That Only Exception

Have you no proper vision? My name is Noah. Spelled N-O-A-H. As in Noah’s Ark, from the Bible. I refrain from deeming myself a steady religion at such a young age, but I find myself wanting to pray for you.

Your insolence is quite annoying, and quite frankly I find it hard to believe you’ve made it as far as you have in your schooling. Although, I will commend you for your proper Italian. Alas, not all hope is lost in your troubling future. Oh, and the word was indeed anonymous. Perhaps you should invest in a dictionary.

My mother, I find is not of the ‘pretty’ category. She is more of the motherly selection. She looks like a mother, though I know not how to describe such a look. Beautiful, I would venture? Incompetent could refer to many things, one being your lack of knowledge, but more over it means not… how should I say, performing the correct skills it would take to do something. Understand?

I am in fact nine years old. Marveling at my wise age however, will not earn you favorable points. I care not that your birthday is soon. And dear, naïve child, have you no common sense. Once you are nine, I will soon be 10, which will in fact put us at a difference of age once again.

Third grade is fairly simple, for someone of my expertise of course. You however, may struggle, though I recommend picking up a copy of ‘Elementary school for Dummies’ on your way home from classes one day. I am in fact smart, though I will inform you that I stand quite unknowing amongst fellow overachievers.

My name is not funny. It is one of strength, and biblical importance. Not that you would understand something as such. I strongly resent that testament. A star fruit is obvious a fruit. It does in fact take the shape of a star, but only when cut into slices. It’s skin varies in color, though my mother purchases them at an orange shade.

Your lack of knowledge for objects other than Barbie’s, and ‘sparkly’ cars, frightens me. Not to pry, but how many father’s do you have? I only have one, my real father, though he works most of the time.

I am not old. I am merely a year older, and wiser, than you. And whichever father is right. Speaking proper is a very wise choice, which I know you will learn to appreciate in the future. A sibling means brothers, or sisters. I’ve been informed that you have one brother. Zack, was it? Yes, so please refrain from harming your brain farther by thinking of the matter. A ‘smart cookie’, is definitely a newer term that I have not yet become acquainted with.

Pen Pal? Ah, I think we may be able to arrange that. You will have to learn to read a bit more, and write a bit more articulate, but that can definitely be arranged. I can squeeze you into my schedule somehow.

I do not in fact live in California, but I reside in New York. Do you know where that is? I figured not. It’s on the complete opposite of the country. Please save me a hospital stay, and inform me that you do know what country means.

For the billionth time, my name is NOAH. Not NOEL. I find the two entirely different, and my dislike for you has gone up quite a bit. Insolence is never cute. With that being said, I would not like to marry you. I am only nine, with at least 30 years of higher education in my future. You would do well to follow my example. Charlotte sounds incompetent.

You missed an ‘e’. The word for the second time is sincer-E-ly,

NOAH G. Richardson