More Than Words Could Ever Say
The Hardest Part is the Awful Things I've Seen
23/10 2:07AM
I just woke up, covered in sweat and gasping for air. I had another nightmare…I barely remember it, even now, but I recall seeing my family dying before my eyes. These terrors have been haunting me for the past year or so, and I get little sleep. They are really horrible…they always involve myself or people I love dying. In fact, I think it’s time I told my parents about them. They will make a big deal out of it.
24/10 3:15AM
I had another nightmare. I’m still shaking, I remember it vividly. I dreamt that I was sitting in my bedroom, I looked up, and saw myself sitting on the floor with a knife in my hand, stabbing a dove. I drew closer, and I looked up from the dove, and my eyes were black, with blood pouring from them. My dream-self started screaming and I woke up, sitting on my bedroom floor and choking for air. It was one of the worst terrors I’ve had, so I told mum and dad. I think they’re too pissed off that I woke them up to care, so I will tell them everything in the morning. I hope there’s something that can be done about my nightmares.
25/10 12:30PM
Mum and dad told me to record what happens in my nightmares, so I showed them this journal. They gave me odd looks. I suppose they aren’t going to do anything to help me here, not until I tell them that I sleepwalk. Oh well. I’m sure nightmares don’t mean anything. They’re just unwanted thoughts, right?
27/10 1:03AM
A few minutes ago, I was standing in the middle of the road in my PJ’s, screaming my head off. I’ve never sleepwalked out of the house before. My mum ran out after me and brought me inside; she looked really worried. I told her about my dream; I was running around my house being chased by a big snake that had eaten my family. It was one of those dreams where your legs are heavy and you cant run. I hate those dreams. Mum is talking with ad now, and they sound really worried. I don’t want to have to see a psych.
28/10 4:50AM
I am amazed at how much sleep I got tonight. This time I had a falling dream; its nothing compared to other ones I have had. Its really not important, but I will write down what happened because mum and dad will want to know. I basically dreamt that I was driving this really crappy beat up car, and I drove it right up the side of a huge building. I reached the top and just as I did a huge murder of crows engulfed my car, and I lost control. When the birds finally flew away I saw that I was falling, and I woke up just as I fell from my bed onto the floor. The dream wasn’t as bad as many, but I am shaking.
29/10 2:45AM
Mum and dad are in the kitchen now, talking. I can barely write, I am shaking so badly: my writing must be illegible. Tonight I had a very long dream, but I will write it down. It started with me walking through what looked like a paddock, and approaching a stone wall where a girl was sitting. She was pretty, with a red bow in her hair and a white dress on. I followed her to a cliff, and she grabbed my hand. She laughed, and leapt off the cliff. We fell and fell for what seemed like hours, until finally we landed on something very hard and pointy. I saw that it was broken glass, and I had huge pieces stuck into me. Blood was pouring down my body and I was in agony; writhing on the broken glass floor. Suddenly, I found myself standing, and the walls were covered in pictures of my family and friends. The pictures suddenly started burning, and soon they were just a pile of ash. The girl was still holding my hand, and her grip was so tight I cried out in pain. I looked at her, and her eyes were black and bleeding just like mine were in the other dream. There was a huge black hole where her mouth should have been, and her grip on my hand was so tight my arm began to turn purple. I tried to scream once more, but I could not force any sound out of my mouth. I gasped frantically for air, and a huge hole appeared in the floor. I was teetering on the edge, about to fall when I woke up. I woke up sitting in my open window, three storeys above the ground, ready to jump and feeling like a truck had parked on my chest. Mum came running and shook me awake. She says I have to go to sleep therapy.
01/11 12:00AM
They took me to the hospital, and hooked me up in the sleep therapy room. Basically, I have to try to sleep with wires stuck all over me, and doctors watching from behind the glass. As if it wasn’t hard enough, the idiot who organized the hospital put the sleep therapy centre right next to the mental ward. How do they expect me to get any sleep, what with that lunatic screaming about blood down the hall?
