The Beast and The Harlot = ?

I cringed as their yells filled my ears.

"I know you guys want to tell them and I do too, but I can't. We all know how they will react and I know they would be hurt by all of this. They just got their best friend back, I'm not taking that away from them." I said.

They were silent for a minute.

"Ok, I won't tell Johnny." Jaden said.

I smiled at her and she smiled back.

They all agreed and I slid down with a smile.

"Cee, can I asked you a question?" Val said quietly.

"Of course you can." I said.

"Who was it that Brian cheated on you with?" She asked.

I chocked on my breath.

That was the last question I wanted to answer.

Especially to Val.

"Val, I don't really---," I tried.

"It was Michelle, wasn't it?" She asked quietly, looking me in the eye.

I didn't say anything.

She took my silence as confirmation and I watched her eyes fill with tears.

"Val!" I exclaimed.

She threw herself at me and gripped me tightly.

"I am so, so sorry, Cynthia." She cried.

I rubbed her back and tried to soothe her.

"It's ok, honey. You didn't so anything wrong." I told her.

"No! It sure as hell is not ok, Cynthia. It will never be ok." She said angrily.

I looked down at her and tears were flowing down her face.

I didn't know what to do or say so I held her.

I looked around the room at all of the shocked expression on my best friends faces.

I got to Nique and I regretted Val ever bringing up the subject.

Her eyes were blazed with fury.

I shuddered back, scared of the look in her eye.

I turned my gaze back to Val as she sniffled and stopped crying.

It got insanely quiet and we all just sat looking at each other.

"So what are we going to do for the rest of our vacation?" Katara asked, trying to change the subject.

"Get fuckin' wasted." I said quickly.

"Well what the hell are we waiting for?" Nique yelled.

I laughed and looked over at her and she still had that look in her eyes.

We all stood up and changed into our bathing suits.

I winced everytime my knuckles rubbed up against something.

They were still cut and they bled alot too.

We walked down to the pool and lounged around, talking.

I heard my phone start to ring and I picked it up, answering without looking at the caller i.d.

"Hey, what's up?" I said happily.

"Cynthia." I heard Brian say.

I couldn't speak for a moment.

"Yes Brian?" I asked with no emotion.

The girls heard me and came to sit around me.

"I, um, how are you?" He asked.

I laughed at that.

"I'm great, how are you?" I asked, smiling.

"I feel like shit." He said slowly.

"Well that sucks. Is there any particular reason you called?" I asked.

It was silent.

"I just wanted to call and see how you were doing and to ask when you're coming home." He whispered.

"Well, we're gonna finish up our little shindig here. Probably a few days." I said.

"Look, Cynthia, we have to talk about this." Brian said urgently.

"There's nothing to talk about, Syn. When you're horny, you're horny. Only one was to solve that problem." I said, still with no emotion in my voice.

The girls looked at me with wide eyes and Val looked down.

I grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Cynthia, that's not what ha---," He said.

"Yeah, well I have to go. Talk to you later." I said hanging up.

I looked up at the girls and they were still staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"What the hell was that?" Monique asked.

"Just talking to Mr. Gates." I said nonchalantly.

"Cynthia, what are you doing?" Alaina asked.

"Absolutely nothing." I said.

"Yes I can see that. Why?" She asked.

"Cause I don't know where to go from here." I said quietly.

"Honey, you can't act like it never happened." Jaden said.

"Why not? He did." I said.

They didn't say anything.

"I'm not going to do anything. I'm going to act like everything's fine and that I'm happy." I said.

"Cynthia. That makes no sense! Why are you gonna do that?" Katara practically yelled at me.

"Cause he wants me to punish him. He thinks things are going to go back to normal after that. So I'm not going to do anything."I said, looking straight ahead.

"How is that going to help?"Val asked, obviously confused.

"It'll make him suffer. That's the least he can do after all that he's put me through." I said.

As I heard myself speak, I realized that I'm not the same person I was a few days ago.

I don't know who I am anymore.