Bliss

The very last note of music was fading in the air as the band’s singer shouted his very last words into the microphone. Events like these are the only times when I like being surrounded by many people – if I’m inside a crowd. The crowd wasn’t big, and I wasn’t a fan of the music that had been played, but the feeling was the same freedom as always. Standing in the middle of a room surrounded by people you don’t know and share with them such personal moments as listening to music happening live right in front of your eyes, it might be my favorite feeling in the world.

“Thank you guys, tonight was great!” the singer thanked the crowd, announcing the show is over. To be honest, I couldn’t even remember the name of the band. They weren’t genius, but they were alright. I’ve never heard this band before, actually, but it was a small show for free and my friends wanted to go so I figured I should join them. I didn’t know the band members’ faces either, at least not personally – I know I had seen them around in school, most definitely.

What caught my attention most about the show was their drummer. His face was most familiar, and I am absolutely sure that I have seen him on school countless times, always surrounded by a million friends of course. I never knew he was in a band though, I’ve always knew he was into music but didn’t even think he was in a band. I must admit though, he was really, really good.

The band was heading off stage, and my eyes followed the blond drummer. I saw him heading towards a room right next to the tiny stage, and knew I’ll have to go talk to him about music. I always love talking to people about music, it’s such an interesting subject that I could never get enough of. Besides, I do not know many people who are into music as much as I am, so I’m always searching.

As the drummer disappeared from my sight, I turned my head to my friends. They were discussing the show, just saying it was great. But they didn’t really know; they didn’t really understand anything about music. So I kept myself away from the conversation, just nodding when I was asked anything. Truth was, all they said was wrong. The band sounded okay, but musically they were pretty lame. The only good thing they had was their drummer.

Five minutes later, I was too bored with their conversation. Instead of listening to them, I mumbled something about leaving and turned around. There was no doubt of where I should go – I headed over the room the drummer disappeared into earlier. I mean, it was a great opportunity to get to know someone who is really into music. I could tell him that he was great live and then we could become friends and I could share all my music thoughts with someone.

As soon as I entered the room, I found myself in a crowded place again. The room was pretty small, but it was filled with people right about my age, maybe a little older. Between all the people, or actually, – between all the girls – there was the drummer, speaking to the crowd surrounding him.

For a minute or so, I stood in the room wondering what I should do. Obviously, he was busy doing something that is a bit more interesting then talking to a stranger about music, but I just wasn’t feeling like going back to be with my friends. Truth is – I actually hate their company, at least for the most part. They just never get me, they don’t like the same things as I do and honestly, I am very bored when I am around them. But then again, my other option is staying in a crowded room filled with strangers.

I chose to stick to the strangers. I wasn’t going to bother them or anything; my plan was simply to sit on the side until the girls would leave the room. My eyes met with the sight of a few chairs at the side of the room, and I gladly walked over it. I don’t mind being alone, I never bore myself. Sometimes I really just prefer to be isolated from society, just because my own mind and thoughts entertain me better than others.

Staring blankly at the room around me, I let my mind drift away. My first thoughts were revolved around thinking – I was thinking of what I should be thinking. It always happens to me when I find myself alone among others, I know I need to keep myself busy with my mind and I just end up wondering how. Usually, it leads to thoughts of no thinking at all. What if I didn’t think? Would I still be able to be alive? How needed thinking is anyway? Do we really have to think? And what if we won’t, would it really be that awful?

Life with no thoughts would be boring, though. We’d all be like boring machine, just doing the same things over again with no reason at all. We’d become so numb, and worse, we wouldn’t even realize it – we cannot understand anything without thinking. Our brain would probably barely work, as well. Would we even do anything without thoughts? Not anything other than basic needs, I believe. Thoughts are our way to express our desires, and if we wouldn’t want anything then we wouldn’t need anything except for the basic needs.

Through my thoughts, I could still hear everything that had happened around me; but I don’t think anybody had noticed me. “It’s so cool that you’re in a band!” one of the girls around the drummer said. There weren’t real conversations around the room, it was pretty much a bunch of girls all over a guy and it honestly seemed pretty pointless. Though, I won’t lie to myself – I was probably jealous of this guy. I really wanted a band, mainly for the music. But seeing all of the attention he was getting, I wanted some too.

I could easily imagine myself in his place. Coming off stage after a show and placing my guitar – I’d be a guitarist – somewhere backstage, exhausted from the show but filled with energy and good vibes. I could see myself just in the blond drummer’s spot, surrounded by girls that would be focusing their entire attention of me, wanting to hear more about me and think I am the coolest guy in the world. Then, there would be an after party, and everybody would care about me and my band. It could be wonderful.

“Oh, no, I’m not in the band,” the drummer replied with a smile, shining perfect teeth. I bet he gets girls without even such things; he just seems like that kind of guy. “The band’s drummer couldn’t make it tonight, so the band asked me to fill in. I’m just doing some friends a favor,” he explained, laughing the entire thing off. At start, I thought all the girls around him would go away, and maybe try to find the actual band members. But they stayed – they all had stayed. I rolled my eyes, and looked away from them, trying to distance my mind once again.

