Always
Always
I saw him for the first time in months tonight. When I walked into Culver's I found him sitting at a booth slurping down a milkshake. The paper cup was almost empty. I knew that because I could hear the annoying noise of the straw searching for something to suck up. Apparently his apatite hadn't changed during our time apart. He ate as if he hadn't seen food in days. His smile hadn't changed either. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was just as white as ever. "Hey." I greeted him, his bright grin spread from ear to ear. Oh, how I missed that sparkling face of his. He was wearing an old, faded green t-shirt that hung off his broad shoulders. His arms were a little more toned than they used to be and his jaw line was still chiseled perfectly.
"Hey." From there, the conversation flew. It was almost like we started right where we left off last time. He told me stories about his roommates at school and I laughed. I giggled when he told me about the way he asked some girl to a banquet. (Secretly I was a bit jealous. But I would never admit that to anyone.) And I comforted him when he confided in me that college wasn't the utopia he had expected. I listened to his tales of life away from home, away from me. And again, I envied the fact that he escaped this town. I envied the people who saw him every day. If I saw him every day, I would be one lucky girl. Then, it was my turn. Not much has happened but I somehow thought of things to tell him. I gave him bits and pieces of my break up. I was with a guy for three years and he ditched me - just like that. Evan said he'd beat that boy for me. I could tell he was serious because his eyes squinted just a tad bit. They always do that when he's thinking about something important. He also told me he'd scare off any guy who tried to get close to me. That's something I love about him. He protects me.
Evan and I met our sophomore year of high school, almost four years ago now. We were in English class together and he was neighbors with my grandparents way back when. I remember how I used to make fun of him as I saw him walk his dog around the block in middle school. My grandma used to try and get me to go talk to him. I always refused. He looked like a dork. My grandma told me he was in the band. That just added to the geek factor. He was tall, lanky, and awkward back then. His glasses were too big for his skinny head and his body too big for his clothes. Anyways, a few years later, that one day during English class I randomly sat next to him. I don't know why. But I did. We hit it off instantly and he became my best friend. It's strange how those kind of things happen. Instant friends, I mean. We didn't have mutual friends at the time. We didn't even have any other classes together. We just ... clicked and that was that. In high school I dated a few boys and had one heavy (and messed up) relationship, but I was always the only girl in his life. Besides his mom, of course. I love that woman. It was me and him, though, for the most part. And I was his girl. We never kissed. I'm not even sure we ever flirted before. I doubt we'd even know how. Instead, we've shared countless amounts of pizzas and bread sticks. We've experienced laughter and tears together. He was my rock when I had no where else to turn. I could, and still can, tell him anything and everything. I've never met a boy so real as Evan.
Sometimes I wonder if he's ever thought about me in a more-than-a-friend kind of way. It's highly unlikely. But I do wonder. Not like I would ever ask him that, of course. We're friends. Just friends. Still. I can't help but wish I knew if he has ever had a crush on me. Does he even find me attractive? And right now I'm asking myself why I'm even thinking these thoughts. I can't like him. That is impossible. My friends used to tell me that one day me and him would end up dating. They used to say that hopefully I won't realize I love him when he's waiting at the end of an aisle for his wife to come down and say "I do". That wouldn't happen. Because I would never fall for him. And yet, here I am, debating in my head if there could ever be anything between us. Tonight, as I watched his lips move, I noticed how soft they look. I bet he's a gentle kisser. I bet he's respectful.
Sparks between us are non-existent. There's never been butterflies in my stomach because of him. I don't get nervous or anxious with him. I don't try to impress him. Once in a while I try to, but not so often. I never let him win in games. He never lets me win, either. Things get pretty brutal between us. One time, in an intense game of Apples to Apples, our friends had to separate us before we clawed each other. That's how it is with me and him. It's all or nothing. One time, I did get jealous. I'll admit that. A friend of mine had a crush on him and he was thinking about giving her a chance. That didn't go over too well. I got pretty upset. Of course, I talked him out of it. The girl was mad at me for a few days but she got over it. She accused me of liking him. I denied it.
Evan is my best friend. He always will be. We promised each other if we aren't married by the time we're 35, we'll get married. It was a half-joking, half-serious promise. He knows what he wants in life and I admire that. He's pre-med, I'm pre-law. The two of us together? It's like we're an unstopable force. He's passionate about things in life. That's another thing I love about him. He puts his all into things and he doesn't mess around when it comes to what he wants. If he wanted, he could go to the olympics with his swimming. I swear, that boy is that fast. I love watching him swim. I'm not even kidding. It's beautiful. Honestly. The way he moves, the way he glides through the water. He's determined. He's going to make something of his life. He's honest. He's smart. He's handsome. He's a man of God - so incredibly attractive.
