Lies and Broken Smiles
05
I woke up in the nurse’s office, her brown eyes peering at me from across the room, she sat in her office chair just looking at me.
“What happened?” I asked no one in particular
The nurse stood up. She looked angry.
‘Calista! Have you eaten today?” She asked
“O-of course I have.” I lied caught off gaurd I’m sure she could tell.
“Then why is your blood sugar freakishly low?” She asked hands on her hips.
“I- I don’t know?” I said pushing myself up into a sitting position, to fast the world before me went spinning, I closed my eyes trying to ignore it and the sensation that joined seconds after.
I heard the nurse open up the fridge and pour something into a cup. As soon as I opened my eyes she shoved a cup at me
“Drink” She demanded
I looked down at the orange liquid
“What is it?” I asked trying to buy myself more time, time so I could think of a way out of this, but was there a way?
“It’s orange juice, Calista!” I could tell she was trying not to roll her eyes at my pathetic
attempt
“I’ve seen a lot of girls like you. They go on crash diets to try and lose a few pounds. It doesn’t work you know!” She once again shoved the cup in my face
“Drink”
I slowly took the cup from her hands there was nothing to say, and then just like that I felt a sudden anger boil up inside of me.
Her words rang threw my head. A broken disc repeating itself.
“I’ve seen a lot of girls like you. They go on crash diets to try and lose a few pounds. It doesn’t work you know.”
Of course I knew. I wanted to yell.
“This is not a diet!”
I wish this was an attempt to lose a few pounds! It’s not though it may look like it to the outside world but that’s not what it’s all about.
By the time my mind had finally calmed down the orange juice was on the floor and the paper cup crushed in my hands.
“Miss Airheart! I will pour you another glass this time I ask that you drink it and don’t try any
tricks or I will be forced to call your parents.”
I received another cup of the orange drink. I forced it down before throwing it out.
“Good. Now lunch starts in 10 minutes just wait here till then.” She smiled
While the nurse sat there in her office chair doing filing work. The ‘voices’ started up and I started to feel anxious.
‘How many calories are in that crap?’ “Will I gain?’ It kept repeating itself over and over and I wanted it to stop!
I started to try and control the panic attack I felt coming on
“I need to use the restroom!”
I ran out of the room before she could say anything and found my way to the nearest restroom. I then locked myself in a stall and sat down. I then started talking to myself
“Calm down Cali! It’s nothing. You haven’t had anything today so it’s not going to be bad I promise.” Yet the words did not give comfort.
Tears that were threatening to fall clouded my vision, a few managed to escape leaving a wet trail down my cheeks.
After what felt like hours but was only a few minutes I finally started to calm down. I took one more deep breath before finally unlocking the stall door and washing my hands and face.
I reapplied my makeup after I deicided that it was good enough I left. Now if only I felt that way.
“What happened?” I asked no one in particular
The nurse stood up. She looked angry.
‘Calista! Have you eaten today?” She asked
“O-of course I have.” I lied caught off gaurd I’m sure she could tell.
“Then why is your blood sugar freakishly low?” She asked hands on her hips.
“I- I don’t know?” I said pushing myself up into a sitting position, to fast the world before me went spinning, I closed my eyes trying to ignore it and the sensation that joined seconds after.
I heard the nurse open up the fridge and pour something into a cup. As soon as I opened my eyes she shoved a cup at me
“Drink” She demanded
I looked down at the orange liquid
“What is it?” I asked trying to buy myself more time, time so I could think of a way out of this, but was there a way?
“It’s orange juice, Calista!” I could tell she was trying not to roll her eyes at my pathetic
attempt
“I’ve seen a lot of girls like you. They go on crash diets to try and lose a few pounds. It doesn’t work you know!” She once again shoved the cup in my face
“Drink”
I slowly took the cup from her hands there was nothing to say, and then just like that I felt a sudden anger boil up inside of me.
Her words rang threw my head. A broken disc repeating itself.
“I’ve seen a lot of girls like you. They go on crash diets to try and lose a few pounds. It doesn’t work you know.”
Of course I knew. I wanted to yell.
“This is not a diet!”
I wish this was an attempt to lose a few pounds! It’s not though it may look like it to the outside world but that’s not what it’s all about.
By the time my mind had finally calmed down the orange juice was on the floor and the paper cup crushed in my hands.
“Miss Airheart! I will pour you another glass this time I ask that you drink it and don’t try any
tricks or I will be forced to call your parents.”
I received another cup of the orange drink. I forced it down before throwing it out.
“Good. Now lunch starts in 10 minutes just wait here till then.” She smiled
While the nurse sat there in her office chair doing filing work. The ‘voices’ started up and I started to feel anxious.
‘How many calories are in that crap?’ “Will I gain?’ It kept repeating itself over and over and I wanted it to stop!
I started to try and control the panic attack I felt coming on
“I need to use the restroom!”
I ran out of the room before she could say anything and found my way to the nearest restroom. I then locked myself in a stall and sat down. I then started talking to myself
“Calm down Cali! It’s nothing. You haven’t had anything today so it’s not going to be bad I promise.” Yet the words did not give comfort.
Tears that were threatening to fall clouded my vision, a few managed to escape leaving a wet trail down my cheeks.
After what felt like hours but was only a few minutes I finally started to calm down. I took one more deep breath before finally unlocking the stall door and washing my hands and face.
I reapplied my makeup after I deicided that it was good enough I left. Now if only I felt that way.