Between Two Lungs

Weeks passed. Mae's recovery was going well. She had gradually moved on from one step to another, until she reached what she had decided was the most difficult of all. Steps eight and nine--making a list of the people she had harmed, and making direct amends with them.

She sat alone in her apartment by her desk, a pen and paper close at hand. She stared at the light blue lines that streaked the flat, white surface and fiddled with the pen in her fingers.

Mae knew exactly who would be first on her list.

1. Marc Staal

She bit on the end of the pen as she hesitated to add another set of names to the list. She knew that she would have to go eventually and face her problems head on, but she still wasn't sure if she was ready. Still, she took the initiative and wrote:

2. Mom and Dad

Mae debated writing Gary's name on her list. She put the tip of the pen against her paper, but then stopped.

"Why should I apologize to him when he's the one who got me here in the first place?" she grumbled, immediately putting the pen down. Looking at her tiny list, she sighed and folded it before placing it in her pocket. She rose from her chair and threw on her coat before going out to face the cold streets of New York.

Mae's feet brought her to the front door of Marc's apartment. She checked her watch. She knew that Marc had a home game today against the New Jersey Devils, but it didn't start until seven. It was only two-thirty. She knew Marc's usual routine--he'd go to the morning skates, go home for lunch for a bit and rest up before the game and then head down to the arena early. If she'd timed her visit correctly, he'd still be upstairs.

She buzzed his apartment number and waited.

"Hello?"

"Hi," she said in a small voice. "Can I come up? I really want to talk to you."

There was no answer on the other line. But after a few seconds, the front door unlocked and Mae pulled it open.

She made her way up to Marc's apartment and knocked on the front door. It took him a few seconds, but he opened it and moved aside to let her in.

Mae removed her coat and held it in her arms, locks of red hair falling in front of her face. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Yeah," he agreed. Mae glanced over at the kitchen. The aroma of Marc's home-cooked lunch still lingered in the air.

"I've been watching your games on TV."

"That's cool."

Mae nibbled on her lower lip anxiously as she looked up at Marc. "Are you just going to answer me in monosyllabic words?"

He smiled just slightly. "Maybe."

"That was two."

"I know."

Mae tucked the stray hairs behind her ear and cleared her throat. "Look, Marc..." she began. "I know that it's been...what, three weeks since the last time we talked, but I've really wanted to come and see you for a while. The way things ended...it sucked, to say the least."

Marc scratched the back of his head. "If you want to talk, then talk. But I don't know if there's really anything left to say."

Mae reached into her pocket and pulled out her orange NA tag. Holding it up, she asked, "Do you know what this is, Marc?"

He just shook his head.

"This is proof that I've been clean for thirty days. And actually, in two days, I'll be getting my sixty-day tag. I've been doing my best to get better. I've been following the 12-Step program really carefully, and now I'm on step nine. Making amends."

Marc looked at the orange tag and back at Mae's face. "Jordan told me about the two of you."

"I know," she sighed. "He came by my apartment right after he saw you. He told me everything that happened. I'm just glad you didn't hit him."

"He's my brother," Marc said sadly. "As much as it killed me to know that he went behind my back like that...he's still family."

Then Mae asked softly, "And what about me?"

Marc exhaled, staring down at the ground. "I just...I don't know."

Mae took Marc's hand and led him over to the couch. She sat him down and then sat next to him, her legs crossed, looking directly into his eyes. "I want you to know the truth," she said. "From the beginning."

He just nodded slowly.

And so she told him everything.

Mae told him about what happened to Gabriel when she was ten, about her parents, about moving to New York and experimenting with drugs for the first time. And then she mentioned Jordan, and her voice got very quiet.

"He's helped me through so much," Mae said. "He's the one who encouraged me to get help. He helped me turn my life around, and I'll owe that to him forever. And I know that you might still feel hurt and betrayed by the fact that he and I went around behind your back, but even though I met you before him, I fell in love with Jordan first."

Marc let his head slump, but sent Mae an understanding look. Still, he said, "I really did care about you, Mae."

"I know."

"And I don't know if I can still be friends with you anymore."

Mae felt her heart break within her chest. She placed a hand on Marc's shoulder and asked, "Do you think you could try?"

He did his best to smile, but it still looked forced. "I'll think about it."

"Okay," she replied, her expression mirroring his. "That's all I could ever ask of you."

* * * * *

Back at her apartment, Mae was gathering a few of her belongings into a small duffel bag. She examined the cash in her wallet, ensuring that there was enough to get her to her destination. She had managed to sell four pieces to fellow Narcotics Anonymous participants and had earned around six hundred dollars. Along with what she already kept, it was enough to cover the cost of her rent and to pay for a Greyhound ticket from Manhattan to Columbus.

Mae shrugged the duffel bag over her shoulder and headed out. She walked down the busy streets, passing by all sorts of hockey fans adorned in their New York Rangers jerseys as they were getting set for that night's game.

Once she arrived at the Greyhound station, all she had to do was wait. It didn't take long for the bus to pull up and for everyone who was waiting in line to pile into the vehicle.

She knew that the bus was going to have to stop somewhere in Pennsylvania after a while, since it was already five o'clock and the drive, without traffic, would take them nearly ten hours. Still, she waited patiently by the window as the bus rolled out of the station and hit the road.

Mae closed her eyes and drifted in and out of sleep as the bus rumbled beneath her feet. She felt mentally exhausted, especially after talking to Marc. She knew that it would take time for him to forgive her, but she was just glad that he was at least taking it into consideration.

When she opened her eyes again, it was pitch black outside and people were filing out of the bus.

"Excuse me, but where are we stopped?" Mae asked an elderly lady as she walked by.

"We're in New Castle, Pennsylvania," she answered. "We're staying at a motel and we're going to keep heading west tomorrow morning."

"Oh," Mae nodded. "Um, how far is Pittsburgh from here?"

"Maybe an hour and a half?" the old woman shrugged. "Why, sweetie? Wanting to meet someone?"

Mae smiled. "Something like that."

Mae got off the bus and checked her phone for the time. It was around eleven at night. She checked into her room at the motel and called Jordan as soon as she passed the threshold.

"Hey, guess where I am?"

* * * * *

Around twelve forty-five in the morning, Jordan appeared at Mae's motel room door. She hugged him tightly as his long arms wrapped around her small frame and she ushered him inside.

"So, you're heading to Columbus?" he asked as they laid together on the bed, foreheads nearly touching.

"Yeah," Mae replied with a yawn. "I have to make amends with my parents."

He stroked the side of her face gently, moving slightly to kiss her on the lips. "I'm glad you decided to do this. And for talking to Marc too."

"Have you spoken to him since the last time you were in New York?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He's still upset with me, but I think he's cooled off a bit."

Mae sighed, snuggling closer to Jordan's warm body. "Thank you for driving all the way up here to stay with me," she whispered against his skin. "I didn't want to be alone."

"Don't worry about it," he mumbled, starting to drift off. "Let's just get some sleep. You've got a big day ahead of you tomorrow."