Listen to My Heart

I sat propped up against the white wall in Tony's room at the hockey house, staring across the room at the hockey clock that ticked off the minutes like they were hours. The annoying click was starting to give me a headache and after two hours of listening to it, I was begging for some sort of social interaction. I never knew the hockey house could be so quiet, but with most of the boys still at home, the house was finally silent.

I sighed loudly and turned my gaze out the window, watching as the snow began to fall to the ground lightly. It dusted the already white and frozen ground, adding on to the inches that fell a couple days before Christmas. I always thought snow after Christmas was useless. It covered the ground like a depressing cloud and just ended up turning brown, black, or yellow, depending on what substance mixed with it. It was ugly unless it was pure white and was hanging from the branches just after a light snow. That was how I thought of myself in Tony's eyes. He didn't care for me unless I was dressed to impress. Otherwise I faded into the background like everyone else.

I heard the front door open downstairs before loud footsteps clanked up the stairs. I fixated my gaze on the door, hoping that Tony was going to come through it. When his brown head appeared, I felt a grin tugging at the corners of my mouth. His green eyes flicked to his bed just as he grasped his car keys in his hand.

"Brianna!" He exclaimed, throwing his keys back on the TV stand. "Have you been here the whole time?" He asked, closing his eyes to sigh in relief. He walked over to the end of the bed, setting a hand on the mattress to stead himself as he kicked off his Nike's.

"Yes." I told him, watching him with light eyes as he shrugged off his sweatshirt.

"I have been looking everywhere for you." He whined to me, pulling himself onto the bed and crawling up slowly. I watched him, trying to tug my mind out of the gutter as I felt like he was sauntering up the bed to capture my lips in his. I bit my lip as I tore myself out of the feel of his lips on mine at Christmas. "I went to your house, I tracked Kara down on campus, I walked around Dinkytown for twenty minutes, and I called you about twenty times, so all those missed calls are from me." He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, pulling me to rest against his shoulder as his hand combed through the side of my hair, spreading the strands out along my back. "I was about to head up to Plymouth to check there." He mumbled against the top of my head before he dropped a kiss against my hair.

"Why?" I whispered to him, listening to the stead beat of his heart and finding comfort in it. My tears were drying within my eyes and I was beginning to forget about everything except Tony and I.

"Because I wanted to make sure that you're okay." He told me, his hand drawing circles into my shoulder. I just nodded and tried to ignore the stinging of the tears. The worst way to cry was without knowing the definite reason. I wasn't sure if I was crying because I was still upset and angry about what happened this morning, or if I was crying because I was so relieved and happy that Tony cared enough to run around campus looking for me.

Silence consumed us as Tony continued to run his hands over my back and my shoulders, holding me to his chest. I shut my brain off as best as I could, refusing to analyze all the ways that he was touching me and what that meant. I just wanted to enjoy the feel of being pressed against him. I didn't want to ruin or waste this moment with another one of my overanalyzing sessions. I just wanted to be with him, be wrapped in his warmth and not have to worry about the world that was going on outside of his bedroom.

"I'm sorry this happened to you, Bri." Tony spoke very softly, whispering sweetly into my ear as I closed my eyes, getting lost in the sound of his voice and the soft brush of his lips against my ear. "I wish things wouldn't have ended like that."

"Can we just not talk about it, please?" I answered, hoping that my voice wouldn't crack to reveal the new tears that were swimming in my eyes. Tony's sympathy just made everything resurface. I hated when people felt sorry for me and when I felt sorry for myself. I didn't want sympathy, right now I wanted revenge, and the fact that I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself was pathetic and it pissed me off. But there was nothing that would pull me from Tony's arms. For as long as he wanted to hold me, I would lay here with him.

"Whatever you want. We can just lay here and forget everything."

He kissed my forehead softly as I tilted my face so that my forehead rested against the pulse in his neck. I closed my eyes, relaxing into the touch of his fingers and the soft, steady breathing beneath my body. Everything about him felt perfect, and with that realization, I felt myself slowly becoming okay with the fact that I loved him. At the moment, it didn't matter that he probably didn't feel the same, or that I had been in love with him for six years. All that matter was that he was holding me, and I was holding him. Our arms were wrapped around each other and he was soothing me the only way he knew how- without words, only with touch. I couldn't get enough of the feeling of his hands sliding around my lower back. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that there was something different about his touch. It was a little stronger, a little more possessive, and a little less like a friendship kind of sensation.

