Between Two Lungs

Mae woke up the next morning in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. It took her a few minutes to recall that she was in the Staal's house up in Thunder Bay celebrating Christmas with them instead of her own family. She checked her cell phone and saw that she had been left a voice mail from her father.

"Hi, dear. I know that you probably don't want to hear from your old man, especially after all these years of the two of us ignoring each other...but I wanted you to know that your mother and I love you and that we miss you. We hope to see you soon. Have a safe holiday."

Mae sighed and put the phone down. She hadn't spoken to her father since she moved out, and he hadn't tried contacting her up until that moment. She didn't exactly know how to feel.

She made her way downstairs, noticing that the house was abnormally quiet for one that was usually so full of life. Making her way into the kitchen, Mae noticed a pot of coffee waiting for her with a note taped to it. It was from Marc.

Out cutting a Christmas tree with the folks. Didn't want to wake you up. We'll be back soon. Love, Marc.

"They're out cutting a Christmas tree," she heard a voice say from not too far behind her. Mae nearly jumped out of her skin, her heart pounding in her chest. She turned to see Jordan leaning against the fridge.

"Y-Yeah," Mae nodded, pointing at the piece of paper. "Marc left me a note."

Jordan nodded too, his hands in his pockets. A heavy silence settled between them until he decided to speak up. "I'm sorry," he finally said.

Mae clenched her jaw before turning back to pour herself a cup of coffee. "I only have one question, Jordan," she muttered. "I just want to know why you did it."

"Did what?" he questioned. "Slept with you?"

"Well, that's part one of it," she replied coldly. "Part two is why you took my stash when you knew that I would eventually figure out that it was missing."

"I wanted to help you," he said quietly. "When I was with you in your apartment, you were just so happy. I could just see it. You didn't need the drugs for that...and as for the reason why I slept with you...did I really not make it obvious enough that I have feelings for you?"

Mae crossed her arms over her chest. "So that's why you fucked and fled?" she snapped. "To help me?"

"You know for a fact that it wasn't like that," Jordan growled. "Stop making me out to be the bad guy here. I told you that I wanted to help you. I tried taking the first step by taking away the thing that was causing you more harm than good. I thought that by connecting with you in that way, you'd learn to trust me."

"Trust you?" Mae scoffed. "You stole my fucking drugs."

"Listen to what you just said," Jordan countered, pointing a finger at her to emphasize his point. "You think that I stole your drugs, but all that I really did was try to free you from your dependency. Why can't you see that? I didn't want to hurt you, Mae. I would never want that. I just wanted--and still want--you to be healthy and happy."

She shook her head, tugging at the ends of her hair. "My life was so much simpler before you entered the picture."

Jordan frowned, looking down at the ground. Looking back into Mae's eyes, he took one of her hands in his and rested his forehead against hers. "Do you really think that pretending to be happy is the answer?"

"You don't know what I've been through," she mumbled, tears threatening to spill over. "You have no fucking idea..."

"Then just tell me," he reasoned, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye. "I can handle the truth."

"You can't," she whispered, shying away from Jordan's grasp. "Not about this."

He lifted up her chin with his index finger and thumb and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "Try me."

* * * * *

"What's that?" Mae asked as she and four of her friends sat in a circle around the dingy apartment, smoke hanging low in the air. Gary pulled out a plastic bag full of an assortment of pills while passing the joint to James, the guy who sat to his right.

"Something better than weed," he responded. "Ever tried ecstasy before?"

Mae shook her head. "No. What's it like?"

Faye let out an airy laugh and ran a hand through her long, wavy blond hair. "Name's pretty self-explanatory, honey. Try it out."

Mae hesitantly took the round pill from Gary's outstretched hand, closely examining the smiley face that was carved into its surface. "I don't know," she said hesitantly. "I've never tried anything other than weed before."

"Be more adventurous," Brendan declared while taking a swig from his bottle of Jack Daniels. "You're not a little kid living at home anymore. You're out on your own, in the Big-fucking-Apple. Let go of that suburban innocence and live a little, for Christ's sake!"

Mae looked around at her circle of friends, all four of them urging her to try the pill. She inhaled shakily but finally put the pill on her tongue and closed her eyes, waiting for something--anything--to hit her.

Before long, she opened her eyes and a huge smile spread wide across her face.

"See?" Gary smirked. "Told you so."

"Listen to this dude more often," Faye ordered, smacking Mae genially on the back. "He knows his shit."

Mae sat up straight in bed and wiped the cold sweat that had formed just above her brow. She clutched her knees to her chest, closing her eyes again as she tried to ward off the memory of the first time she had ever popped a pill. She desperately missed the feeling that ecstasy gave her.

She extended her left arm and looked at the skin on her inner elbow. Tiny puncture marks lined the pale flesh, and she bit her lip in shame.

"I thought I was better than this," she murmured, sliding out of bed. Mae went to the door and poked her head out into the hallway, ensuring that everyone was asleep. The rooms were all dark, and the doors were mostly closed. Faint snoring could be heard from some of the rooms.

She retreated back inside, closing the door behind her. Then Mae went to her suitcase and shuffled through her belongings until she found what she was looking for. The pristine wooden chest.

There were three syringes in the box this time. All were full of the same caramel-coloured liquid. Mae discovered that you could buy clean syringes in drug stores all over Manhattan. She knew better than to use a dirty needle to inject something into her veins.

She picked one up, squirting some of it out just to make sure that all the air bubbles were gone. Then she poked the needle's tip into her skin and pressed the liquid down into her bloodstream. She ripped the needle out and put it back, hiding the box back into her suitcase. Then she laid back on the bed and closed her eyes.

"Maybe this time..." she whispered to herself, "I'll actually be able to sleep."

Mae just laid there under her covers, flat on her back for only a few minutes until she finally fell into a dreamless slumber. A tiny drop of blood trickled down from her arm and stained the blanket, leaving a small, darkened red mark in its wake. But Mae didn't notice. And even if she had, she didn't care. All she wanted to do was forget.