Love Now, Live Later

It was standing room only, which I was glad for. I didn't really like being confined to a seat, it made me nervous. Then again, a lot of things made me nervous. Flyleaf wasn't the headlining band, which I was quite surprised from the way Hayley talked about them. She loved them, I think she'd die for them to be honest. They were up next, she was screaming at the top of her lungs. We were pretty close to the stage, in the mosh pit. We were about two rows of people away from the stage. I secretly had to admit that I was also pretty excited. She always showed me new bands, and all of them have been good. I hoped that it would be the same with this one. I tried to remember their names.

“What were their names again?” I shouted to Hayley over the aroused crowd.

“Jeez Kris. How many times am I gonna have to tell you?” she laughed.

“Lacey is the lead singer obviously, then there's Jared, he's one of the guitarists, Sameer is the other. Pat is the Bassist. Last but certainly not least, is James. He's the drummer and my future husband!” she winked at me and giggled like she was a love sick high school girl.

We're in college by the way. Random fact, I know. We both go to NYU. Look at that, she's pretty and smart. A hard combination to come by. Hayley is just overall perfect.

“Oh my God! They're coming on now! I think I'm going to die!” Hayley screamed dramatically.

It was dark on stage and the crowd hyped up even more, if that was even possible. Five dark silhouettes appeared on stage, then the music started. I listened intently, trying not to miss a beat.

I’ve written songs
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark
I’ve felt inspired
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark
I hide myself
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark
Used to be afraid
Of the dark, of the dark, of the dark, of the dark
Those in the light know we die
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark

There’s only artificial light here
My flaws hide well here
I used to be afraid of cluttered noises
Now I’m afraid of silence
Fill this space
Idle words

I’m scared to death of light and silence
Jesus kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like you did, like you did

Now I am mute despite myself
All of them are gone
The silence overtakes me
The idle words forsake me
And I am left to face me

I’m held accountable
For every idle word
Curse the idle words

I’m scared to death of light and silence
Jesus kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like you did, like you did

Glory shows up
Exposes us
I’m naked here
Forsaken here
By the dark
By the dark
Damn the dark

I’m scared to death of light and silence
Jesus kill me inside this
Raise me up to live again
Like you did, like you did

That first song was beautiful. Amazing, I couldn't even describe it. It made me feel so, sure of myself, like it connected with my inner most thoughts. I already liked them. Lacey's voice was so serene, so real. I loved it. Hayley always did have amazing taste in music. Then, again they played another song. So majestically. But this time, something else caught my eye. One of the guitarists, Sameer. I thought that I must have been off my rocker, but I could have sworn through out the song he was looking at me. His eyes look as though they were fixated on me, well at least in my direction. The way he moved and rapidly strummed that guitar, it was awesome. Simply awesome. I was guessing Hayley must have noticed too.

“Kris, I think he's looking at you! Sameer! Oh my God! He's definitely checking you out. Oh gosh, you lucky girl! I wish James would look at me like that!” she exclaimed in a giddy fashion. She could be such a child sometimes, with her googly eyes, drooling over some rock star she knows she has no chance with.

“I don't think he's looking at me, Hayley. There's so many people in this crowd. He's probably just looking in this general direction, like he could even see clearly into the crowd with all those bright lights up there,” I explained.

“Oh jeez, you're such a downer.” I think I slightly brought down her mood.

It was true though, I guess I was a downer. But I only spoke the truth. He couldn't have been looking at me, it was impossible. Guys just don't look at me that way. Especially not a rock star. No one is attracted to a gremlin.

But even still, I had to admit that it was kind of weird. They played at least four songs and his gaze did not alter. I thought I'd do somewhat of a test. I pushed through the crowd all the way up to the stage and stared at him. His gaze followed me. I was utterly confused.

This can't be. Why would someone like him be looking at only me? I've got to get out of here.

I pushed my way through the crowd. Blood rushed to my head and my heart was beating profusely. Beads of sweat covered my face and chest. I was having one of my occasional anxiety attacks. Everything was spinning. I needed to get out of there, quickly. I felt as though I was going to throw up. I made it to the exit, my sanctuary. I pushed the heavy door open to salvation. I leaned against the wall and slid all the way down. I inhaled deeply, focusing all my attention on a single spot on the concrete. It was a way for me to overtake my attacks. I sat there, against the wall, just thinking.