That guy is a great drummer, though. Even if he isn’t in a band, he seems like a great musician. I wish my friends were more like him, or at least that a few of them were. That way, I could start my own band and actually feel like I might have the chance to live the dream I’ve had ever since I can remember. I’ve played music my entire life, pretty much. I was taught to play the piano when I was a little kid, and a few years ago I picked up the guitar. If I could, I would buy myself a little studio with all kind of instruments and study each and every one of these, but – of course – I cannot afford such thing. Someday though, hopefully, I might be able to.

Reality is cruel, though, and my dreams are nowhere near coming true. The people around this town could never form a band with me. Those who I hang out with are not enough into music, and most definitely cannot play on anything. The people who do know to play one instrument or another are far too cool to hang out with anybody like me. I would never get to talk to them.

My gaze went back to the blond drummer, and I noticed that there were now fewer people in the room. Did he just say earlier that he wasn’t in the band? He most certainly did. Maybe I could start a band with him, then. He seems like a cool guy, so I could just ask him about that. Well, I don’t know him at all but I assume he would be a cool guy. I’m not sure if he is, but I’d hope so. I probably spend too much thinking, I should cut that off. Or at least think less of things that might happen, that always messes with my mind.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar voice cut me off my thoughts. It took a second for me to realize I was the one being talked to, and so I quickly looked up and jumped off my seat. Without planning to, I found myself standing face to face with a guy taller than me. The room was nearly empty by that time; in fact, the only person other than me was the blond drummer. “Oh, um, yeah hi!” I answered quickly, trying to not make a fool of myself. I felt partly awkward, but I wasn’t feeling shy. Actually, I was pretty confident with myself. People tend to think I’m shy, and rather quiet, but I’m not. I just don’t have much to say around these very people.

“Hi,” the drummer chuckled, “Do I know you?” he asked with a smile. “Oh, yeah, no. I mean, we go to school together but you probably don’t, well I don’t know you either too.” I blabbered, my voice speaking almost as quickly as my mind was working. I always do that, say so much nothing and confuse everyone around me. I think I did it again. “Anyway, my name’s Matthew Bellamy,” I introduced myself and chuckled my non-sense off, offering my hand for a handshake introduction. “Dominic Howard,” he answered with a bright smile, shaking my hand.

“Yeah, well, anyway I just wanted to tell you that you were real good on the drums earlier,” I started speaking out my thoughts. Suddenly, I felt like a bit of an idiot. My thoughts just sounded so much better in my brain, but out there, they sounded kind of silly. I almost felt as if I was one of the girls from earlier, and that is a weird feeling. “Uhm I’m not really in the band,” Dominic cut me off. I knew that, of course, he said that earlier. But he probably didn’t know that I knew. “Yeah I know,” I answered quickly. “But you were still really good, great talent you’ve got”

Dominic smiled again, showing off those perfectly white teeth. Very straight, too. “Yeah well I was thinking that maybe, well, since you’re not in that band but you really do know how to play the drums I thought maybe you could, err, maybe you’d like to be in a band? ’Cause you’re pretty good you should be in a band,” I was blabbering again. I always do, when I talk I always blabber. Did I even make any sense? I sure hope so.

“You’ve got a band?” Dominic asked confused, I could tell he was a bit confused by his facial expression. I should really organize my thoughts before I speak; people always get confused when I speak. But my thoughts are organized, actually, but maybe my order is really a mess to others. “Yeah. I mean, no, I don’t but I know to play the guitar, and the piano too, and I think we could start a band. If you’d like, of course,” I spoke quickly. I always speak fast, as if I am in a hurry. I can’t help it, though. I don’t even realize that I do that, honestly, it just happens.

“So like, you want me to start a band with you?” Was I really that unclear? I thought I was clearer this time. But well, either way, whatever. I nodded in reply, waiting for his answer. I tried to keep a smile off my face, because I didn’t want to look like a creep. But I was excited, I really was. I had a feeling that this is all going to work pretty nicely.

Dominic took a few seconds before answering, and it made me a little nervous; but only a little. “Well, you seem nice and all,” he finally started speaking. “,but I rather not to. I’m sorry, mate. I just don’t think it could work out.” This was my turn to be confused. “What do you mean, why not?” I wasn’t quite sure what his answer meant. I knew he said no, but his reason was unclear. I think I still wanted to convince him, which was an action I deeply regretted a few minutes later.

“Well, I don’t know, you just don’t seem the kind of guy I’d hang out with, you know? No offense, though,” Dominic replied calmly. His voice was so cheerful, the entire conversation, and he was a slow speaker. It annoyed me, but not as much as his words angered me. He was judging me, based on absolutely nothing.

At that moment, I hated Dominic Howard.