A half hour went by and two of his teammates came home, and then left again, making noise before retreating and letting the silence descend again. We didn't move our positions, just laying vertically and contently with each other. Neither of us reached for the phone that was vibrating on the nightstand because we had all we needed right here with the two of us. I was just beginning to slip asleep when Tony's soft voice in my ear startled me awake.

"I ended things with Leah." He mused, lips brushing against my ear almost teasingly. I felt the trail of shivers beginning to run from the base of my skull all the way down to my toes. My skin and body was on fire just from his lips brushing against my ear.

"Are you okay?" I asked him, tilting my face so I could see his eyes when he answered me.

"I'm fine." He told me, brushing a few strands of my hair off of my forehead.

"I'm sorry." I murmured to him, running one of my hands along his jaw before letting it rest against the other side of his neck.

"I'm not. Everything happens for a reason." He murmured quietly.

"Then I guess you won't be upset if I say this. I'm glad you aren't together because you didn't deserve the shit she did to you. And I never thought you two looked that great together to begin with."

"Let it all out." Tony chuckled, gesturing with his hand for me to continue. I giggled at him, rolling over so I was laying on my back, looking up at the ceiling.

"I just never thought you could love her the right way." I murmured to him. He reached in between us and grabbed my hand, lacing our fingers together before resting the back of it against his chest He blew out a sigh, causing my hand to deflate with his chest.

"I don't know why I wasted my time, or why I didn't listen to you." He breathed out to me, turning to look at me. One look into his green eyes and I couldn't look away. There was something there, something I wanted to wrap my hands around and pull out of his eyes and hold close to my heart. I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew I wanted him to look at me like that every single day.

"You wanted to believe that she was what was right for you." I whispered, my voice feather light.

"She isn't right for me, and Mike isn't right for you."

"We'll find what is right someday." I told him, watching his face carefully as he let a small smile grace his plump lips.

"Someday." He repeated back to me before dipping my head to rest under his chin. We fell a sleep a few minutes later, curled up tightly, and taking in breaths like we were in sync with each other.

For the first time in a long time, everything just felt right in the world.
***

I tapped my foot to the Minnesota Rouser as Joyce Lucia read a magazine in the seat next to me. Tony's two sisters, Jessica and Ali, talked amongst themselves while Tony's little brother, Mario, sat next to me texting away on his Blackberry. The boys were gearing up for the Mariucci classic, something the Gophers held every year as a way to get back into hockey after a two week break. Tony was looking refreshed and jittery as he skated around on the ice. I could tell today was going to be a big game for him.

I was right with my assessment because 45 seconds into the first period, Tony notched his first goal of the game. I stood with his family, fitting right in as we all cheered loudly and happily. I couldn't stop my eyes from roaming down the row, smiling at the way I fit in. I wore Tony's maroon Jersey, his last name proudly displayed on his back while Mario wore a gold jersey of the same style. I looked like Tony's girlfriend, sitting and cheering with his family like this was my place in the world. I slid back down in my seat, sighing quietly as I scanned the bench for my favorite player.

He was sitting in front of his dad, joking with Joey and Jay Barriball. His eyes twinkled as he squirted a shot of water into his mouth. He leaned forward, resting his hands against the boards to yell at a teammate in encouragement. I smiled, feeling warmth from his obvious happiness. I always wanted him to be happy. I craved for his smile and the sound of his laugh. But I wanted to be the reason he was doing those things. I wanted to be the only girl that made his eyes shine like that.

"Tony told me him and Leah broke up." Joyce told me after he first period, raising an eyebrow at me. I shrugged my shoulders before briefly meeting her gaze.

"Yeah. I guess things just weren't working out." I offered up, watching as the zamboni slid across the ice, repairing it for the next period.

"I wonder why.." She railed off. I squirmed next to her.

