Not A Soul

"I didn't want to tell you this, Curt, but you have to know." Tommy is talking, but what he's saying is making my throat choke up, and my body tenses. "You shouldn't believe Kellin. Haven't you heard anything going around?"

I shake my head, over and over. I don't want to hear what is going on, but I knew that he was going to tell me. He was going to ruin everything, and I wish I didn't hear it and ran away before he had the chance to say anything.

"He's using you. He made a bet with people to see how long it would take to sleep with you." Tom says, and Paul nods vigorously. Paul starts explaining on how some guys came up to him and told him that they bet with Kellin. They told Paul that Kellin 'couldn't say no' and agreed to the deal. They even told Paul how much money they were betting, and that was what made me fall to the floor, pulling my hair for being so stupid. I fall the floor roughly, crying.

Paul is holding me. He's telling me how things will be okay. Everything will be okay, but he doesn't understand how I'm feeling. I had sex with him, and he was only leading me on. I tear myself out of his arms, and I bolt. I run and run and run, and my lungs are cramping, but I continue on. I'm too scared to stop. If I stop now, any one could find me, and I don't want that. I don't want anyone to see me like this.

I know they might be following me, so I dodge through the streets. I almost didn't make it passed a few cars in enough time, but I don't stop until I am lost. Well, lost enough in a town I know like the back of my own hand. I pant, trying desperately to catch my breath. I look at my phone, noticing all of the missed calls and text messages, but I ignore them and turn my phone off.

Kellin betrayed me. He only slept with me because he was going to get money. He doesn't care about me, and I shouldn't care about him.

I wake up and pull the leaves out of my hair. I fell asleep in the woods, I notice, and I sigh. I don't want to cry any more. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to go home or back to school. I don't want to face Kellin. I need someone to comfort me, and there is only one person I actually want to apologize to. I need to talk to Hanley.

I turn my phone on, and I go through my missed calls. Most are from Kellin, but I have a few others from Paul and Tommy. I ignore the three people, and I call Hanley. He doesn't answer though, and I have to leave a message.

"Hanley," I sigh, "I'm sorry. You were right about everything. Kellin wasn't worth it."

That was it. I hang up, and I slowly wonder around. I find my way back home, and I lazily walk through the door. I could feel my mother's arms wrap around me, and I could hear the worry in her voice. I could hear her soft voice, but I couldn't make out any words. She starts to get more worried, so she shakes me. She wants me to look at her, but I can't. I mustn't. I don't want her to see right through me. I don't want her to see how empty and heart broken I feel. I don't want to break her heart.

She gives up, after a few minutes, and she leaves me alone to wonder upstairs. I am slow, almost painfully slow, moving. I make it to my room and collapse on the bed.

I can't sleep, as much as I try, and I try so hard. I only lay with my eyes half open, barely focusing on anything. I can't think. I can't sleep. I want to sleep so badly, but my eyes won't shut. They refuse to close. My body won't let me sleep.

There was only one thing running through my mind at the moment.

I trusted you, Kellin.