Listen to My Heart

I knocked softly on the door of Tony's room, listening for the sounds of him moving around and hoping he wasn't already asleep. It was the night before the team was supposed to head up to Duluth for an in-conference and in-state match up with the Bulldogs. It would be the first time Tony and I had been apart since finally getting together a few weeks ago.

Tony and I had been official for two weeks now, and yes, it was a little weird to call him my boyfriend after dreaming about it for years. It was different, yet exciting, for me to look down on the ice, knowing that he was mine, that he finally belonged to me. The soft and sweet kisses we occasionally shared sent my pulse up into the clouds as I tried to keep ahold of reality when his lips swiped across mine. It was different to be able to hold hands with him on campus and trail behind him at parties because he wanted me there (he didn't need me to go away so he could pick up some other girl.). Overall, I would pick being Tony's girlfriend over his best friend, ten out of ten times.

The door in front of me swung open as Tony stared out at me from behind the frames of his glasses. His sour expression turned happy upon seeing me as he grasped my wrist and pulled me into the room and into his body. He wrapped me into a hug, giving me a tight squeeze for a few seconds before he pulled away, grinning down at me.

"This is a nice surprise. It is so nice of you to help me pack." He grinned wildly at me. I rolled my eyes as I pushed off from his chest, wandering over to his bed and plopping down on it.

"Is it because I'm a woman?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow, crossing my legs and my arms.

"No, its because you're my woman." He insisted, grabbing a few clothing items off his floor and throwing them into his laundry hamper. A tingle traveled up my spine, making my body do a little shake when he turned his back on me. I loved being his woman. "Which means you know what looks good on me." He sighed, stopping in front of his closet, hands on his hips, eyes locked on the rows of shirts, sweatshirts, jeans, and game day necessities that hung in front of him. I took the opportunity to let my gaze roll down his body, starting at the back of his head.

His brown locks were mused gently from the knit hat he had stuffed over his hair, and for the several times he ran his fingers through the locks. I bit my lip as I looked at his broad, large shoulders, being able to feel the tingling in my fingers as I mentally ran my hands over them. His back muscles flexed as he reached, his shirt riding up to expose a small strip of skin. I chomped harder on my flesh as I saw the band of his Polo underwear, the blue elastic making my heart beat skyrocket.

"Brianna." Tony called to me, looking over his shoulder at me, eyebrow cocked expectantly causing my cheeks to flush red knowing I had been caught.

"Yeah?" I asked, giving my head a slight shake as I dug my nails into my palms to ignore the awkward feeling that was rolling around in my stomach. Tony let out a little chuckle that eased the weird burning in my stomach, making me relax as I smiled, trying not to act so weird.

"Help me pick out a shirt for this." He insisted, showing me his charcoal grey suit. I nodded and stood up, crossing the room to stand next to him. I danced my eyes along the several dress shirts he had hanging up, along with the hanger of about twenty ties that he had next to them. I contemplated lightly as my teeth nibbled on my lip before I made my decision.

"That one," I pointed to a navy blue shirt. "And that tie." I insisted, finding a stripped silver and white tie.

"That's what I was thinking." Tony grinned as I snorted.

"Oh please. You were going to go with a white shirt and a black tie. I faked a snore and rolled my eyes prancing back to his bed and flopping down.

"Excuse me, I have some fashion sense, okay. But I don't want to embarrass you by wearing something terrible." He argued, sticking his tongue out at me quite childishly. He carefully draped the outfit along the back of his desk chair before going back to filling his duffel bag with other essentials. I laid on the bed, watching him move about the room. When he was done, he pumped his fists in victory before he fell onto the bed next to me. He immediately rolled onto his side, looking at me with a shy smile as he leaned in close, pausing with his lips a breath away from mine, silently telling me to go the other 10% so he would know that kissing me was okay. I smiled softly and pressed our lips together, melting into his touch as he held me respectably to his body.

I watched as his eyes fluttered closed and then shut tightly before he tilted my head and deepened the kiss. Our tongues gently meshed together in a passionate but sweet way, smiles tugging at our mouths at the amazing feeling that was flowing through our veins. I could feel the temperature beginning to rise slowly until it shot up when Tony's large hands placed themselves onto my hips, dragging me close to his body. I could feel him against my lower stomach, my cheeks beginning to flame as I awkwardly tried to shift away from him. Tony noticed my movement and pulled away, looking into my face as my eyes shut. I could feel the flames of embarrassment licking at my cheeks as Tony nudged me to open my eyes. It wasn't like I had never felt anything like that before, it was just that I had never felt Tony like that.