"I'm not an expert and we haven't really talked about it, but I would know if there was someone else." I assured her, fiddling with the locket around my neck. My fingers stilled when her blue eyes locked at the pendent that her son had given me just a few days before.

"You're the only one he gave something so nice and expensive to." She murmured, picking it up and looking it over closely.

"I think six years is long enough to deserve jewelry." I chuckled nervously.

"Honey, if I've learned one thing in my life, it is that men only spend a decent amount of money on a women they care about." She insisted, crossing her legs and leaning in close. "Do me a favor, tell Tony how you feel before it is too late again. This opportunity is too great for you to miss out. I love you both and I want you to be happy." She patted my thigh lightly as the Gophers stormed the ice again.

I tried not to roll my eyes at Tony's mom, trying to listen and consider her take on things, but only because I respected her. I knew the real reason why Tony and Leah broke up, even if her son decided not to share that bit with her. Leah cheated and Tony deserver better; it was as simple as that. Despite her insinuations and the way Tony was acting, he didn't end things with Leah because he was madly in love with me, and he didn't end things to be with me either. Even though Joyce seemed to know how Tony felt, I knew better by now than to get my hopes up. There was nothing I couldn't handle more right now than being disappointed by Tony again.

I lost myself in the game as the Gophers stomped all over UMass, making them look like a high school team. At the start of the third, the Gophers were ahead 5 to 1. They rushed out, eager to keep tallying on until the score was 7 to 1. Tony got his second goal and the eighth of the game with 2 minutes left, making the fans hollar in appreciation. I watched the stick salute and the hoisting of the trophy with pride. Tony was the last one off the ice as usual and I felt a certain warmth lodge in my heart when he made sure to tap fists with each one of the kids hanging over the railing.

I made my way downstairs with the Lucia family, smiling at the other girlfriends who waited patiently. Tony didn't make us wait long. He appeared out of the maroon doors not fifteen minutes later. He was dressed in a black suit with a crisp white shirt underneath along with a red and blue striped tie, making him look slightly like a president. He grinned at the sight of his family, minus his dad and plus me.

"Good game, honey." His mom smiled proudly, softly rubbing his back after he wrapped an arm around her.

"Thank you, mom." He smiled at her, kissing her cheek before hugging each one of his siblings along with giving Mario's head a firm rub. When it was my turn, he let out a soft sigh and a smile before gathering me into his arms. "Hey you." He spoke quietly, like even though his family was surrounding us, I was the only one he saw.

"Hey stud, great game." I told him, pulling away from his chest but staying within his embrace.

"Thank you." He gave me a squeeze, his smile still shining on his face, before he turned to everyone. "I am starving. I need to eat." He rubbed his tummy for effect as his his mom laughed.

"I guess it would be the motherly thing to feed my children." She chuckled as Don came up behind her and softly kissed her cheek.

It was still weird for me to watch Don and Tony interact outside of the rink. It was like they weren't coach and player anymore. They were just father and son as if they flipped a switch when they walked out of the locker room. I wondered on the way to dinner how they were able to differentiate their roles based on their surroundings. I was quiet for most of the way to Stub and Herbs, lost in thought as Tony chatted aimlessly with his family. I loved to watch him interact with them. He was so polite and respectful, and just my Tony. I always wanted him to act like this because I loved him the most when he wasn't trying to me someone else's boyfriend or a Gopher hockey player. He was perfect when he was just being my best friend.

Dinner passed with talk of anything besides hockey. We chatted about school, life, friends, as we ate our burgers and fries. I felt so normal and natural to be with the Lucias. It felt normal for Tony to have his hand on my knee, is thumb steadily brushing over my leg. It felt right for him to lean over and whisper softly into my ear. Even the look of I told you so from Joyce felt like it belonged. Maybe I was just left on the high of Tony's breath tingling against my neck, but I was definitely in high spirits when Tony and I left the restaurant to head home.

"That was a lot of fun. Sometimes I forget how funny Don can be when he isn't being so serious." I chuckled as Tony and I walked arm in arm towards my house.