Right now I should be sleeping. But I'm not. Instead I'm laying in bed thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. Him. I'm thinking about the way he looked, the way his laugh sounded, and the way he made me smile. I'm thinking about how I wanted to sit there, with him, forever. I'm thinking about the way he's always been there and the way I never want to lose him. I saw him for the first time in months tonight. When I walked into Culver's I found him sitting at a booth slurping down a milkshake. For the first time, my heart skipped a beat.
"Hey." From there, the conversation flew. It was almost like we started right where we left off last time. He told me stories about his roommates at school and I laughed. I giggled when he told me about the way he asked some girl to a banquet. (Secretly I was a bit jealous. But I would never admit that to anyone.) And I comforted him when he confided in me that college wasn't the utopia he had expected. I listened to his tales of life away from home, away from me. And again, I envied the fact that he escaped this town. I envied the people who saw him every day. If I saw him every day, I would be one lucky girl. Then, it was my turn. Not much has happened but I somehow thought of things to tell him. I gave him bits and pieces of my break up. I was with a guy for three years and he ditched me - just like that. Evan said he'd beat that boy for me. I could tell he was serious because his eyes squinted just a tad bit. They always do that when he's thinking about something important. He also told me he'd scare off any guy who tried to get close to me. That's something I love about him. He protects me.
Evan and I met our sophomore year of high school, almost four years ago now. We were in English class together and he was neighbors with my grandparents way back when. I remember how I used to make fun of him as I saw him walk his dog around the block in middle school. My grandma used to try and get me to go talk to him. I always refused. He looked like a dork. My grandma told me he was in the band. That just added to the geek factor. He was tall, lanky, and awkward back then. His glasses were too big for his skinny head and his body too big for his clothes. Anyways, a few years later, that one day during English class I randomly sat next to him. I don't know why. But I did. We hit it off instantly and he became my best friend. It's strange how those kind of things happen. Instant friends, I mean. We didn't have mutual friends at the time. We didn't even have any other classes together. We just ... clicked and that was that. In high school I dated a few boys and had one heavy (and messed up) relationship, but I was always the only girl in his life. Besides his mom, of course. I love that woman. It was me and him, though, for the most part. And I was his girl. We never kissed. I'm not even sure we ever flirted before. I doubt we'd even know how. Instead, we've shared countless amounts of pizzas and bread sticks. We've experienced laughter and tears together. He was my rock when I had no where else to turn. I could, and still can, tell him anything and everything. I've never met a boy so real as Evan.
Sometimes I wonder if he's ever thought about me in a more-than-a-friend kind of way. It's highly unlikely. But I do wonder. Not like I would ever ask him that, of course. We're friends. Just friends. Still. I can't help but wish I knew if he has ever had a crush on me. Does he even find me attractive? And right now I'm asking myself why I'm even thinking these thoughts. I can't like him. That is impossible. My friends used to tell me that one day me and him would end up dating. They used to say that hopefully I won't realize I love him when he's waiting at the end of an aisle for his wife to come down and say "I do". That wouldn't happen. Because I would never fall for him. And yet, here I am, debating in my head if there could ever be anything between us. Tonight, as I watched his lips move, I noticed how soft they look. I bet he's a gentle kisser. I bet he's respectful.
Sparks between us are non-existent. There's never been butterflies in my stomach because of him. I don't get nervous or anxious with him. I don't try to impress him. Once in a while I try to, but not so often. I never let him win in games. He never lets me win, either. Things get pretty brutal between us. One time, in an intense game of Apples to Apples, our friends had to separate us before we clawed each other. That's how it is with me and him. It's all or nothing. One time, I did get jealous. I'll admit that. A friend of mine had a crush on him and he was thinking about giving her a chance. That didn't go over too well. I got pretty upset. Of course, I talked him out of it. The girl was mad at me for a few days but she got over it. She accused me of liking him. I denied it.
Evan is my best friend. He always will be. We promised each other if we aren't married by the time we're 35, we'll get married. It was a half-joking, half-serious promise. He knows what he wants in life and I admire that. He's pre-med, I'm pre-law. The two of us together? It's like we're an unstopable force. He's passionate about things in life. That's another thing I love about him. He puts his all into things and he doesn't mess around when it comes to what he wants. If he wanted, he could go to the olympics with his swimming. I swear, that boy is that fast. I love watching him swim. I'm not even kidding. It's beautiful. Honestly. The way he moves, the way he glides through the water. He's determined. He's going to make something of his life. He's honest. He's smart. He's handsome. He's a man of God - so incredibly attractive.
Right now I should be sleeping. But I'm not. Instead I'm laying in bed thinking about things I shouldn't be thinking about. Him. I'm thinking about the way he looked, the way his laugh sounded, and the way he made me smile. I'm thinking about how I wanted to sit there, with him, forever. I'm thinking about the way he's always been there and the way I never want to lose him. I saw him for the first time in months tonight. When I walked into Culver's I found him sitting at a booth slurping down a milkshake. For the first time, my heart skipped a beat.