Not A Soul

Her screams are loud enough to make my head throb. I look away, because I can’t seem to stare at her in the eyes when she’s like this. I wait patiently for it, for the hit that I know she is going to deliver. And just as I expected, it comes full force, slamming against my face.

There’s going to be a mark there tomorrow, I know it.

Her words are the same as always. They express her extreme hatred towards me, making me know that I was a mistake…that she doesn’t and never has or will want me. These facts I already know, but she shouts them at the top of her lungs anyways.

Her slurred words are all too familiar. I find myself sounding like that most of the time as well. She stumbles towards her bedroom, randomly stopping mid sentence. I watch and wait until she’s gone before grabbing a six pack from the fridge and bolting.

The night is cool, dark, and practically lifeless. By now everyone is already in bed, asleep, and dreaming.

My dreams are only nightmares. It’s one of the many reasons I prefer to pass out from immense amount of alcohol rather than on my own.

I slip into the park and take a seat on the swing.

The familiar feel of the alcohol burning my lungs is welcomed with open arms. With an obnoxious burp I crush the can and toss it to the ground beneath my feet. Just as I do this an all too familiar voice breaks my thoughts…

“Kellin…”

My eyes, which were once trained on the delicious and welcoming beer in my hand, are suddenly turning to the left to see the one and only boy I was praying to not have to speak with, ever. Sadly, everything in my life seems to never go my way and here we are…

I scoff and look away from those enticing chocolate eyes that only Curt can own. I use the beer as a distraction and chug it. From the corner of my eye, I see the boy grimace, and I expect him to leave, but he doesn’t.

He does the opposite and comes closer. Fuck, me and my damn bad luck. He has to be here, doesn’t he? Can’t he see I want nothing to do with him? I ignored him for the last four years for a reason, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint does he?

“Kellin…why didn’t…why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is soft, hurt, but I pretend that I don’t notice it and act as if I’m clueless.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I spit, not caring what Curt thinks of that. Maybe if I disgust him enough he’ll run off…doubt it.

“You know what I’m talking about!” Curt’s voice rises with every word until by the end of what he says he’s screaming. “You just left without saying a damn thing! You didn’t tell me why, when, or where you gone off to. You didn’t even keep in contact and-”

“Obviously there’s a reason,” my cold turn breaks through his words, causing him to stop, remain still, and listen to the words passing my lips. “Because I want nothing to do with you. Fuck off.”

His single step back makes me believe he might actually leave. Fuck yes…but after a few moments I realize he’s just stunned and is only standing there from shock. Groaning, I throw my head back and finish my second beer, tossing it at him I snap, “Be a useful little shit and clean this up, will ya?”

Before the kid has time to reply I’m walking off, beer in hand. I ignore the words he’s shouting my way. I wouldn’t even listen if he were telling me about a bomb just up ahead.

I don’t want to be around that kid. I want nothing to do with him. Fuck, If there was one thing I could do, it’d be get rid of him. He’ll cause too many fucking problems and I have enough problems in my life.

I want nothing to do with Curt, can’t he see that? Or is he just that fucking retarded?

I make my way far away from the park and back to that trailer hell hole. Thankfully that woman is fast asleep in her bed and I spend the rest of the evening on my couch, drinking away all my memories, which seem to be haunting me now that I’m back…

~

“Kelly! Kelly, wait for me!” He giggles, a small hand reaching out for my own. I smirk and skid to a stop to grab his hand in my own and our fingers intertwine immediately.

Curt’s mommy always says that we’re too friendly, but we’re friends…aren’t we supposed to be friendly?

“Come on Curtie.” I tug on his arm eagerly while making my way to our secret hang out, a tree house behind Curtie’s house and at the top of a hill. It’s our fort. Only we are already up there and only we are already in. No girls or parents allowed!

“Kelly,” Curt yawns, wrapping his arm around my own. “It’s getting’ dark ….shouldn’t we go home? Mommy don‘t want us out after dark.”

“Don’t be such a scaredy cat Curt!” I tease, wiggling my nose against his, causing his face to turn red. He looks so funny, like a fire hydrant!

Pouting Curt stomps up the hill ahead of me. “I’m not scared!”

I pump my fist in triumph and run to chase after him. Once again I lock our hands together and snuggle my head into his neck. My little 6 year old best friend smiles at me, showing off the missing teeth he had just given to the tooth fairy.

Curtie really is my best friend!

~

Shit…why did I have to dream about that?