"I tend to forget the same thing when he's screaming at me across the ice." Tony insisted, burrowing his chin into his nice jacket as the wind picked up a bit.

"He does it because he loves you, and he wants you to work at your full potential." I insisted, looking up as he nodded. "You knew this was how it would be when you signed to play here." I reminded him.

"I'm not complaining." Tony mumbled, "just stating facts. You know I wouldn't trade this for anything."

"I do know that." I murmured softly.

"Speaking of Don, he figured out about my relationship with a certain cheerleader. Well, I guess I should say he put the pieces together."

"Uh oh." I whispered, looking up to study his expression. He didn't look mad or upset, just indifferent.

"Yeah, he made it very clear to me how he felt about the situation after practice on Monday."

"I'm sorry."

"I knew the consequences going in. I'm not a coward, and I need to take responsibility for breaking the rules. But to be honest, he wasn't too hard on me after I told him we were done."

"I guess Dont has a heart." I chuckled as I tugged on the Minnesota hockey landyer that had my keys attached to it. We trudged up the steps slowly, careful of the snow that made the wood porch slick.

"So you're coming tomorrow, right?" He asked me after he enloped me in his arms.

"Depends on what is going on tomorrow." I murmured, resting my chin on his chest and tilting it upwards.

"New Year's Eve party hosted by your favorite hockey team."

"No way! The Sioux are in town!?" I asked, faking enthusiasm.

"Hell no." He stated, eyes narrowing immediately. "That isn't even funny."

"I thought it was." I chuckled, sticking my tongue out.

"You wouldn't do that to me." He smiled knowingly. " I know how you feel about green." I chuckled quietly burrowing my nose into his chest. When I tilted my face back up with a sly smile, he kissed my forehead softly but with a firm pressure that made me melt slightly into his chest a little more. We both sighed quietly as he pulled away, a cloud of white fog covering our faces for a moment.

It was silent as we both looked into each others green eyes. Tony's eyes looked a little dazed and his breath was a little harsh as my body tingled in anticipation. My mind was racing, wondering if this was the moment. If I just gave him a little push if he would just come out and say what the hell was with this undeniable energy that had been flowing through us for the past couple months. Even when he was with Leah, I felt the pull of some sort of force, tugging me to Tony even when I wanted to run from him.

"So, you'll be there right?" Tony asked, clearing his throat and breaking eye contact with me. I didn't take my eyes off his face, but I let out a slightly defeated sigh before nodding.

"Yeah, for sure."

"Make sure to put on something presentable. If you show up in sweats I'm not going to be happy."

"Why would you care what I wear?" I asked him, narrowing my eyes as I shoved my key into the lock, flipping the dead bolt before pushing the large wood door open.

"Because you're my date." He winked at me as he grinned. He gave my hand one last squeeze as I blinked rapidly.

"I don't remember saying yes." I teased him with a sarcastic smile watching as he twirled around to look at me after his feet had hit the sidewalk.

"You didn't have to say anything. I already know the answer."
***

My hips swayed as I made my way up the walk way to the hockey house, my peep toe sling backs pounding the pavement as I went. My pink, strapless dress, complete with a small ribbon and bow beneath my breasts, swished around just above my knee. I felt so beautiful almost to the point where I wondered if I was out of my own skin. My dress was sexy, but modest, and it hugged my curves and hid the places I was self-conscious about. The dress had been practically made for me when I slipped it on in the dressing room when Kara and I went shopping at Mall Of America. It had called to me from the rack and I couldn't resist the temptation of what Tony would do when he saw me.

I grasped the brass handle of the door, shoving it open and walking into the living room that was filled with people, but in a much more modest way than I had seen it. Kara was seated at the couch with Joey, wiping at his mouth with a napkin while they both laughed and grinned at each other. I smiled softly to myself before I moved my way in, looking for Tony. I wasn't surprised to see him within the kitchen, chatting casually with David Fischer. He was in the middle of speaking when he glanced at me, pausing before a large smile took over his face.

"Hey!" He exclaimed once I reached him. I gave David a smile as he politely stepped out of the conversation, heading towards the living room. Tony and I were in our own little corner within the kitchen as others were packed into the middle of the small room.

