Not in a Million Years

"Hey."

"Hi."

"What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Okay."

"Bye."

"Bye."

That's how our first conversation went. After that, he just walked away-- and thank God. If my friends caught me talking to Bob Deal (ew) I would become a complete social outcast. See, he was the one who simply sat there. He never said anything. When I first saw him, I thought he was some random statue that had simply appeared around the building in different spots depending on the time.

He sat in the back of every class and never did any schoolwork. He'd only sit there and scribble all over pieces of paper and pass them to random people. Once I got one that said, "I'm going to kill you and hide your remains in the coat closet." That was what gave me the feeling that he was even more of a freak then I had made him out to be.

Another thing he would do for fun was steal someones notebook and draw Satanic symbols on it. Once he was done, it would be covered in pentagrams, the number 666, drawings of weird little demon babies, and-- since he was artistically gifted-- the head of a goat.

My friends and I sat back and watched as he continued to become more and more disturbing. For some reason, it was like our favorite TV show. We would drive past his house at night and snicker at him as we watched him play his guitar up in his bedroom. We all thought he was pathetic.

I think he knew we would watch him all the time. He never mentioned it or talked about it, but he would smile every time we walked by.

Then one night, Troy Finch, the quarterback that my best friend was dating, decided to have the party of the century at his house while his parents were in Europe. Of course, everyone heard about it, and everyone was fucking pumped.

"Which one's his house again?" I asked, looking farther down the road.

"The one with all the lights on and the loud music." My friend Krista finished fixing her hair in the rear view mirror and turned to me.

"Okay, that makes sense." I sighed, still struggling to find the house.

"This is gonna be so fun!" Krista gushed. "I mean, everyone's gonna be there."

"Well, not everyone, remember?"

"You know, all the good people. Meaning no Bob Deal. Yuck."

I grimaced and laughed. "Imagine if he actually showed up!"

"Troy would fucking kill him! He has that pool in the back yard where we could easily drown him." She giggled.

I smiled, imagining that. "He's such a fucking loser."

"Hey, there's the house, Ivy!" Troy's mansion came into view, sparkling with lights and littered with half-naked teenagers. We pulled up, got out, and went to socialize. Troy ran up and welcomed Krista by shoving his tongue in her mouth.

From there, I went to go walk around and find someone to talk to. Practically everyone I knew was crammed into the pool, screaming and splashing and giggling. Plus there were enough drugs and alcohol to last until 1987. I sat down, dipped my legs in the pool and summoned Andrew, Troy's friend. He dog paddled over and touched my cheek.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey," I smiled. "Having fun?"

"Get your ass in here, Ivy. I hate waiting." He laughed.

"I'm not going naked."

"Dammit." He said jokingly. "Well, go in your clothes. It ain't illegal."

"Alright, alright, you win."

"I always do," He winked, pulling me in next to him. "So where's your little friend Krista?"

"Probably in the bedroom with Troy."

"Hm, wanna go join them?"

"Shut up!" I splashed him. All of the sudden, the entire place fell silent. Andrew's eyes went wild with hatred. I tapped him. "What is it?"

He answered by picking me up and carrying me out of the pool. "Come on, this isn't fair. What happened? Why did everything just get so quiet?"

"Ivy, look behind you." He whispered. I did as he said and saw what everyone was freaking out about. Mr. Bob Deal stood there, acting natural. Andrew moved forward, leaving me in the middle of the crowd. Krista and Troy ran down and looked around. They both froze, staring at him. I glanced around helplessly, unsure what to do.

"What are you doing here?" Troy growled.

"It's a party, isn't it?" Bob shrugged, looking around. Krista ran over to me.

"That motherfucker's gonna die." She said softly, with a little bit of happiness in her voice. All I could do was nod slowly.

"Yeah, but no one said you were invited." Andrew stepped forward, ready to attack.

"Well, I took it upon myself to come anyway." He said, swishing his long, black hair out of his face. I bit my lip and turned to Krista. She started giggling.

"Look, they just put weights in his coat pockets without him knowing." She chuckled.

"What's that gonna do?"

My question was answered by a loud splash and a bunch of laughing and cheering. I looked back at the empty pool and saw Bob sinking to the bottom, splashing around helplessly. I gasped and ran towards Troy and Andrew.

"What the fuck did you guys just do?" I asked, panicking.

"We're gonna drown that sonofabitch." Andrew responded, watching Bob squirming around below the water. Without thinking, I dove in and grabbed him, trying my hardest to get the weights out of his pockets. Sure, I hated the guy, but did we really have to kill him?

I pulled him out, breathing heavily. He coughed up some water, got up, and started to walk out the door. I ran after him out into the front yard.

"Don't go," I begged, grabbing his hand.

"Oh, and why not? So you can watch me die? What the hell is wrong with you guys? What did I ever do?"

"Listen, I don't know what their problem is, okay? Please don't go. I'll make sure they don't hurt you." I said sincerely.

He thought for a moment, then said, "It's not worth the risk. It was nice of you to get your hair wet for me, but I'd appreciate it if you never talked to me again."

Then I did the most disgusting thing imaginable. I turned him around and hugged him. He stood there, shocked that someone of my social status was actually touching him. I heard a few gasps from behind me, since the entire party had migrated to see what the hell was going to happen. He looked down at me, smiled, and said, "I think I'm gonna leave now."

"Can I come with you?" I asked.

"Are you okay?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Never better."

"Well, listen, my parents don't know I'm here. Maybe another time?" He touched my cheek.

"Sure."

With that, he sped away, and I walked back to the house, pretending nothing had ever happened.

The next day at school, I looked everywhere for him. He wasn't there. And even a week later, he was nowhere to be found. Krista told me he had dropped out, and I completely freaked out. I had really wanted to talk to him again and get to know him a bit more before Troy tried to shoot him, but I guess that would never happen.

FOUR YEARS LATER

I started the car and drove down to some bar down town where I was meeting Krista and Jessica. I parked about a block away and went into the bar to look for them. Some band of losers who called themselves "Motley Crue" was finishing their last song. Krista and Jessica weren't there yet, so I simply sat there, waiting for them.

The Motley Crue guys ran over and sat down next to me, ordering practically every alcoholic beverage they had. I tried to ignore them, but they were just too damn annoying. The bartender walked over and set a bottle of whiskey in front of me. I looked up.

"From the guitarist of Motley Crue." He nodded. I thanked him and stared at it. Huh-- probably spiked with something.

Someone tapped my shoulder from behind. I spun around.

"Remember me?" Bob asked, smiling.