Finding Home

Frightened. That was the only emotion I felt whilst standing on King’s Cross platform. In any other circumstances I would have been happy, maybe even excited, but not today. Over two hundred children ranging from two to sixteen were standing with me on the platform and I expected most of them felt the same as me.

Today we were being evacuated to a safer place. That’s all I remember knowing. No-one really had any idea whereabouts this place was, all we knew was that we were going to a safer place.
Living in London during a war, isn’t really the safest place to be, and the government reinforced that notion by asking parents to allow their children to be evacuated, to those places which were least at risk of being attacked. The rule wasn’t forced, but many parents felt that it was the safest option, and my parent’s felt the same.

My sister and I had said goodbye to our mother outside the house. She didn’t want to say goodbye at the station because she did not want to feel like we were never going to see each other again. She believed that this would be only for a little while, and before we knew it we’ll be back at home, and all the fighting would have stopped.
Her goodbye was a tight embrace followed by a kiss and a warming smile that made you feel like you were the only thing in her world.
Our father had left a week ago when he and his colleagues signed up to join the army. We all knew that this war was inevitable and my father felt as though he should be fighting to save our country and our future.
Saying goodbye to him was more tearful than today. My mother cried, my sister didn’t really understand and me, well I was stumped. I didn’t know how to react. I wanted him to stay, but I knew he wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want to say goodbye. He was my dad and I loved him more than anything, and I was scared. I was scared that our last moments were created with the knowledge that he was going to die, and i couldn't bear it.

Standing on the platform I felt lost. In one hand I had my brown tacky suitcase and in the other was my sister’s four year old palm. She held onto me tighter than I’d ever been held. She was scared just like me, but I didn’t know how to calmer – I didn’t even know how to calm myself.

We had labels attached to us as though we were nothing but parcels. Our clothes were immaculate and our suitcases were light. The government broadcasted on the radio that the most important items that we needed were our gas masks and our identity cards. The amount of clothing and possessions we could take was measured by the amount of effort you placed into closing your case.

The next couple of minutes I remember very vividly.

One moment I was standing bewildered on the platform with my sister in my hand, and the next my hand was free and my sister was screaming my name. I turned towardsher voice and saw an officer dragging her by her hand.

“Hey! Sir! Stop! Where are you taking her?” I shouted, but apparently not loud enough. The officer kept walking. I started pushing my way through the crowd shouting my sister’s name, Emily. The crowd was claustrophobic due to the platform being so small, and I didn’t have the authority of the officer to move them out of the way. I kept stumbling into people and tripping over people’s cases. I fell so many times that eventually the throbbing pain and trinckle of blood running down my legs became somewhat easier to handle.

The last time that i accidently fell over a pair of shoes, I got up and saw the officer place Emily in one of the carriages further away. I approached the nearest officer and demanded him to tell me where she was going.

“I don’t know Miss, the trains stopping at different spots.” The officer told me with disinterest.

“But she’s my sister! I’m meant to stay with her!” I screamed.

“There’s nothing I can do Miss, the government never issued for siblings to stay together. I wouldn’t worry though, I’m sure she’ll be safe.”

Before I could say anything back I felt myself being ushered towards the train. I looked back and saw another officer yelling at me that it was time to get on the train. I tried my hardest to squirm free so that I could reach Emily’s carriage but as I looked round, it seemed that everyone was being pushed forward. I couldn’t fight through the people and my knees were sore and red from falling so many times, the pain seemed to be escalating as my power diminished. I succumbed to the officers push and allowed him to push me onto the train in defeat.

Once on the train I occupied the seat nearest the door that connected to the other carriages. I had an idea. During the journey I would go into the other carriages; find Emily and stay with her. My idea seemed perfect.

That was, until a guard stood by the doors, restricting who could enter and exit.

As the train started moving I was scared and exhausted. I felt dumb. Why this was happening? How could i be going to a safer place, when i felt most safe at home with my family?

I closed my eyes, rolled my head onto the wind and let the tears of pain stream down my face. My ears echoed the cries of the others who had boarded the train. It made me cry harder. How could anything get better from this? We were on a train, with no idea where we were going with nothing but a label and suitcase! The normalities of life felt out of reach.

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I must have fallen asleep when the train left the station, as when my eyes re-opened there was nothing but greenery outside the window. I’d never seen so much greenery - London wasn’t (and still isn't) exactly known for its green landscapes and sights of cows in the field. I was amazed to see cows grazing in the grass, the sun beaming on the green horizon and clouds that actually looked like large pieces of candy floss. It struck my heart.

I had no idea where we were though. I'd heard that outside London there was greenery covered all over the English island. I could have been in Scotland for all I knew. I looked round and saw some of the girls mirroring my image: swollen eyes staring out of the windows, others were chatting in groups, but I couldn’t quite comprehend what they could talk about; gossip? fashion? boys? everything seemed insignificant at the moment. I stopped staring at the others and looked ahead and was startIed when i saw a girl sat in front of me.

“Hello” The girl said.

I stared at her in bewilderment. How long has she been sitting in front of me? I certainly didn’t remember her sitting in front of me before the train left the station, but then again i don't remember seeing the train leaving the station.

Her face was fair and covered in freckles. Her hair was the colour of fire with a tinge of orange and her eyes were brown like chocolate. She looked so young and delicate.

“Are you okay” I heard the china - like doll say.

The cogs in my brain finally started turning and I was able to say hi back.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.”

“Good. I’m Jenifer by the way.”

“Lillian.”

Jenifer opened her mouth to say something else but she was haltered by the screech of the train as it pulled into the station. I looked round and outside the windows. I saw many officers standing by the exits that led them onto the platform. I kept sitting in my seat and so did everyone else in my carriage. Anxiety built up in my chest. A couple of minutes passed before one of the officers entered the carriage and told us to get up and leave. And all at once we stood up and left the carriage in an orderly fashion....