"Hey. Don't you look dapper." I teased, giving his black sweater a tug. He wore a blue and white striped dress shirt underneath, the collar flipping out about his neck.

"I clean up nice." He boasted, tugging at the white collar as if he was some stud. I rolled my eyes and gave his chest a light slap. "I can't say that about you though." He murmured, looking me up and down, his eyes only seeing my curled hair, pretty face, and the edge of my dress because of my black peacoat. "Take it off." He growled playfully at me, winking as he said it. I looked into his sparkling green eyes, wondering if he knew what this was doing to me. How his joking words were making a white hot heat dance straight down between my legs.

I began to work the buttons of my pea coat open to expose my strapless dress, shrugging it off and twirling slowly so that he could get a full look. I tried not to read too much into the look of his glazed eyes, but I couldn't resist the thought that maybe he really liked what he saw. He reached out for me, setting his hands against my hips and gently bunching the fabric before releasing it.

"You look beautiful." He murmured quietly, his voice soft and intimate.

"Thank you." I blushed, the red tinting my cheeks modestly. "I didn't want to disappoint." I told him, a little more truth than he probably understood.

"You definitely didn't. I've got the best date in this place." He grinned, his lips pulling to reveal his white teeth, making me smile back.

"Right." I murmured back to him, licking my lips before chomping softly on my bottom lip. "I hope you don't mind if I go talk to Joey and Kara for a few minutes." I told him, feeling my nerves getting the best of me.

For some reason, I felt weird about tonight. Maybe it was the thrill of the new year, or maybe it was just the way Tony had been acting lately. The way he was always touching me, always fusing about me. But whatever if was, for some reason, I couldn't shake this reeling. It was an excitement yet nervousness I hadn't felt in awhile. It was a hopeful excitement, one that I felt would give me the outcome that I wanted. Maybe this was the day where everything fell into place for Tony and I. I just needed to be optimistic and let whatever was meant to be, happen. I needed to trust myself and my instincts.

"Not at all." Tony gestured towards the living room. "I'll hang your coat on the railing for you." He reached for it, his fingers brushing against my arm and making goosebumps form on my skin. I turned away once he held the jacket, making my way from the room to join Joey and Kara on the couch where I first saw them.

"Hey pretty lady. You look great." Kara greeted me once I huffed and sat down next to her. "Why is your face flushed? Making out with Lucia in the kitchen?" She teased lightly as I threw her a glare.

"I'm really hot." I insisted, which was true, but I wasn't going to tell her why I was hot, or who made me hot. Then again, she already knew.

"Because you were making out with Lucia?" She questioned again, leaning in close and studying my face. "No, your lips aren't swollen. Damn girl, you better get some action tonight. It is the perfect time to take advantage of your Italian stallion." She giggled as Joey nuzzled his nose into her neck. "Joey, behave."

"I can't." He whined, "you're killing me in that dress." He turned her face away from me and pressed their lips together. I felt weird so I turned away, scanning the crowd and noticing that Mike was standing next to Leah.

I wondered if I was supposed to feel something, but as I watched, I couldn't feel anything. I was completely indifferent as I watched him whisper into her ear, making her cheeks flare. I could see that he was happy, and that was what I wanted from him. I just wish Leah didn't have to go through Tony before she found the person she wanted to be with. She stole that time from me, and that still made my temper flare.

"I can't believe he had the nerve to bring her here." Kara scoffed, rolling her eyes and taking a sip from her cup.

"I don't think anyone cares." Joey told her.

"Still. She's a skank." Kara insisted, wrinkling her nose as I crossed my legs, twirling my foot around in a circle as I scanned the rest of the party.

I saw Jess standing next to Jordan Schroeder, the two of them lost in one another as everything happened around them. He leaned in close to whisper in her ear and her cheeks flushed at whatever he said. I snickered and moved on, glancing at the hockey boys who stood clustered together, Tony next to David Fischer as they laughed and drank. Tony's eyes met mine and I gave him a smile. I could practically feel the love radiating out of my body, reaching for him, begging for him to accept it. I won't deny the way my heart soared when he excused himself from the conversation and headed my way.

