Not A Soul

I sighed and let my body slide down against the wall to the floor.My heart begged to hear him talk to me like he cares again.

Kelly ran up the slide, and he stuck out his tongue and shout down to me, "Slow poke!"

I slowly crawled up the slide after him. As I neared the top, Kelly reached his hand out for me to take. As I reached for his hand, our hands connected, but I lost the traction on my shoes and slipped, pulling both of us tumbling down the slide. We landed in the mulch, laughing.

"You can't ever make it to the top." He said, softly, "Why's that?"

I glared at the seven-year-old in front of me. I threw my arms around dramatically and made up excuses, "It's not my fault! It's the shoes!"

Kelly giggled, reached out his hand, and our fingers intertwined. I instantly stopped pouting, and I pulled him to the swings, "Push me!"

He always pushed me, since he was stronger, because he always did the hard work. He told me I shouldn't do hard work because I'm too small, and I could easily hurt myself. He waited for me to climb onto the swing, before he pulled the swing back and pushed me forward. The higher in the air I went, the more I giggled and squealed excitedly.
"Higher! Higher!"

Why did Kellin have to change so much?He just can't make up his mind.

I didnt budge, even as the bell rang. I wouldn't be able to concentrate in class, so why should I go? I just sat with my back against the wall and my knees to my chest, and I ignored everyone that passed me. Hell, I'm pretty sure they didn't even know I was there, so it wasn't that hard.

What made him change? Did Kellin just snap and decide all of his dreams weren't worth it? Was he just so used to being hurt and beaten all of the time that he just decided that was the right way to live? It is okay to hurt people?He thinks it's okay to hurt me.

Fuck! I'm thinking about him again. Why does he have to swarm my thoughts? Isn't it bad enough that I have to see him so often?Never.

I guess he just needs to fuck up my life. Everything was just fine without him. Sure, I missed him, but isn't it normal to miss your childhood friend? Isn't it normal to set your hopes high, wishing they'd come back? Well, he's back, and I don't know left from right anymore. Instead, he fills my mind with thoughts about him, and I can't concentrate on anything. I can't pay attention, especially when he's around. Even when he isn't, I'm so lost in confusion that I don't hear anyone talking to me. I'm oblivious.I'm so obliviously in love with him.

He didn't seem drunk last night. He could have been, but I wasn't close enough to smell it. I guess it makes sense though. Why else would he have rambled on about Hanley and me, if he wasn't drunk? If he was drunk, though, then why would he have cared? Does that mean that deep, deep, deep down he really does care about me?

I stood up, and as I was about to walk to the door to sneak out and leave, I bumped into just who wanted to avoid me most.

"Watch wear you're going."

I scowled, "Fuck you."

Kellin growled, "What did you say to me?"

I wish I had the guts to repeat myself, but he was far too close, and I'm terrified he'd hurt me if I even tried.