Go Around

That Monday was one of the hardest Monday’s that Kennedy had ever had to endure. It was her first time having to be alone with Alex since, 1. He told her he loved her, and 2. They had sex. It was the first time having to sit there and watch Alex and Lisa practically eat each other’s faces off during the entire lunch period. It was the first time she’d had to eat lunch with more than Alex and Jack. It was the first time that she had to be alone with Lisa after what happened between her and Alex.
She’d learned her lesson last year about the whole keeping secrets thing and she had made a vow at the end of the previous year to herself that she wouldn’t keep big secrets, like the one she was keeping, anymore because they always did more bad than good. But what was she supposed to do? Tell Lisa that she and Alex had sex in the bathroom of the club while Lisa was in the next room over? I think not.
“Are you okay?” Lisa asked and waved her hand in front of Kennedy’s face to get her attention. Kennedy’s eyes focused on Lisa’s pretty, heart shaped face and she immediately felt guilty, for the thousandth time that day.
“Yeah,” Kennedy said, batting her long eyelashes and looking down at the desk she was sitting at, “I’m fine.”
“Okay,” Lisa said, disbelievingly, “We’re almost done with our project and it’s not due for another week and a half! Oh my gosh, I’m so glad I got you as a partner instead of someone else. Usually I end up doing all the work,” Lisa told Kennedy as though it were the most irritating thing in the world. Kennedy wondered if she would still think it was the most irritating thing in the world if she told her that she had sex with her boyfriend. Kennedy was willing to bet not.
“I know what you mean, that’s usually how it goes for me, too,” Kennedy said, but Lisa could tell that her heart wasn’t really in the conversation.
“Are you sure you’re alright you seem a little…” Lisa’s voice trailed off in search of the right word.
“Lacsidazical?” Kennedy said, thinking the word sounded perfect for how Kennedy was feeling.
“I was going to say dazed, but lacsidazical works, too,” Lisa said with a laugh and shaking her head.
“Really, I’m fine. I just had a long night last night,” Kennedy told Lisa.
“Alright…” Lisa said, still not believing what Kennedy was telling her.
The rest of the period Kennedy and Lisa finished their project and turned it in early even though the teacher told them that he would rather they wait and turn it in with the rest of the class, but Kennedy and Lisa insisted.
When they were let out of class, Kennedy bolted before Lisa would have the opportunity to try and talk to her about something besides the project because Kennedy wasn’t sure how well she would be able to lie to Lisa.
She walked out to her car and beat both Alex and Lisa out there, but Jack was leaning up against Kennedy’s car just like in the good old days when he and Alex would do that. He stood erect when she came closer to him, “Hey, Kenne, do you want to hang out? I was thinking you showing me your new place and we can… catch up?” Jack asked as Kennedy unlocked her car doors.
“Of course, goof ball, get your ass in the car,” she said, climbing into the driver’s seat and just as she was sitting down she saw Lisa running toward Alex at full speed and jump on him and straddle him and they were both laughing and then they started kissing which is when Kennedy looked away. She couldn’t do it right then and there with Jack in the car.
Jack sat next to her and Kennedy sped out of the parking lot before her eyes betrayed her and made her look up at the disgusting love fest again. She and Jack drove her to house in almost complete silence. He talked to her about his day, but that was really all. They pulled up in front of her new house and, even though it was supposed to be her mom’s day off, her car wasn’t there so Kennedy assumed that her mom took an extra shift.
Kennedy locked up her car and Jack followed her inside her house and she gave him the grand tour and they ended up in her room, he was sitting on her new chair and she was sitting crossed legged on her bed, with her back up against the wall, but still sitting up straight.
“Tell me what’s been going on with you and Alex,” Jack demanded, and Kennedy wondered why he would decide to be so blunt about it instead of waiting and she also wondered how he knew and if Alex had told him since Jack had gotten so upset that they hadn’t told him last time.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she told him and took a sip of her water, sitting on her nightstand right next to her.
“Kennedy, come on. I saw how you looked at him during lunch,” he told her and she looked down at the floor, feeling ashamed of herself, “and I saw how he looked at you when you and Lisa weren’t paying attention.”
I don’t want to think about it. “I looked at him the same way I’ve always looked at him,” she said. You’ve always looked at him like you were madly in love with him, moron.
“No, Kennedy. I could tell that it pained you to see them together today, but you have to get over it because, well, Lisa’s great and he really deserves someone who won’t just pick up and leave him behind,” he told her, obviously trying to say it in the gentlest way possible.
“Geez, thanks,” Kennedy told him and rolled her eyes. I don’t deserve him.
“You know what I mean, Kenne, he’s in love with her now, not you and if you want to maintain your friendship with him then you ought to get used to that,” Jack told her.
“You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kennedy scoffed. Don’t you do it!
“What do you mean?” Jack asked, cocking his head to one side and all of his blonde bangs fell in front of his face.
“I mean, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about because,” Don’t you dare say it!, “Alex,” This is going to ruin everything, “and I,” He doesn’t need to know this, “are seeing,” You still have time to say something else, “each,” Don’t fucking say it!, “other.” You fucking said it.
Jack look perplexed. “What do you mean you and Alex are seeing each other?” he asked, obviously extremely confused.
No use in not telling him now. “I mean that the night Lisa brought me to your concert, Alex and I had sex in the bathroom. And he came over a few night ago and slept with me,” she told him, and she had to admit, it felt so good to get all of this off her chest.
“You had sex with Alex while Lisa was in the other room?” Jack asked, but he sounded on the verge of being angry.
“I didn’t intend for it to happen. I had to pee and I opened the door to go out and meet you guys and he was standing right there. He pushed me into the bathroom and started kissing me… which led to other things,” she told him and shook her head. He was making her feel even worse than she already did.
“Kennedy, you have to stop doing this,” Jack told her urgently.
“I know, but it still feels like he’s mine,” she admitted to him, looking up at him from underneath her eyelashes. She wished that she could take back every single thing she had just said to Jack. She was sick of feeling judged.
“But he’s not, Kennedy – he’s Lisa’s,” Jack said, sitting forward on her chair.
“I know that!” she yelled at him. She wanted him to leave and she wanted to curl under her covers and listen to music and not to a damn thing all week long and that included not going to school.
“Well obviously you don’t or you wouldn’t be fucking Alex when he has a girlfriend. And I thought you actually liked Lisa,” Jack said, sounding disappointed.
“I do, I love Lisa. She’s super sweet, but I still love Alex and he makes it really hard to say no,” she admitted to him and his face softened because he understood what she was talking about. He had been with her the previous year when she had something going on with him.
“I know, he does, but please try. For Lisa’s sake,” Jack said, kneeling in front of Kennedy’s bed and taking her right hand in between both of his.
“I’ll try… next time,” she agreed and nodded.
“Good,” he said and got up and sat on the edge of her bed. “I have to go, but I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asked.
“Yeah, you’ll see me tomorrow,” she said in a mock-irritated tone.
“Alright,” he said with a laugh as she stood up, “I love you, Kennedy. I’m just looking out for you.” He reminded her as he walked out of her room.
“I know you are,” she told him and he just nodded and left her house.
She laid on her bed and thought of nothing or anyone but Alex for the next few hours.