I'm Not Your Toy

Robert's Point of View -

They thought I was clean, but they never knew if I was clean or not. I’m in, and I’m out. I’m in, and I’m out. Of jail, that is. For what you ask? Drugs – well, for the most part. But can you blame a guy? It’s called addiction, and I want to get out of it. But no one’s got me going yet. Okay, the jail’s been pretty harsh, but I guess they figure that they can’t really sentence me. Nobody has yet to really push me into stopping the drugs.

Maybe I’m digging this hole with my secrecy. I’m not showing people that I’m in this deep, deep hole. They don’t know I need help because they can’t see it. Why else would they have signed me up to go on these television interviews if they didn’t think I was perfectly capable?

Tonight I can say I’m clean though for that sole reason. Work is first, and this is work – promoting the movies that I love to work on, and more importantly – my public image. In the absence of that push to keep clean I work. Sometimes it’s kept me off the stuff, sometimes the stuff is too hard to keep off of, but I can’t say I don’t try.

Tonight is one of those TV interviews that I’m supposed to be capable of. I can’t say it isn’t tempting. It’s nearly twelve at night. I could be out somewhere doing what I do, but I can’t. They don’t need me. I’m here, in England, on some crazy show that I’ve never heard of. They’ve probably never even heard of me. Why am I even here? Just give it an hour or two and I’ll be back outside. Maybe then…maybe.

“This is work, Robert. Work. This is what you do. You keep clean and work. This is why you’re here.” I said to myself as I stared at my reflection in the dressing room mirror. I could see slight movement in my mirror, and turned around with a suppressed scare.

“You’re on, Mr. Downey.” I straightened my tie, and waited behind the curtain. There was a woman standing there as well. She must be on this show tonight too.

She looked strangely familiar, but where did I know her from? I remember her from somewhere, but where? Maybe she’s part of the crew I’d seen around set?

She was wearing a blue dress, and it had a belt around her waist. It came to about an inch above her knee. She looked tall, but she wasn’t taller than me. She was thin but curvy. The blue dress made her blue eyes pop, and her black hair was shiny and a little on the curly side, coming down to a little below her shoulder. Her shoes were a white, canvas flat. She looked stylish; ready for this new millennium. I opted for a suit and tie.

The man with the earpiece guided me onto the platform as I heard my name being called out. I looked back at her. I yelled to her, “Hey, baby, maybe we could get a drink after the show! Find me after we wrap this up!” I ended it with a wink in her direction. She smiled in embarrassment.

I walked on the platform in front of the audience – waving and bowing to their applause. I shook the host’s hand and took my seat as he announced the other guests. “And now, ladies and gentlemen, a very, very special guest tonight. I can’t believe we got her out of her office! Julia Miko!”

Oh shit. Now I knew where she was from. This is not good.