was genuinely concerned about him and what was distressing him to this extent because it obviously wasn’t her.
He shook his head back and forth, “Nothing, Kenne. Let’s just finish talking about this,” he snapped at her.
“I think we both pretty much said everything we had to say, didn’t we?” she asked. Most of the time Kennedy loved confrontation with other people, but when it came to having to confront her friends she felt more like the victim even if she initiated it.
He shot a look at her and rolled his eyes. “No, not even close,” he told her and she crossed his room and sat on his bed and crossed her legs, Indian style.
“Then please, tell me everything you need to get off your chest,” she told him even though she knew that it would damage her.
“Okay, let’s talk about you and Alex – what the fuck are you doing?” he asked her.
“Alex and I have always had an intense relationship, Jack, and you know that better than anybody else,” she told him and shook her head. She would love to make Jack out to be the bad guy, but she knew that was beyond backwards.
“I know that Kennedy, and that’s fine, but I’m more talking about the fact that you two are pretty much having an affair,” he told her and looked her dead in the eye.
She dropped his gaze and focused it on the wooden floor in his room, “I know that it’s an awful way for us to be together, but he and I love each other, and you should understand that. He offered to break up with her to be with me, but I told him not to because I didn’t want everybody to hate me for being the cause of the two of them splitting up because, whether or not we started dating immediately after they broke up, everybody would blame me. Of course they have a right to, but I just can’t deal with that,” she told him.
“I understand that you two love each other…” he started, but his voice trailed off.
“I know you do,” she told him, looking at him and his eyes shot to hers.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked her.
She let out a half smile, “Jack, you really don’t give me a lot of credit, do you?” Kennedy asked.
He eyebrows knitted together in confusion, “I don’t get what you mean,” he said and shook his head.
“I know why you are so upset with me and Alex having our affair, as you put it,” she told him.
He folded his arms across his chest and looked her dead in the eye, but she remained composed and calm, “Oh really? And why’s that?” he dared her.
She let out her half smile again, “It’s because you’re in love with Lisa,” she told him.
Jack scoffed, “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” he told her and turned his back on her, but he knew it was true.
“Jack, that’s why you’re really angry, I just can’t quite narrow down which reason it is, would you mind if I told you what my suspicions are?” she asked him, not wanting to upset him further.
“Go ahead,” he told her even though he didn’t want to hear them. Kennedy had always been really good at psychoanalysis and it didn’t surprise him in the least that she had numerous amounts of reasons for why he was angry at Alex and her.
“Okay, the first theory is that you’re angry more at Alex more than you are with me because he’s the one who’s cheating on Lisa. To you, Lisa is the end all be all and you love her so you think that it’s completely preposterous that Alex would cheat on her,” she told him.
“Okay,” he said, nodding wearily. That was partially true, but he wasn’t really more upset with Alex than he was with Kennedy even though he should be.
“My second theory is that you are upset with Lisa for choosing Alex, a guy who’s cheating on his girlfriend with his ex girlfriend, over you who obviously loves and adores her, but you can’t be mad at Lisa because you love her so you’re taking it out on me,” she proposed the theories and carefully watched his reactions to each of them.
Her mother had always told her that she should be a shrink, but Kennedy didn’t want to have to stay in one place forever which is pretty much what psychology was.
“Next,” Jack said.
“My third theory is that you didn’t really realize how much you loved Lisa until you found out that Alex was cheating on her with me. You probably slightly, well more than slightly, but you probably resent me because I was somehow indirectly responsible for making you deal with your feelings and part of you is angry because of what Alex is doing to the woman you love but part of you is sad because there’s nothing you can really do about it,” she told him and he immediately tensed and Kennedy knew that she hit the nail on the head.
He turned around slowly to her, “Kennedy, I know that I shouldn’t be mad at you, but I honestly just can’t help myself. Everything was fine and normal before you came home – Alex and Lisa were the picture perfect couple, I was getting drunk and laid and Alex, Rian, Zack, and I were doing great in our band – we actually signed with a label, Kenne, and then you come home and everything just kind of falls to shit,” he told her, sitting next to her on his bed and putting his hand on her knee closest to him.
“I know, Jack. All I ever do is cause trouble and I’m sorry for bringing it here for your guys’ senior year, but I’m really happy right now, excluding the fact that you’re mad at me,” she told him and tears were swelling in her eyes.
“Kenne, don’t cry. I forgive you and, even though I advise against what you’re doing, you don’t have to worry about me telling Lisa anything about you and Alex as long as I can tell you something and you have to promise not to tell Alex anything,” he told her and wiped a few of the stray tears that had made their way down her cheek.
“What is it, Jack?” she asked, genuinely concerned.
“Last night, Lisa and I kind of had sex,” he told her and Kennedy could see in his eyes that he genuinely felt terrible about it, more than Alex ever did about cheating on Lisa.
“Oh-okay,” she said, kind of surprised at the news.
“You’re not going to tell Alex, right?” he asked her.
“Of course not. You were there for me last year and this year when I needed you to keep secrets about Alex and I so if Alex hears it, it won’t be from me,” she told him and pretended to zip her lips shut and throw away the key.
Jack laughed, “Kennedy, I’m really sorry about being so hard on you about Alex – I just am so concerned about Lisa and her well-being, you know?” Jack said.
“I get it, Jack, but you don’t need to be sorry,” she said, dismissing his apology.
“No, I said some really mean and hurtful things to you – especially the thing about you only having sex with Alex to get back in his good graces, I really didn’t mean that. I was just angry,” he said.
She thought about the night before and how badly those words had stung her and how they had sent her in a downward spiral of self loathing mixed with alcohol. “Even though that really hurt me, I’ll forgive you. Sorry for being a bitch,” she apologized again and he laughed.
“I already told you I forgave you, silly,” he told her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, engulfing her in a bear-like hug.
“If Alex and Lisa do end up breaking up, do you think that you and she will date?” she asked him and she knew that he hadn’t really given it much consideration.
He laughed, “Probably not,” he told her.
“As much as I’m enjoying our quasi-reunion, I better get going. I have other stuff I have to do today,” she told him and she got off his bed and waited for him to follow suit.
“Sorry for being an ass hole – I love you, Kenne,” Jack said to her as he gave her another hug and she hugged him back.
“Geez, you big mushball,” Kennedy poked fun and he laughed. “I’ll see you Monday,” she told him and he nodded. She didn’t need him to show her out.
She walked down the hall and out the front door and she got in her car and just sat in her seat for a few minutes. She couldn’t believe what Jack had told her. Even though when she was reassuring Jack that she wouldn’t tell Alex, she knew that she would have a hard time keeping that big of a secret from him just because she shared everything with me. She also couldn’t believe that cute, geeky, scrawny little Jack had sex with petite, perfect, model-gorgeous Lisa. It was all so much to take in.