I Knew A Boy

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I knew a boy. His name was Zack Baker, and he didn't live to see the age of eighteen. He'd finally gotten what he thought he wanted, what I thought I wanted. There was no saving him.

Looking back as my story comes to its closure, I feel that now the words have become a burden to the pages they lie on, and not my heart. I can look back on al of the things that happened to me at the tender, naive age of fourteen and realize that none of that happened just on a whim. It happened so that I could rise out of the debris with a stronger head on my shoulders. It was a test of who I really was. It brought about who I really was. A writer.

I began writing a few months after everything happened. Every ounce of pain still inside me for any reason was let go onto sheets upon sheets of paper. I began filling notebooks easily, and I made more out of myself than just the pathetic shell I had become.

That was one part of my life I wish I could just erase. I came so close to erasing myself completely with that silly pink razor. I didn't even think of what might've happened if I really went through with it and finished myself off. I didn't think of all of the people I would have hurt. I didn't think of all the things I would miss.

The colors of a sunset. The color of.... the color of Brian's chocolate brown eyes as they gazed into my soul. The sound of music, of wind gliding through the crisp autumn leaves. The smell of clean sheets when tumbling through them with a loved one. The smell of a freshly mowed lawn. The sights, the sounds, the scents, the tastes. The feel. The feel of Brian's hand in mine. The feel of his lips on my cheek. All of those things I would have missed.

All of the things I wanted with Zack all those years ago, I now had with Brian. It was so unexpected when it all happened, but I was glad that it did, because he helped me get through many other hard times that came with the death of our friend.

It's taken a long time, but the scars have finally healed. I don't have to cry. I just look back on all the good times. I finally live in peace, the memories haunting me no longer.

I sighed as I set my notebook down, the pen still resting between my fingers. I felt like this huge weight had been lifted from my heart. I felt like I was no longer being held back with the burden I once carried. Because now, the whole world has a chance to know my story. To read it, take it in, become a part of it. They can feel the pain I felt.

I looked up and out the window of my dorm as I sat in my chair. From my third story suite I had the perfect view of the courtyard below, and I watched as the world kept spinning. People kept living Birds kept chirping. Everything kept going, and now I could join. I could go with it. The night would come and a new day would follow. And I'm ready for that new day.

I jumped, startled when I felt my cell vibrating in my back pocket. My notebook fell carelessly from my lap to the floor as I fished out my hone. One look at the caller ID was enough to make a smile tug at my lips.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone.

"Hey," came the sweet sound of Brian's voice. "How are you doing today?" he asked knowingly.

"I'm doing good," I answered, the smile never leaving my lips as I looked back out that window, watching as the world kept turning, bringing me with it. "I'm doing really good."