I Have A Secret, This Is My Confession

I lied when I said I was over you.

But that’s not really what hurts me.

You said you wanted to be friends. I believed you. We had just broken up and I cried for four hours. I couldn’t stop.

I loved you.

That’s not right. I love you. Still.

But I know you don’t love me anymore. You probably didn’t at all, no matter how many times you said you did.

It’s been two months and seven days since you said we’d still be friends.

We don’t even talk anymore. I try, but it’s strained and the conversations just make me sad. I know you don’t think of me anymore and I think of you all the time.

I stalk your facebook page. Mostly to see if your relationship status will change; if that’s why we broke up, there was someone else. It never does, but I keep doing it.

What’s even worse?

I keep doing things to myself to try and get you to notice me again, even if it’s just on facebook, it doesn’t ever work. But I keep doing it.

I hate myself more for it.

I think about cutting myself to numb the pain, but I never do because I’m afraid of anyone seeing the blood I leave behind. Or how they’ll know I’m not happy like I’ve faked them into believing.