Saving Her Insanity

Gray.

The sky was gray.

Everything seemed to be gray.

And dull.

Alice wondered what had happened to all the color as she sat alone in her bedroom, staring out the window at nothing particular. Having given up her position as an apprentice to the company that her father once owned, her delightful days of traveling were now over. She refused to travel anymore. Not just to Underland, but to anywhere, really. But then she started to fear her health. What if she became crazy and afraid to step outside at all? What if she never let anyone into her home? What if she didn't want to speak to anyone at all?

To clear her thoughts, she headed outside to the small garden, where she sat under a tree and began to let her mind drift.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed or what all exactly she had thought about during that time, but eventually a sudden rustling noise snapped her back into reality. She looked around, trying to find where the sound came from. She stood up slowly, being ever so aware of her surroundings, and her eyes scanned the garden. Her mother was not out here with her, and neither was anyone else. Well, that she knew of, anyway. A chill ran down her spine and she shuddered, and quickly turned around to look behind her.

No one was there.

She sighed, relieved. But then there was that sound again, and she jumped. She noticed it was coming from the bushes nearby. She stared at the bushes until the White Rabbit hopped out of the bushes and into her view.

Oh dear, thought Alice. He wants me to go back to Underland.

The White Rabbit stood still, waiting on Alice to make her move. Neither made any sort of movement for a moment, until finally the rabbit, growing impatient, hopped into the bushes back the way he came, thinking that Alice would surely chase after him and fall into the hole that lead to Underland.

However, Alice knew that was exactly what the rabbit wanted, and no matter how much she wanted to go back, she couldn't. She knew she couldn't.

But she greatly desired to go back. She wanted to have tea with the Hatter once again badly. But...

Alice then noticed that the White Rabbit had come back. He must have figured out that she had not budged. She noticed that he looked at her with an almost questioning look.

Why won't you come back, Alice?

His question rang in her head.

Oh, Rabbit, you know I would love to come back...

Then why won't you?

Because, I can't.

Why not?

Because.

That is not a logical answer.

It doesn't have to be logical.

But we all miss you.

And I, you all.

Then come back.

Alice stood and stared at the creature, who stared at her back. She couldn't figure out if the conversation had really taken place, or if she had gone mad and it was all in her head.

It is of the upmost importance that you come back. The Queen needs to speak with you as soon as possible!

The White Queen?

Alice tilted her head in shock and confusion. What could the White Queen possibly have to discuss with her?

The White Rabbit then, impatiently, pulled out his watch and tapped it sternly, giving her a cross look.

I fear we're running out of time.

Running out of time?

Just please, Alice, you must hurry!

Alice then decided that since it had something to do with the White Queen, and the rabbit was awfully hasty, she would go. She wouldn't stay long, and certainly not forever, but she would go. And if she saw the Hatter...well, she wasn't sure how that would work out. For being the maddest madman of all madmen that Alice had ever seen in her lifetime, he sure knew how to read her. He read her like an open book. She knew that he knew her better than anyone else possibly ever could. And that was what worried her.

The White Rabbit, finally giving up, started to turn back.

"Wait!" Alice finally cried. The Rabbit instantly stopped in his tracks and turned to face her.

"I'll go," she whispered to him, and he smiled with glee. He then hopped off, and Alice followed him. She knew that he was leading her to a hole that led into Underland.

So down, down, down she went, down back into the familiar odd room. The Rabbit had somehow managed to disappear, probably way ahead of her. She put the cake, which we all know read, "Eat Me," into a pocket on her jacket that she wore over her dress and grabbed the key to the door before she took a sip of the juice from that little bottle that we all know read, "Drink Me."

It wasn't until she was the right size to fit through the door when she realized that her clothes shrunk with her. Huh...I guess I got off lucky today. She pulled the key out of her pocket and unlocked it. She stepped through the door, and found herself inside the White Queen's castle this time.

That's odd, she thought. That little door had never led me to here before.

Pushing aside her thoughts, she took a small bite out of the cake in her pocket, and before long she was back to her normal height. Her clothes, again, also changed with her, thankfully. The fact that her height could easily change in Underland no longer startled her. Now it seemed perfectly normal to her. She easily remembered everything about Underland; the Hatter had been wrong. He had thought that Alice would forget about Underland, and about him. She hadn't forgotten Underland (how could she?), and she definitely hadn't forgotten the Hatter.

