Lies and Broken Smiles
22
Ever since Alice's pool party I've been going crazy, wondering what to wear, I like Dante though I shouldn't have these feelings. I'm afraid to fall, I'm afraid I'll be hurt.
I've also been going crazy with weigh I can't be fat and I have lost again, finally 90 pounds.
Jess knocks on my door.
"What you doing?" She ask when I let her in
"Looking for something to wear." Dante invited me out
Dante called last night he will be coming over tomorrow we are gonna go see a movie.
"Wow Cali you're so thin, please don't lose anymore,"
"Jess, it's not so easy."
"Just eat Calista."
"It's not as easy as everybody thinks." I'm whine, so much for being happy
"You're dying, I'm watching you waste away in front of my eyes, this has to stop, you need to tell mum."
"Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare Jess, I'll never talk to you again!"
"You think you're the only one affected? Well you're not, I worry about you every fucking day!"
Jess yells and I'm stunned she's never yelled at me before
"You can't." I'm pleading now "You can't I'll go eat something right now just don't"
"You can't throw up either,"
My brain crashes, what do I do, I can work out.
"Okay." I say
Jessica smiles, and leads me down stairs, and I make both of us, some veggie burgers, I put cheese and lots of lettuce on mine, and make one for Jess.
"Here you happy."
"Yes." She says
My stomach hurts I don't want this
Veggie pattie (90) bread (120) lettuce (30) = (240)
I force down the first bite, making Jess smile, she eats faster then me.
Why is it so easy for her, why is it so hard for me, by the time she's done I've finished a quarter.
"Please Jess no more." I whine I can't stand this feeling, my stomach feels huge
"A little more."
"I can't." I whine
"I'll tell mum and dad." She says
"I fucking hate you."
After millions of curse words and insults she lets me go with half the burger.
"Now you have to sit here so I can make sure you don't throw up."
Shit forgot about that part, I fidget and Jess yells at me to stop.
"Can I at least look for clothes."
"I don't think you want me to watch you dress."
"You're a stupid little bitch!" I yell
I be quite and watch t.v. with Jess for half an hour then she finally lets me go.
It's to late in my mind to purge, I want to but it's to late.
I figure I should try to forget it and look at some clothes and the minute I put on one outfit I feel so sick. I'm huge, why can't just one thing look good on me. I'm never gonna look good.
I stomp over to Jessica's room and look at her through rage filled eyes.
"Look at what you did to me! I'm massive."
She takes it and doesn't stop me, instead she gets up and hugs me.
"You're not massive, you don't need to doing this to yourself."
I just sob, I can't do this shit anymore, but I can't stop, how do you stop?
How do you force yourself when you're so scared of the stupidest thing.
I've also been going crazy with weigh I can't be fat and I have lost again, finally 90 pounds.
Jess knocks on my door.
"What you doing?" She ask when I let her in
"Looking for something to wear." Dante invited me out
Dante called last night he will be coming over tomorrow we are gonna go see a movie.
"Wow Cali you're so thin, please don't lose anymore,"
"Jess, it's not so easy."
"Just eat Calista."
"It's not as easy as everybody thinks." I'm whine, so much for being happy
"You're dying, I'm watching you waste away in front of my eyes, this has to stop, you need to tell mum."
"Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare Jess, I'll never talk to you again!"
"You think you're the only one affected? Well you're not, I worry about you every fucking day!"
Jess yells and I'm stunned she's never yelled at me before
"You can't." I'm pleading now "You can't I'll go eat something right now just don't"
"You can't throw up either,"
My brain crashes, what do I do, I can work out.
"Okay." I say
Jessica smiles, and leads me down stairs, and I make both of us, some veggie burgers, I put cheese and lots of lettuce on mine, and make one for Jess.
"Here you happy."
"Yes." She says
My stomach hurts I don't want this
Veggie pattie (90) bread (120) lettuce (30) = (240)
I force down the first bite, making Jess smile, she eats faster then me.
Why is it so easy for her, why is it so hard for me, by the time she's done I've finished a quarter.
"Please Jess no more." I whine I can't stand this feeling, my stomach feels huge
"A little more."
"I can't." I whine
"I'll tell mum and dad." She says
"I fucking hate you."
After millions of curse words and insults she lets me go with half the burger.
"Now you have to sit here so I can make sure you don't throw up."
Shit forgot about that part, I fidget and Jess yells at me to stop.
"Can I at least look for clothes."
"I don't think you want me to watch you dress."
"You're a stupid little bitch!" I yell
I be quite and watch t.v. with Jess for half an hour then she finally lets me go.
It's to late in my mind to purge, I want to but it's to late.
I figure I should try to forget it and look at some clothes and the minute I put on one outfit I feel so sick. I'm huge, why can't just one thing look good on me. I'm never gonna look good.
I stomp over to Jessica's room and look at her through rage filled eyes.
"Look at what you did to me! I'm massive."
She takes it and doesn't stop me, instead she gets up and hugs me.
"You're not massive, you don't need to doing this to yourself."
I just sob, I can't do this shit anymore, but I can't stop, how do you stop?
How do you force yourself when you're so scared of the stupidest thing.