Go Around

Kennedy sat on her couch with her science book folded neatly in the creases of her legs while a reality TV show on MTV was on. Her science and math final were tomorrow and she knew that she needed to study as much as humanly possible. Even if she completely bombed both of the tests, she had enough extra credit work to keep her grade at an A minus but she knew that she wouldn’t bomb the test – she just had to try her very hardest.
She only had three more days of school left and then she was off for the rest of the summer and would be spending it in mundane Maryland… unless Audrey would be alright with taking Kennedy back to New York with her. If that were the case then everything would end up perfectly because then she could go clubbing and have fun and not have to worry about running into Alex or even having to worry about him bombarding over to her house.
“Do you ever not study?” Audrey asked as she walked down the stairs and had obviously just woken up from her deep slumber.
“Do you ever wake up before four in the afternoon?” Kennedy retorted, going back to reading about reproduction systems.
“What a silly question,” Audrey said and plopped down beside Kennedy and got involved in the reality show on TV.
“Can I ask you a question?” Kennedy asked, looking up from her book since she had re-read the same chapter six times to make sure that she understood the concept of everything.
“Uh huh. In a minute,” Audrey told her, distracted. Kennedy let out a sigh and picked up her trigonometry book and started reading about theories and equations until the reality show went to a commercial and then Audrey gave Kennedy her full undivided attention.
“What was it you wanted to ask me?” Audrey asked, standing up to straighten out the cashmere robe she was wearing.
“Um, I was wondering… well, you know that I get out of school in a few days and I was just wondering if it would be at all possible if I could go back with you to New York,” Kennedy asked, gauging Audrey’s reaction by what her face gave away, but as per usual – her face gave away nothing.
Audrey remained quiet for a few minutes and looked down at her legs and started picking at her robe.
“I mean, if you don’t want me to because you’re sick of me or something then I totally understand. I shouldn’t have even asked,” Kennedy said and shook her head but she felt disappointed. She opened her book to start reading again but Audrey let out a shrill scream and jumped up.
“I would love for you to come with me, dumb butt!” Audrey exclaimed with a smile spread wide across her face.
Kennedy smiled back. “Are you sure?”
Audrey scoffed at her, “Of course I’m fucking sure. I can’t have my best friend rotting in fucking Maryland,” Audrey said Maryland as though it were the most disgusting swear word a Christian women could think of.
Kennedy and Audrey just sat there thinking about what was going to be happening and the first thing that popped into Kennedy’s mind was having to buy the tickets, but the second thing that popped into Kennedy’s mind was that if she actually did this – and it looked like she was going to – then that would leave absolutely no chance of Kennedy getting back together with Alex and that kind of scared her. Even though she was fairly certain she was done with all of his shit, she was still on fairly certain, not one hundred percent sure.
“Well, I’m going to get something to eat and you’re going to keep studying because I expect nothing less from you than an A,” Audrey told her and bent down quickly to kiss Kennedy’s forehead and then she danced her way to the kitchen.
Hours passed and Kennedy officially had every word in the vocabulary of biology and trigonometry memorized and she was glad, but she was irritated that the stupid show that she had just turned on turned out to be Audrey’s new addiction. And luckily for Kennedy there was a marathon on before the season finale and Audrey insisted that they watch what happened because she wanted to be all caught up before the last episode.
Kennedy, being the good friend that she is, didn’t argue with Audrey to change the channel to something that wouldn’t melt the brain cells in her head.
There was a soft knock at her door and she was reluctant to open it, but then got up and opened it slowly and recognized his hair first. His choppy, shaggy, dark brown hair that was straightened to perfection and hung perfectly in front of his eyes. He looked like one of those tortured artists and it made Kennedy just want to take him in her arms and hold him but she knew that she couldn’t do that.
Kennedy didn’t say anything but turned her head to see if Audrey had noticed that someone was there. Audrey was still too engrossed in the TV show to realize anything that wasn’t going on in it, so Kennedy moved outside and shut the door quietly behind herself.
The last thing Kennedy wanted was an audience whenever she and Alex talked with each other. She placed all her weight on her right foot and crossed her arms across her chest and looked up at him since he was just over a foot taller than she was. “What do you want?” she asked simply but not making any eye contact with him.
“To talk to you,” he said shyly and it reminded Kennedy of the way Alex had first acted with Jack had introduced them four years prior in their freshman year of high school.
Kennedy let out a sigh. “I don’t want to talk to you,” she told him bluntly and reached into her pockets for her pack of cigarettes. It was always the best time to smoke – when you were completely stressed because you kept a clearer head and it made you calm down and think before you did anything rash.