I just woke up, covered in sweat and gasping for air. I had another nightmare…I barely remember it, even now, but I recall seeing my family dying before my eyes. These terrors have been haunting me for the past year or so, and I get little sleep. They are really horrible…they always involve myself or people I love dying. In fact, I think it’s time I told my parents about them. They will make a big deal out of it.
24/10 3:15AM
I had another nightmare. I’m still shaking, I remember it vividly. I dreamt that I was sitting in my bedroom, I looked up, and saw myself sitting on the floor with a knife in my hand, stabbing a dove. I drew closer, and I looked up from the dove, and my eyes were black, with blood pouring from them. My dream-self started screaming and I woke up, sitting on my bedroom floor and choking for air. It was one of the worst terrors I’ve had, so I told mum and dad. I think they’re too pissed off that I woke them up to care, so I will tell them everything in the morning. I hope there’s something that can be done about my nightmares.
25/10 12:30PM
Mum and dad told me to record what happens in my nightmares, so I showed them this journal. They gave me odd looks. I suppose they aren’t going to do anything to help me here, not until I tell them that I sleepwalk. Oh well. I’m sure nightmares don’t mean anything. They’re just unwanted thoughts, right?
27/10 1:03AM
A few minutes ago, I was standing in the middle of the road in my PJ’s, screaming my head off. I’ve never sleepwalked out of the house before. My mum ran out after me and brought me inside; she looked really worried. I told her about my dream; I was running around my house being chased by a big snake that had eaten my family. It was one of those dreams where your legs are heavy and you cant run. I hate those dreams. Mum is talking with ad now, and they sound really worried. I don’t want to have to see a psych.
28/10 4:50AM
I am amazed at how much sleep I got tonight. This time I had a falling dream; its nothing compared to other ones I have had. Its really not important, but I will write down what happened because mum and dad will want to know. I basically dreamt that I was driving this really crappy beat up car, and I drove it right up the side of a huge building. I reached the top and just as I did a huge murder of crows engulfed my car, and I lost control. When the birds finally flew away I saw that I was falling, and I woke up just as I fell from my bed onto the floor. The dream wasn’t as bad as many, but I am shaking.
29/10 2:45AM
Mum and dad are in the kitchen now, talking. I can barely write, I am shaking so badly: my writing must be illegible. Tonight I had a very long dream, but I will write it down. It started with me walking through what looked like a paddock, and approaching a stone wall where a girl was sitting. She was pretty, with a red bow in her hair and a white dress on. I followed her to a cliff, and she grabbed my hand. She laughed, and leapt off the cliff. We fell and fell for what seemed like hours, until finally we landed on something very hard and pointy. I saw that it was broken glass, and I had huge pieces stuck into me. Blood was pouring down my body and I was in agony; writhing on the broken glass floor. Suddenly, I found myself standing, and the walls were covered in pictures of my family and friends. The pictures suddenly started burning, and soon they were just a pile of ash. The girl was still holding my hand, and her grip was so tight I cried out in pain. I looked at her, and her eyes were black and bleeding just like mine were in the other dream. There was a huge black hole where her mouth should have been, and her grip on my hand was so tight my arm began to turn purple. I tried to scream once more, but I could not force any sound out of my mouth. I gasped frantically for air, and a huge hole appeared in the floor. I was teetering on the edge, about to fall when I woke up. I woke up sitting in my open window, three storeys above the ground, ready to jump and feeling like a truck had parked on my chest. Mum came running and shook me awake. She says I have to go to sleep therapy.
01/11 12:00AM
They took me to the hospital, and hooked me up in the sleep therapy room. Basically, I have to try to sleep with wires stuck all over me, and doctors watching from behind the glass. As if it wasn’t hard enough, the idiot who organized the hospital put the sleep therapy centre right next to the mental ward. How do they expect me to get any sleep, what with that lunatic screaming about blood down the hall?