Go Around

Alex wished that he could love Lisa the way that he loved Kennedy. He would always love Kennedy more and most passionately, but Lisa he just felt like it was a forced love when with Kennedy it was so simple yet sometimes so dramatic.
Alex wished that Kennedy hadn’t left when she did because he wanted them to build a strong relationship with each other and maybe, just maybe, if she’d stayed then he would never have dated Lisa and they wouldn’t have to go behind her back to be with each other.
Alex wished that when Kennedy left that he’d taken the opportunity to go to New York and find her and tell her exactly what he thought but still tell her that he was in love with her and make love to her for hours.
Alex wished that he could still ignore the fact that Jack had feelings for Lisa because it made it easier if that were just not true – then it would only be Lisa who got hurt in the crossfire when she found out about Alex and Kennedy, but he was hurting Jack, too, and he just wouldn’t stand for that.
Alex wished that he could be with Kennedy every single hour of every single day because she made him feel a way that no other person had ever made him feel no matter how hard they tried.
Alex wished that Lisa would dump him and decide to date Jack because that was the only way that absolutely nobody would get hurt in their fucked up situation.
Alex wished that somehow Lisa would just disappear so that he could focus all his time and attention to Kennedy, the girl he really truly loved.
Alex wished that Kennedy was as happy with him as he was with her because he couldn’t stand to lose her again – he’d been able to do it once and his heart had made it through because Lisa had been there to prepare it and knowing that Jack had the same, but not as extensive, heart break also helped a little bit, but he didn’t think he could go through it a second time around.
Alex wished that, just for a fraction of a second, he could kiss Kennedy without feeling guilty enough to chew his own arm off.
Alex wished that he had decided to spend the day with Kennedy, naked and lying side by side with her in her bed with the occasional break for having sex.
Alex wished that Kennedy believed him when he told her that he believed that they were one of the special cases where they were actually making love rather than just having sex or fucking.
Alex wished that Lisa would come to the same conclusion that he had the minute that Kennedy walked through his door; they were not meant to be together and they should break up immediately.
Alex wished that he could pretend to not know that Kennedy had gotten accepted to a few colleges because he didn’t want to make her feel guilty when she had to leave at the beginning of the fall.