"What?" Tony frowned when I popped one eye open to look at him.

"Nothing." I insisted, nervously running a hand through my hair as we both rolled onto our backs. The room was silent as Tony and I both blushed, trying to figure out what to say next along with catch our breath. I held my breath for a few moments, trying to gather up the heavy pressure in my chest and push it all out in one quick breath before I spoke. "I-I'm just not ready for, um, that with you." I looked away when a deep frown etched across his face as he wrinkled his nose slightly, shaking his head.

"You're right." He sighed harshly and loudly. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be rushing things like that. I'm sorry if that made you, um, uncomfortable." I winced at how awkward this whole conversation was, biting my lip and nodding along with his words like a bobble head. "Your first time should be better than this."

I couldn't move as his green eyes locked with mine. I felt frozen to the spot as he searched my eyes, expectantly waiting for me to respond to him. The problem was that I couldn't. Not only could I not physically open my mouth to speak to him, but I also would be lying if I said I was as pure as the virgin Mary. I tried hard not to let the squeak out of my mouth, not sure how I could possibly share the one secret I had kept from Tony all of these years now that he was so much more than just my best friend. He was my boyfriend, and I knew he was not going to like the person that took that part of me.

"This is where you say something." Tony pushed out. I could see him getting breathless as his lungs ran out of air. His eyes began to furiously search mine and I knew my hesitation and my eyes were giving me away. I dropped them, not in shame, but because I was afraid he was going to start yelling.

"Don't be mad...." I started out, thinking that if I threw that out there, I could calm the coming storm. He wasn't necessarily going to be mad that I wasn't a virgin, he was going to be mad about who I did it with.

"Jesus Christ, this never ends well." He groaned out, hand slapping over his eyes as he began to roll around on the bed, whining quietly. He lifted a few fingers to glance at me. "Do I want to know?" He asked me, eyes shining innocently at me as his eyebrows lowered in a slight discomfort. I shook my head at him and he groaned loudly again. "Don't tell me then. Spare me." He rolled onto his side, his back towards me as he looked at the door. His shoulders were rising and falling harshly as he tried to control himself.

"Okay." I whispered quietly, picking at the hem of my shirt with my nails. The room was quiet as we could hear the sounds of doors opening and closing in other parts of the house, along with a feminine giggle from next door. I rolled my eyes, already knowing who that was. I tentatively reached out to place my hand against Tony's shoulder, rubbing it in slow circles as I crawled over to him. "You can't be mad at me, Tony. It isn't fair for you to be able to flounder around town with half the girls at Wayzata."

"I'm not mad." Tony tried to tell me, shaking his head as he looked down at the carpet on his floor. "I'm just... surprised. You never told me you had...."

"... had sex?" I filled in for him, watching him jerk and squirm.

"Yeah." He wheezed. I hid my smiled in his shoulder, trying to comfort him, knowing that it was a big shock to know that someone you love had been intimate with someone else.

"If it helps, it sucked." I offered to him. His muscles tensed and he turned, eyes a mile deep as he looked at me.

"I change my mind. I want to know who it was, when it was, where I was, and how the hell you kept it from me." He insisted, eyes wide.

"Ton, I really don't think you want to know."

"Brianna, it's going to bother me more if you don't just tell me now." I searched his eyes for a few moments before sighing in compliance.
 
“Alright, but you can’t interrupt me while I’m talking.” I insisted, tapping his shoulder so he turned his legs towards me, extended out along his bed. I sat in between his knees, legs curled into a perfect biting my lip and trying to decide where to start. I took in a deep breath, looking into his hesitant yet impatient eyes.
 
“It was our senior year in high school and you had just left for Omaha the week before. Homecoming had been Friday and then the dance on Saturday.” I started, swallowing as I tried to keep my voice steady. “I don’t know if you remember, but I went to the dance with Zach Jacobsen.”
 
“Brianna!” He screamed, the sound coming out more like a yelp. “Please, please, please please tell me you banged some kid on the math ream and not one of my high school teammates.” I could see his eyes frantically moving back and forth.
 
“Would you like me to stop?” I asked him, cocking an eyebrow.
 
“No.” He groaned. “Hold my hand while you continue though.” He insisted, gripping my left hand tightly. I rolled my eyes and proceeded.
 
