Agateophobia

I took a step farther,and a bright light blurred my vision. Then as i shook in fright,everything was now laden in dark shadows,the whole world a dark charade.

Suddenly faces of my mother were circling and circling me,yelling harsh words. Words from my childhood,ones that have only shaped my life. I stumbled forward,only to be met with a tremble of my knees and impact on the black ground. I searched desperately for a light. The light to free me.My escape.

As I groped around feebly,mumbling incoherent words,I became unaware of two enormous hands reaching for me. I dared a glance up,following an eruption of screams. As the malicious,blood dripping fingers stretched closer I found myself handcuffed to thin air.

I thrashed,trying to escape,my body quivering. My legs were tied with a rope,and I attempted to scream once more. My throat tightened,and felt rough,thick,and itchy with every intake of....air? still the hands clawed forward.

A bit behind the hands was a full circle of light. my eyes widened reflecting the white orb fully. My vision failed when a drop of blood cascaded down onto me. The droplets of crimson death fell more rapidly,covering my trapped body. I started to thrust my hips forward, attempting to get this unknown weight off me,before the hands took hold of me.The light disappeared and the hands covered me. I opened my mouth to scream one last time,but instead my body shook and a single tear escaped,mixing with my red demise.

I took one more step and I was back on the sidewalk, in the bright sun. My face was sticky,hot,and perspiring.I walked slowly,my eyes shifting from one place to another.

Kill yourself.

"Who said that?" I asked,stopping just in front of an alcoholic store.

Me.

"Who are you? Where are you?" I searched in fear,while I demanded. I was making wild gestures,and sharp,quick turns. i kept telling myself your over tired,and fatigued.

No Lilith. I'm right here. I am part of you. No,I am you. I am inside you.

"No,no. I'm perfectly fine."

Turn to your right. Do it! No,eh? I guess I will force you.

Suddenly my body jerked to my right,I started to scream,scream as loud as i could. My body raced forward, my gangly arms flailing to the sides of me. My lungs hurt from the sounds I was emitting. I could hear the voice's laughter,laced with giddy intentions.

The customers in the shop looked fearful,cowering away from me. My body felt taken over,I felt as if I was watching myself glare,hiss,and run. i tried to stop my body from doing this,but ultimately failed. My body flung through the air,and into two rows of wine. Every bottle and more collapsed over my still body. The laughter,laughter that I heard for two years but succeeded in ignoring,echoed in all parts of me,alive and dead. My body came back into my control, and I kept repeating "I am not insane."

* * *

My arms felt heavy,my legs even heavier. My eyelids seems to be nailed shut. where was I? What happened to me? All those questions one asks when they are lost? After struggling for five minutes,my eyes peeled open.

I was in my lonely dark apartment,on my twin sized bed. I rolled to my right and another person was there. one i hadn't seen in two years. Death had parted us.

"William?" I whispered,on the verge of tears.

"Whats up baby?" He mumbled,wrapping one arm around me. He always protected me,just as his name means. I could feel his touch,his warmth,his love,his protection.

I pressed my lips onto his own,soaking in what i have so dearly missed. he chuckled and put his hands in my hair. Eventually it got heated,and we kept whispering sweet nothing into each others ear.

I stripped off my clothes,oblivious to what I was actually wearing. it fell into a heap in a corner next to a large,locked metal door with a small circular window.

I continued to straddle him,even as he thrust into me. He was groaning softly,making my heart rate jump a mile higher. I moaned his name in return,escalating our feelings. My body still felt heavy but it wasn't as noticeable. I began to climax. My screams piercing the still,moist air,the bed was rocking roughly. Then that despicable,noticeable laugh ringed,louder then all else.

The harsh laughter sunk into every pore I had. Then instead of making love,my lover was transformed into my mother. her naked body pressed against me,her mouth bitting my nipples aggressively ,a knife flashing rapidly in the air above my eyes.

She violated me for hours,then started to scream,withering on top of me.I was crying,trying to push myself away. My body felt heavy again,I felt weak.

She caught hold of my wrists growling,saying the devil must die. she sliced my wrists four times each,my screams giving her joy that nothing else could. My pain severe and unending. She continued to wipe the sharp edge across my neck,breast,stomach,thighs,and ankles. Her laughter joined in with the one from earlier.

"I need help! Please,hurry?!" A old women hollered. i could hear my ragged breaths,the shuffling of feet,the yells for more medicine. I attempted to raise myself up,but my body defied me.

I flicked my eyes open. An old lady was hollering out into a dark hallway,a metal door swung open. I looked at my cold sticky body. Scratches,stitches,and dried blood caked on. I was also nude,and perspiring. I heard running feet,each sound an over exaggerated pound.

Get up you filth!

The voice was once again back,adding to my throbbing head. I shook my body vigorously.

I said rise

I began to repeat to myself that I was fine. Assuring myself that i was alright. Just peachy. I wasn't losing it.

You piece of trash. Where do you think you are? An insane asylum. yeah,look around. Your here,like all the other freaks. Freak. Now stand up and run for it. Because you don't belong here,do you?

I laid still,soaking in the despicable,seething words. The truth. I found my footing easier than I thought. Once again i felt as if I was watching,but only by a half not fully. The sly voice commanding me on every move.

Run! Security and medics are coming. Run fool!

I ran,shaking some,past the door. Medics stopped as the security men grabbed hold of me. The old woman looked solemn,shaking her head sadly.

"I'm perfectly fine. Let me go!" I hollered,kicking as they carried me back.

Failure! You lost your chance. Our chance.

I let the tears fall,trying and...failing to get the voice to leave. I was still struggling once I looked up. My body went limp once I saw him. The security men looked wary,and slowly carried me back. My best friend Lucas. As his name means,he was always my bringer of light. his eyes were glistening,and he looked like a miserable wreck. I disobeyed the angry voice,and stopped fighting all together. What was the point?