She knew she had to stop thinking about him, though, so locked away all her thoughts of him into a tiny box in her brain and put away the key.

Figuratively speaking, of course.

She walked inside the kitchen to find that the March Hare had resumed his position. So the Hatter was nearby, possibly...hopefully...

No, she would not think of him right now. She wasn't ready to face him. Not yet.

Instead of asking him if he knew where the Hatter was, she faked a smile for the Hare and waved. The Hare stood agape at the sight of Alice back in Underland so suddenly.

"A-A-Alice! You're back!" He said, as shakily as ever.

In response, she just smiled again. "May I ask where the Queen is, Hare?"

"J-Just t-t-that-a-way!" The Hare replied, pointing in the right direction. She thanked him, and was on her way.

When she had found the White Queen, she Queen greeted her warmly. "Welcome, Alice. I am very glad that you came. Oh, but first, I presume you are wondering why the door led you to here instead?"

Alice nodded her head.

"Well, I cast a little spell on the door, and now that I am the Queen of Underland once again, the door leads to here."

Alice nodded again, this time signaling she understood.

"Now, Alice, I'm sure you are wondering why I have sent for you."

"Yes, your Majesty."

The queen laughed. "Oh, there's no need for that 'your Majesty' nonsense. You are the heroine of Underland, Alice." Alice smiled. "Now then, I had the White Rabbit find you for me because..." She paused, and Alice held in a quiet breath, anxiously waiting for her to finish her sentence. "Well, there's something wrong with the Hatter, and we need your help."

Something wrong with him?

"Is he alright?" Alice asked her, growing panicked at the thought of the Hatter being unwell.

"Yes, he's in perfect health...I think," the Queen replied.

"I think?"

The White Queen noticed the worried expression on Alice's face. "Just come with me."

And so Alice followed the White Queen, who seemed to have led them both to where the Mad Hatter, along with the March Hare and the Dormouse, would have his tea parties. They hid behind a nearby tree.

"Why are we-"

"Sshhh, wait here," The Queen whispered, interrupting her question, before making her presence known to the Hatter. "There's someone here to see you," Alice heard her tell him. She then watched as the Queen spun around, and she made a motion to Alice with her hand signaling her to come here. Alice took a few slow steps, revealing herself to the Hatter, whose face lit up with joy.

"Alice!" He cried joyfully. He lept up from his seat and jumped right onto the table, that mad man, and walked all the way across the table, knocking over pots and cups and plates of all sorts, and then jumped off the end of the table in front of Alice.

Alice faked a smile, seeing her old friend beaming with happiness, and hoped that the Hatter would not be able to see through her disguise.

However, the Hatter, no matter how mad he was, he was still intellectual, and able to read people. He was able to read Alice particularly well. And she knew this for a fact, and knew that her disguise was pointless, as the Hatter's smile faded as he realized that Alice was not happy.

"You've changed," said the Hatter.

"Yes, Hatter, yes I have," Alice nodded, her words coming out as mere whispers.

The Hatter studied her for a moment, but he did not see much physical change. "Well, your hair is still curly and blonde, and you are about the same height as you were before, unless you are not your right height," Alice shook her head; she was the correct height. The Hatter continued, "Your eyes are different."

"My eyes?" Alice questioned.

"Yes, they are different."

"Hatter, you are mad to think that my eyes, of all things about me, have changed," Alice laughed.

The Hatter laughed, happy to know that she wasn't completely different. She at least could laugh, if not as much as she used to. "But, Alice, my good friend, you should know that I am mad."

"This is true," she smiled at him, a genuine smile, and he returned a toothy grin. His grin faded, though, as he didn't know if she was staying.

"Are...are you...could you possibly..." The Hatter couldn't understand why it was so difficult for him to form the words, to ask her the question that he desperately needed an answer to.

But Alice knew what he wanted to ask. She knew the whole time that, if she ran into him again, he would ask this question, and no matter how much she wanted to see him again, she couldn't bear having to speak these words to him.

"Hatter...I can't stay in Underland. I'm terribly sorry."