“So we went to dinner and the dance before heading back to Kara’s for a bonfire and such before the boys had to leave. Well, a few hours after the boys left, Joey and a few other guys, including Zach, came back to hang out and stuff.” I widened my eyes at the last part, making Tony squirm. “You’re alright.” I assured him. “So Zach finds me in the mess of people and is like, hey let’s take a drive. We ended up back at his house and snuck up to his room. It was all innocent enough until the kissing started and I was a little tipsy from the wine and beer, and a little emotionally fucked up. And… it just… happened. It sucked, but he was gentle enough. It wasn’t what I thought it would be, but it was fine none-the-less.”
 
“Sex is not supposed to be fine, Brianna. It is supposed to be fucking fantastic.” Tony glowered, twirling the ring around my finger as he spoke darkly.
 
“I can’t take it back.” I shrugged, leaning forward and softly pressing his lips to mine. “Plus doesn’t it matter more to you that you’re my last rather than my first?” My lips brushed gently against his as I tangled my fingers in his hair. He let out a quiet sigh before flashing his green eyes open.
 
“He’s the only one? Once?”
 
“Yes and no. It was a couple times, but not anything recently.” I tried to pull him into my chest but he resisted, making me whine. “Tony, don’t be a dick.” I pouted as he matching my expression.
 
“Can I have a minute?” He huffed. “God, how could he do that with you? Everyone knows how important you are to me.”
 
“I don’t think anyone, including you, knew it was in such an intimate way.” I told him gently, clasping a hand at the back of his neck and giving him a soft kiss on the corner of the mouth. “I’m yours now though, all of me is yours.” He closed his eyes, pulling me in tighter and whispering against my lips.
 
“I’m the only one who will ever get you like that again. And that’s a promise.”
 
If only I could have taken him right there.
***
 
My UGG boots scuffed across the sidewalk outside of the DECC in Duluth, the home of the UMD Bulldogs. Lake Superior was half frozen and fast to my left while the crowd of maroon and gold filtered around me. It was difficult, unless looking closely, to determine who was rooting for which team seeing as the colors were the same, but the mascots were different. But I knew who the people beside me were rooting for, and that was all that mattered.
 
“I’m so glad you decided to come with.” Joyce murmured as we walked around the dome like structure, walking to our seats and settling in for the in-state battle.
 
“Me too.” I told her, poking Kara who sat in front of me, texting on her phone. She glanced at me over her shoulder, grinning widely.
 
“Hey Looch’s girl.” She winked as Joyce bubbled happily next to me. “And Mrs. Lucia”
 
“Hi Kara.” Joyce replied, moving aside for Jessica and Ali to slip into their seats next to me. Hello’s were exchanged all around as the boys ran onto the ice for warm ups. I couldn’t resist the pull of my eyes to Tony, finding him swirling around below, having no idea that I was in the stands.
 
I had no intention of driving with the Lucia family up to Duluth until I walked into work. My boss was running around and had stopped, looked me up and down, and then insisted that I go home. I opened my mouth to protest but she, being the kind lady she was, told me to shut up and take the weekend off. I didn’t complain as I turned around, walking back to the house and seeing Kara about to take off with the Miller family. Kara insisted that I pack my bags and call Joyce who was leaving in about an hour. I complied and was in the car with them an hour later, laughing along with Tony’s little brother, Mario. I decided to keep my traveling to myself and surprise Tony after the game, not wanting to distract him, but also because I knew he was going to be extremely happy when he saw me. And his large smile was something I didn’t want to miss out on.

I bit my lip as I watched Tony pull his helmet off, shaking his long hair out before running a hand through it to slick it back. I rolled my eyes, wondering why he went through the trouble when he could just cut his hair and have it permanently out of his face. The zamboni quickly went over the ice, making the surface glossy once again and ready for the start of a hard-nosed hockey game. I slipped down a row as the boys came onto the ice, settling in next to Kara as Joyce began to talk to the other parents who were hear for the weekend.
 
“Do you have a hotel room?” Kara asked me, eyes locked on Joey as he settled in next to Tony on the goal line.
 
“I am staying with Ali and Jessica.” I shrugged my shoulders.
 
“Which hotel are they staying at?” She asked casually, glancing over her shoulder before back at me.
 
“The Inn I think. Why?”
 
“What floor?”
 
“I don’t know! Joyce just checked in and then we walked here. I didn’t go to the room or anything.”
 
“Well, I bet they aren’t on the floor that a certain number 12 is staying on.” She replied casually. “Or right next door.” She threw me a wink as I began to piece together what she was saying.
 
“You know, maybe it would be better to stay with you.” I concluded, nodding my head. “Bonding and such.” We both giggled before standing for the national anthem. And then the game was off.
 
