Not A Soul

"You need to eat, Curt." Hanley says, pushing the plate back towards me, but I just ignore it. I'm not hungry. I haven't been hungry for days. I have barely eaten, if I have eaten at all, since I found out about the bet. Honestly, I don't want to eat.

I need to keep my mind busy.

"Curt," He grunts, grabbing my face so I look at him, "Eat, or I'll feed you."

I growl at him.

I must be bipolar. I've never experienced so many emotions in so little time. I woke up depressed, then when I saw Hanley I couldn't stop smiling, and now, I'm growling. I'm angry. I'm displeased. I'm pissed. I'm annoyed. Again, I must be bipolar.

He laughs at the noise that leaves my throat, and he climbs on me, straddling. He pushes me against the back of the wooden kitchen chair, and his fingers pry at my mouth. I'm squirming, trying so hard not to let him force me into this. The weight is too much for the back of the chair to handle, and the legs slip. We fall to the floor and pain shoots through my spine, and I shout out. Luckily, Hanley didn't think of putting the spoon into my mouth.

"Damn," Hanley groans, "You alright?"

I moan, and I push him off of me. "Fuck you."

-

It's been about a week. One week of everything and nothing happening all at once. Hanley has finally gotten me to come back to school. He tells me that I'm missing too much school work. Once we arrive to the brick building, several people come to me, asking me how I am, what's going on, or how I'm feeling. I simply snap at them, tell them I'm fine, or I say some bitchy response that forces Hanley to step in and say something apologetic. I hate this.

"Curt," Mr. Hart sighs, "So you've decided to attend my class again. Please take a seat and ask your neighbor for the notes."

I'm not sitting down next to Kellin.

"Curt, sit down."

I'm only doing this because I can't take a referral. I scoot the chair in, once I finally take the seat. I don't look at him. I act like I can't hear his soft, smooth, low voice. I don't even budge when he slips me a note. I don't even take it. I physically can't. I can't take anymore pain.

I don't understand why I let Hanley drag me here. Everyone knows about Kellin and me. Everyone keeps talking to me about it, and the pain is unbearable. Even in class now, I can hear them talking about it. I can hear their whispers. They're all wondering if I'm going to snap at Kellin now, like I had snapped at them earlier this morning. They feel sorry for me. They are sympathetic about how I ended up falling for such a lying, pathetic teenager.I can't take it anymore.

"Will you just shut up?" I say, turning in my seat. "I didn't come back to be harassed."

Mr. Hart probably would have kicked me out, if I hadn't added the last sentence. Instead, he simply sighs, "Pay attention, class."

Class carries on and not once does Kellin give up. He continues trying hard to talk to me, and I want so badly to tell him to just stop, but if I do, then he'll only continue because he got a reaction. That's all he wants: a reaction.

I just stare at the floor until the class change, where I find Paul waiting for me.

"Hanley has to get to class early, so I'm going to walk with you, alright?"

I nod, "Thanks, Paul."

I'm fully aware of Kellin behind us. Kellin and I have class together next, as well.

"You lost weight." Paul sighs, as we reach the classroom.

I look down at myself. "I don't think it's that noticeable."

"It is."

I roll my eyes, "Fuck off."

Paul laughs, "Bennett missed you like crazy. He came up to me several times last week asking if you were all right."

"He needs to stop trying to be my father."

I leave Paul without so much as a goodbye, and I sit by Bennett. Ben doesn't really say anything. He simply pulls me into a hug. It is actually something I really need right now, and I silently thank him.

This class goes much like the first, except I'm sitting by Bennett, and Kellin isn't bothering me. Ben is talking, as if to himself, since I am not answering or responding. I'm staring off at the floor, again, and I can almost feel my body feeding on itself. I groan softly and move to the teacher's desk. She looks up at me, her eyes are sorrowful, as if she heard everything, too.

I excuse myself to the restroom, and she simply nods. I escape, and I stand by a urinal. I relieve myself, before zipping my pants back up, and I go to wash my hands. I look at myself in the mirror for the first time in a few days, and I sigh. I have lost weight. I can see it in my face. I'm tired, and I'm cranky. My body language and the bags under my eyes show how upset I am about the whole situation, and I groan. I splash water on my face, trying to wake myself up from the daze I'm in.

"Will you just let me talk?"

I look in the mirror, and I see Kellin in the doorway. He comes in, and he stands near me. He isn't too close, as if he's scared I'm going to lash out on him or something.

"I don't want to hear your lies."

He sighs, "I know that I'm not the best person in the world, especially for someone like you, but I would never do anything like this to you."

"Fuck off."

"I'm not going to stop until you believe me that the rumors aren't true."

I grunt, "Hanley--"

"Hanley can fuck himself. He's a fucking bastard."

My jaw drops, as the facts click in my mind. "Y-You were the one that punched him."

Kellin moves closer to me, and I don't move. As much as I hate him right now, I still have feelings for him. "He deserved it. He's lying to you, Curtie. I swear it's him."

I push passed him, without a word, and as I turn a few corners to go back to class, I'm rudely informed of the truth.

"Here's the money," I see Hanley hand the two boys some cash, and he continues talking, "They're bound to break up sooner or later."

I gasp, and immediately Hanley and the two notice that I overheard. "Curt," Hanley shouts after me, but it's too late.

I don't go back to class, and I'm sure everyone knew I was going to skip any way. Kellin did return, and he found me again in lunch. This time, I was a little less upset. I think he noticed, but I don't really know.

Kellin sits next to me, and he sighs, "I'm never going to give you up, Curtie. I love you."

And just like that, I'm crying, and I'm pushing my body into his. I'm apologizing. I know his shirt is getting wet from my tears, but he isn't saying anything about it. His arms are wrapped around me, and he's holding me closer the more I cry.

I slowly lean up, "I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

"Curtie--" I shake my head.

"No, listen. Everything just measured up. When you ran out after we," I pause, not wanting to say it out loud. I don't even know what to call it other than taking my virginity. "The rumors just seemed to click. If you really cared so much, why would you have ran? And then they were saying stuff about some bet, and I just... Kelly, I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. I am, really."

"Curtie," He sighs, "You aren't stupid."

He rubs my back, calming me down some, and I look him in the eyes once more before asking him to leave, and as we walk through the doors, I take his hand and I mutter softly.

"I love you, too."