"Miller, what the hell is on your face?" He asked once he reached the couch, squinting his green eyes at his best friend. Joey patted at his face, finding the ranch dressing that had smeared across his face.

"Joey, could you try to get it in your mouth instead of on your face?" Kara asked, chuckling at her boyfriend and wiping at his face with a new napkin. I shook my head as we all looked down at his sweater which had a few beads of the white dressing dripping down.

"Damn. I have to change." He muttered thoughtfully before his eyes widened. "And you need to come with me." He grinned at Kara, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her up.

"You're on crack if you think I'm having sex with all these people here." She hissed as they walked away, Joey's hand sneaking down to grip her backside in his hand. "Joey!" She squealed as they pushed through the crowd towards the stairs.

"There is something wrong with them." Tony insisted as he sunk into the couch cushion next to me, taking a sip of his beer. He offered the bottle to me. I shrugged and grabbed it, taking a quick sip before wrinkling my nose. "You don't like it?"

"No." I frowned, watching as he took another long pull.

"You look cute like that." He laughed, tapping my nose that had wrinkled while I watched him. "Although it does kind of remind me of when you're mad at me."

"I'm never mad at you."

"Lies! You've been mad at me this whole year I feel like." He huffed out, wrapping an arm around the back of my shoulders and pulling me into his side.

"You brought that on yourself. You were being an idiot, and you're stubborn, so you lashed out." I shrugged, resting my head lightly against his shoulder.

"Touche." He sighed just as Ryan Flynn came over.

"Hey Bri, I hope you don't mind if I steal your muscle man for a second." He winked at me, a sick smirk twisting his lips. I giggled and shook my head no as he turned to Tony. "Some guys are trying to get into it with our baby freshies. We need our favorite bouncer." Flynn clasped Tony's shoulder tightly as his green eyes glowered at the blonde.

"You're three inches taller than me, and you can't fucking handle it?"

"I can't growl like you, Looch." Flynn laughed as Tony stood, murmuring to me that he would be right back.

I watched him push through the crowd with a force that told me he was irritated that he needed to be the house warden. He definitely didn't want to leave his spot next to me on the couch. A small grin tugged my lips apart as I nibbled modestly on my finger nail, my lips smirking as I watched the sway of his hips before he disappeared into the kitchen.

"You look like you're up to no good." A voice murmured as they plopped down next to me on the couch. My feet paused from bouncing and I slowly turned my head, coming face to face with Mike Hoeffel. "Hi." He murmured shyly, his cheeks flushing red as I gave him a weird look.

"Are you drunk?" I questioned, my mouth screwing into a weird line. "Tony is going to slit your throat if he sees you by me." I informed him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know, but I just wanted to have a moment to talk to you, and everytime I've tried to get close to you, Looch comes out like a killer dog. I owe you an apology. What I did was wrong and selfish, and it put you in a really crappy position." Mike murmured quietly, his knees and body turned to me. I studied his face carefully, seeing the sincerity in his eyes and face.

"I accept your apology Mike." I told him, patting his knee softly as I turned towards him to be more engaging. "Thank you for trying to do that even though Tony made it difficult for you. He's just doing his job."

"I understand.. If I was in his position, I would too." Mike nodded, his eyes cast permanently downward when he spoke to me.

"It's okay-"

"What the fuck?" Tony barked over the loud party once he laid his green eyes on Hoef. Both Mike and I flicked our eyes up to the menacing Italian. I could hear Mike gulp down his spit as he stood quickly, blubbering out as Tony glared at him. "What don't you understand about staying away from her?" He hissed to Mike.

"Ton." I cautioned to him. I watched as he glanced to me, his green eyes softening when they met mine. "He was apologizing. He's doing the right thing." I murmured to him, setting a hand against his bicep. I felt the tension leave his body as Mike took this opportunity to escape, murmuring one last I'm sorry before he shot himself clear across the room. "You don't need to protect me from him, Ton." I insisted quietly as he wrapped me tightly against him, resting our foreheads together as we swayed slightly.

"Yes I do. Out of all the people I need to protect you from, he is at the top of the list." He shook his head slightly.