Maroon and gold blended together on the ice, the Gophers in maroon while the Dogs wore white to differentiate from the two schools. They swirled in clashed together, battling for the puck in the corners and each of the three zones. Tony was flying around the ice, throwing his body from side to side and hacking at the puck any opportunity he had. His line consisted of himself, Mike Carmen, and Ryan Flynn, a line that had been a hard-nosed, battling in the corners line, but they also produced because of their hard work. By the end of the second period, the game was tied at 1, and I was nervously on edge waiting for the third. I spent the intermission, chatting with Joyce, letting her know my plans to stay with Kara for the weekend. When the boys came back on the ice for the third, I couldn’t help but feel the bubbling excitement and anxiousness.
 
My nerves spiked when the Bulldogs scored their second of the game, pushing them ahead of the Gophers for seven minutes before Ryan Stoa found the back of the net. I screamed loudly, clapping and bouncing along with the rouser in my head, thankful that the uneasiness in my chest started to slide away. Four minutes later, Tony notched his first goal of the game to send the Gophers ahead with five minutes remaining in the game. I couldn’t stop myself from beaming proudly as Tony jumped into the glass to celebrate before turning to his teammates for a group celebration. I was so proud of him as I clapped, my eyes focusing on him and ignoring the game as he smiled and accepted the praise and head taps that came down from the whole bench. His grin was infections, and I couldn’t help but return it. My nervousness returned when the Bulldogs pulled their goalie, making my throat clench and my heart begin to pound in my chest. But when the final buzzer rang, I yelled and screamed proudly even if they couldn’t hear me.
 
“That was a good game.” Kara murmured as we walked down to the concourse, making our way down to wait for the boys.
 
“It was. I hate those close games though. They make me nervous.” I wrinkled my nose, sighing quietly and leaning against the wall.
 
“Those are the games they live for.” Kara insisted with a slight chuckle, sliding down the wall to sit on the ground. I would have joined her, but I wanted to be in the perfect position for when Tony emerged from the locker room. I wanted to be able to throw myself into his arms and squeeze the life from him.
 
The Lucia family set up shop across the small area from us, talking amongst themselves as I stood with Kara and the other girlfriends. The boys began to filter out relatively quickly, finding their family members or heading towards the bus. Tony came out with the middle of the pack, talking with Joey and Ryan Flynn, laughing loudly before taking a sip of his water. My eyes shone lightly as I watched him, wondering if he would know I was there just by the pull of my eyes. He glanced briefly in my direction when he got to his mom, pulling her into a hug along with his sisters and Mario. His eyes had scanned over me like he was looking but not really seeing. I giggled, tapping Kara’s shoulder to say goodbye before beginning to walk across the room. I didn’t even get four feet from my previous spot before Tony’s green eyes were locked on me. His lips pulled apart into a large grin, an excited glint making his green eyes twinkle as he stepped around his family, opening his arms.
 
I bustled across the room to him, slowing when I was a small distance away, before leaping into his body. My arms and legs wrapped around him immediately, pulling our bodies into a vise tight grip. I squealed into his shoulder, biting my lip and giggling as his fingers held me up by the pockets on my jeans.
 
“You are such a liar.” Tony insisted with a slight hiss to his voice, but the large smile on his face softened his tone.

"I didn't lie." I insisted after sharing a few soft kisses with him. He buried his face into my neck, resting his ear against my shoulder as his breath pushed out soft puffs against my skin, causing goosebumps immediately. "I wasn't supposed to come up, but my boss sent me home for the weekend. So, I called your mom and next thing I knew, I was coming up here to watch you. By the way, nice celebration." I giggled as he laughed, the sound vibrating my body within his arms. I tunneled my fingers through his hair and tilted his head back, pressing our lips together in a soft kiss.

"I know I just saw you yesterday morning, but I already miss you." He whispered to me, making me smile sympathetically.

"You know I missed you too." I murmured, searching his intense green eyes.

"Are you staying at The Inn with my mom?" He asked as my feet pressed against the concrete again.

"I'm staying with Kara." I told him, my lips twisting into a smirk. His lips stretched into a large smile.

"It's too bad I can't have any uh... extra roommates in my room with me." He whispered against my lips as he stepped closer, our chests pressed tightly together, his hands clasped together on the small of my back. I giggled softly before sucking my cheeks in, crooking an eyebrow and setting a devilish grin on his face. I played with his tie absentmindedly before looking into his eyes again. His eyebrows darted up in surprise at the look on my face.

"Well, you know what a certain left wing always says, what the coach doesn't know won't hurt him." I winked and gave his tie a tug, watching Tony's eyes grow wide before I smashed our lips together.

You don't have to have sex to have fun.