Remembering Rae

When looking at my watch, I saw Tara passing me by, hitting my shoulder on purpose. I actually didn't notice until I felt a paint in my arm. Still, I didn't care. Everything was so different after the death of Rae. It was more quiet. There was an epidemic of silence. Was it because Rae was usually the loudest voice in school? Yeah, it did quite make a difference. As I slowly walked through the - at this moment empty hallways, things seem to feel worse. I remembered I wouldn't ever be able to share my stories with her, to tell her my secrets. I wouldn't ever be able to tell her how much she actually meant to me. I know she knew. But I never told her that I loved her. As I reached the classroom I belonged in, the teacher held the door open for me and greeted me. I didn't say thank you, not even smiled. Sorrow had reached my heart. And it wouldn't fade for a long time. It would take ages for me to heal. If I'd still be alive.

I scribbled down some words for the story I was writing. About her and me. I was never good at writing. At least, I thought so. Rae always told me to put my chin up and never listen to what other people say. She's told me my poems were amazing. Though, this wasn't a poem about life. This was writing life itself. I gazed at the chalkboard and saw some sentences written in the worst handwriting ever. But Mr. Estano was one of those who couldn't care less if we could read it or not. As far as I was able to read, it said something alike "Homework", "page" and some numbers I couldn't decode. As if I could think about homework right now. Everyone had problems with his writing, even now we're used to it. And he keeps wondering why we're hanging over our tables. I looked back at my paper and saw the few words I wrote. Not even enough to fill a sentence with. Squeezing my pen, I tried to think of some moments we had together. And remembered some good old days when we got to get revenge on Tara. But I had to stick with the story. And continued where I started. Sometimes, a pen and paper was all someone needed to have their heart set free.