“But I need to talk to you, Kenne,” Alex pleaded with her, his voice sounding a little more familiar to her now.
“Then say what you need to say, Alex. I’m not going to stand out here all day wondering what you could possibly want to tell me because, honestly, I really couldn’t care less,” she yelled at him. So much for thinking before saying anything rash.
“I broke up with Lisa, Kenne!” he shouted back at her as though it were some major feat.
Kennedy cleared her throat and took another drag. “When?” she asked as she blew the smoke in his face which he instinctively waved away and Kennedy laughed.
One of the things that Alex hated about Kennedy was that she didn’t convey her emotions as well as she ought to. Everything was always a mystery with her and even if you guessed what was going on, she was always ahead of you making it damn near impossible to see what she was feeling at any one time. “A few minutes ago. I came straight here right after I did it,” he told her, sounding achieved.
Kennedy knew that under any other circumstances and had he not said those terrible things about her a few days prior then she probably would have been ecstatic, but she didn’t care in the least little bit – or at least, that’s what she was going to let him see. “Why would you do that?” she asked simply, sucking down her cigarette so she wouldn’t say anything she’d regret.
“Which part?”
“All of it,”
“I broke up with her because you wanted me to. You were wrong about why I was staying with her, Kenne, and I just wanted to show that the only reason I was staying with her was because that’s what you asked of me and the minute to asked me to break up with her I did,” he told her even though it wasn’t entirely true. He hadn’t originally been planning on breaking up with her, but after his visit with Jack he didn’t really see that he had any other choice.
“Great,” she said sarcastically. “So why did you feel the need to come here and share this great news with me?” she asked, taking a step back from him as he stared at her with confused eyes.
She must have been doing a good job and pretending like she didn’t give a rat’s ass.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I asked: why did you feel the need to come here and share this with me?” she asked again, trying to sound bitchier – trying to sound like Audrey.
“Because,” he started, “I thought you would be happy that now we could be together,” he took a step forward and placed his hands on her hips and looked down at her with a smile on his face.
“I don’t want you, Alex. You lost your opportunity with me and I’m not going to give you another second chance because, frankly, even if we did end up getting together I would never be able to let everything that we’ve gone through go,” she told him and she knew that it didn’t make sense, but it made sense to her.
Everything she was telling him she was feeling was stuff she hoped that she’d be feeling in a year or so so that she could move on, but you’ll always love your first love, right?
“Kennedy, you don’t mean that,” he told her.
“No, I do. I’m not saying that I don’t love you, Alex, because I do, but we both know that we’re better away from each other. Either I fuck up our relationship or you do. It’s almost like we go out of our way to hurt each other and no one wants to be in that kind of relationship, do they?” she asked and took a step forward while he was still holding her hips.
“Kenne…” his voice trailed off as he stared into her eyes.
“We can still be friends, Alex, if we can remember how to do that. We haven’t been just friends for a while so it might take me a little bit of time to fall back into step, but I’m willing if you are,” she told him, trying to sound as composed as possible.
She thought that this was almost exactly like last year when she had been telling him that she didn’t love him but last year was different. She was doing that then because she was afraid to be in love and didn’t want to admit to herself or him that she was, but now she as just being selfish.
“I don’t want to be just friends with you, Kennedy,” he told her, bending his head down so that it was touching her forehead. His hair tickled her nose and she sneezed and he laughed at her. “You’re cute,”
“Please, Alex?”
“What?”
“Please just try. I don’t want to lose you, but, like I said before, we’re better off without each other,” she told him and he nodded.
“I don’t agree with you, Kenne, about the whole us being better off without each other part, but I will try to be friends with you,” he told her.
“Really?”
“Yes, but I claim the right to try and win you back no matter how long it takes, okay?” he asked and she laughed.
“I guess if that’s your only requirement then I can live with that,” she told him and looked up at him from underneath her eyelashes. She stood on her tippy toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you later,” she told him as she pulled away and she didn’t wait for a response as she walked back into the house and shut the door behind her.
Audrey was now sitting in Kennedy’s previous spot and was staring at her with an eyebrow raised.
“What was that about?” Audrey asked in an accusatory tone.
Kennedy shook her head and sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know if I can do it,” she said out of random, but it was the only thing running through her head at that very moment.
“You know that you’re never going to stop loving him, right?” Audrey asked.
“I know,” Kennedy confirmed as she pushed the tears back that were welling in her eyes.