Between Two Lungs

Time passed and Mae was still sticking to the 12-Step Narcotics Anonymous program. She went to the meetings every week and sat closer to the front, intently listening to what the others had to say. It was the beginning of February and it was nearing closer to Mae's 30 day anniversary of being clean and sober.

It was around five o'clock that Friday and Mae was over at Marc's apartment. She got up from his couch and stretched out her limbs, getting ready to head back out so she could possibly grab a cup of coffee over at the B Cup Cafe.

"Where are you headed off to?" Marc asked, poking his head out of the kitchen as Mae wrapped her scarf around her neck.

"I have to head back home," she said briefly, putting her boots on and walking over to the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I thought we were going to hang out here tonight," he pouted, walking over to her and taking her hand in his. "It's been like this for a few weeks now. You're never free on Fridays anymore."

"I'm a busy girl," Mae shrugged. "Now that I've quit Gary's art show, I'm trying to find places that will display my work."

It wasn't a complete lie. Mae was, in fact, trying to find a small enough gallery space that didn't cost a ludicrous amount of money so she could rent out the space and display her work. So far, no luck.

"Alright," Marc sighed, hugging her goodbye. "I'll call you later."

Mae exited the apartment building and walked as quickly as her small legs could carry her to the B Cup Cafe. She finally made it around five-thirty, Hannah's familiar face greeting her from behind the counter.

"Usual?" she asked.

Mae gave a nod. "Did you expect anything else?"

Hannah laughed and Mae gave her the money to pay for the drink. As Hannah moved over to make her coffee, she said, "It's been a while since you've been here. Did you go somewhere for the holidays?"

"Yeah, I did, actually," Mae noted. "I went up to Thunder Bay with Marc."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you two were an item," Hannah remarked. "But then who was that guy you were with before?"

"You remember that?" Mae asked, baffled. "That was so long ago!"

Hannah shrugged. "I've got a memory like an elephant. So, who was he?"

"That was his brother, Jordan."

Hannah eyed her coyly. "Are you making time with your boyfriend's brother on the side? Shame on you, girl!" After a few seconds, she added, "At least you didn't sleep with the guy."

Mae groaned indignantly.

Hannah's jaw dropped. "Oh, you did not."

Mae nodded. "I did."

Hannah's jaw was nearly on the ground at this point. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "Does he know? No, wait...if he knew, you'd probably not be dating anymore. Are you going to tell him? What if he finds out? What if he beats the shit out of Jordan? Holy fu--"

"Hannah!" Mae declared, stopping her in her tracks. Mae knew that Hannah was terrible with secrets and gossip. She was just thankful that Marc didn't often venture into the B Cup Cafe unless he was with her, so she knew that Hannah wouldn't be spilling her secrets anytime soon. Still, it was unsettling that anyone aside from herself and Jordan knew. "You can't say a word."

"I won't," she promised. "But still...wow, Mae! I didn't think you had it in you to sleep with your boyfriend's brother. That's, like, one a whole different other scale of 'what the fuck'!"

"Yeah, I know," Mae sighed. "And I'm going to have to tell Marc eventually. I just...don't know how."

"Better sooner than later," Hannah stated, handing Mae her coffee. "Karma's going to come up and bite you in the ass otherwise."

* * * * *

"Hi, I'm Mae."

"Hello, Mae."

"Today, I am thirty days clean," she announced as everyone cheered. Fred came up, hugged her and handed her an orange tag. It read, 'Clean and Serene for Thirty Days'. She grinned and continued on. "This group has given me a reason to wake up in the morning. I'm still sort of taking things day by day, but being here with all of you gives my life something stable, which I never had growing up. And for you newcomers who are just entering the program and are scared about what might happen...you need to know that only good can come of this."

Everyone clapped again as Mae went to go take her seat. Three new people came up to share their stories, two women and one man.

The first woman was a cocaine addict who finally decided to join the program after her husband found her convulsing on the living room floor. She nearly died of an overdose.

The second woman had been a drug user for twenty five years, using mostly crystal meth. She found out that she had contracted AIDS and was joining as many groups as she could to make her last few years worth living.

The man lived in a dysfunctional family, all four of them using drugs recreationally. It wasn't until their youngest son died after trying heroin for the first time that they decided they needed to get clean. They all went to separate NA groups. His wife went to a Narcotics Anonymous group just for women and their oldest--and now only--son went to one just for young men.

After the meeting had ended and everyone had dispersed, Mae got up out of her seat and made her way to the door. She was always the first one to come in and the last one to leave. She liked staying behind to talk to others. It made her feel better knowing that she wasn't alone.

She pushed the doors open and her heart nearly stopped. Marc was standing on the pavement outside, the tips of his ears and nose red from the cold.

"Marc, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he said quietly. "Why are you going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings?"

Mae didn't answer him. She just stood there on the front steps of the building, the cold winds cutting into her flesh like a sharp knife.

Shaking his head, he let out a dry laugh. "I should have seen it before. Looking back, it was so obvious. There was always something off about you, Mae. I just didn't think it would be anything like this."

Mae gulped. "I'm sorry, Marc."

He looked into Mae's eyes and asked, "Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

Mae bit her lip. "I couldn't."

"Bullshit," he scoffed. "We're supposed to be best friends, Mae. You could have told me."

"No I couldn't," she shot back. "Not about this."

"Why not?"

She looked away. "You wouldn't understand."

Marc sighed, his hands deep in his coat pockets. "Well, maybe I want to understand but you just won't let me," he said softly. "Call me if you ever feel like being honest. Otherwise, whatever's left between us is over."

Then he turned and walked away. Mae clutched the new orange tag she had received in her hands. She recalled how before, when something bad would happen, she would go running home to pop a pill to make things all better. But things had changed. She was different now.

She just walked down 6th street until she hit Avenue B and made her way upstairs to her apartment. She picked up her phone and dialed a familiar number, holding it up to her ear and waiting for them to pick up.

"Hello?"

"Jordan, Marc saw me coming out of a Narcotics Anonymous meeting," she mumbled. "He broke up with me."

Jordan was silent on the other end for a second. "I'll call him and talk to him. Don't worry and don't do anything drastic. Promise?"

"Promise," she replied.

"Good. I love you, Mae," he said quickly before ending the call.

Mae let the dial tone drone out for a few seconds before she set the phone back onto her night stand. "I love you too, Jordan."