"Not really, but if you insist, try not to be so mean. He is your teammate still."

"Whatever. He's gone now. Dance with me." He demanded, making us move side to side to Drop It Low.

"This isn't exactly the type of song you slow dance to, Lucia." I chuckled as he rocked us slowly and intimately.

"We'll do it anyway." He whispered into my ear, lips brushing intimately against my skin. I touched my cheek gently against his jaw as we slowly moved to a beat that we both seemed to know even though we couldn't hear it. The music cut off causing Tony and I to pull away, looking around to where Brian Schack had flicked the steroeo off.

"Countdown in 10!" He yelled causing the room to cheer and begin to scream the countdown out drunkenly.

My heartbeat spiked as Tony and I nervously glanced at one another. I bit my lip harshly, looking around at all the people who were scrambling to find someone to seal their lips with. I felt my breathing begin to speed up as Tony didn't make a move to step away from me or to find someone else to celebrate the New Year with. I thought back to high school and how he had always found some other girl to celebrate with, only giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before he moved on to a different girl. I looked into his green eyes, already knowing that there was a reason things were going the way they were. This was supposed to happen; we were supposed to be here, right now, for this moment.

And when the countdown hit one, I slipped up to the tops of my toes, grabbing the back of Tony's neck and pulling his lips to mine. The electricity almost knocked me straight backwards as our lips touched and fused tightly together. Several other people were kissing the same exact way we were, but no one felt the fire that we were feeling. Tony's arms tightened around my waist as I flushed up right against him, using the leverage of my heels to my advantage to keep our lips sealed together. The loud cheering of the rest of the party snapped me back into reality, causing me to slowly pull my lips away from his.

Our faces were only a breath apart as I started into his wild green eyes, my heart pounding painfully in my chest. And then it happened.

"I love you," tumbled from my lips before I could even stop the three words from spilling like a glass of juice.

My eyes searched his, trying to find something- I wasn't sure what- anything that would let me know that Tony could feel the passion pulsating through out his body, that he could feel the love that was causing his heart to burst open at the seams. My heart seemed to shatter as I realized I didn't see anything that I felt in his eyes. The green orbs were masked by a blankness that made my whole body ache. The realization was like a cold bucket of water being thrown on me. How could I have been so stupid?

With my mouth tightly closed at the corners, lowered myself back onto the heels of my sling backs, pulling my top lip into my mouth. I knew he could see the tears rapidly forming because his eyes sort of dimmed and then got gooey with sympathy. He opened his mouth, pushing out a fast breath as his arms fell from around my waist.

"I.." He started to say, opening and closing him mouth a few times. I held up a hand, refusing to let the tears drop. I could see the people around us watching, waiting for something to happen, and I would try my hardest not to let anyone see my cry. I needed to keep the last bit of dignity I had left.

"No. My bad." I insisted to him, closing my eyes for a moment and twirling around, my pink dress swishing against my knees and brushing against Tony's legs. My heart barely beat as I pushed through the throng of people, some of the gawkers while others were too drunk to notice what was going on.

I reached the stairs where I grabbed onto my jacket, thrusting my arms into it as Kara and Joey appeared by my side. Joey looked over my shoulder, his blue eyes wide as he watched something behind me. Kara was gripping my wrist painfully tight.

"Brianna, stop!" Kara exclaimed when I twisted out of her grip, running down the stairs as carefully and quickly as I could in my heels. "Brianna!" She yelled once more before I slammed the door on her voice.

The quiet, cold night was all that greeted me as I rushed down the block, eager to get into the safety and warmth of my car. As I walked, the biting, North wind sparked the flow of tears, making my mascara trail down with it. The heartache I felt couldn't be expressed by words, only by a facial expression and the way I clutched my hands to my chest- just to check if my heart was still beating. I ruined everything, but the thing that hurt the most was that I threw myself into his arms, into his hands, and he dropped me even as I wore my heart on my sleeve. No one could blame me for trying, but they could blame me for being naive to think that Tony loved me the way I loved him.

But the one thing that made me feel the dumbest was that I was foolish enough to think that with Leah gone, Tony would change.