My Diary Is a Story
My Diary is a Story
Write a story about a lesbian girl and her troubles with society and religion. So what, you want my life story? My life story of the past two years? Two years in which I have been shunned by everyone. Recall the torment. Fine but excuse the ‘bad’ language, but these are quotes from my diary.
1.6.08
Hell, I think I have a crush on her. I can’t stop thinking about her and when she calls or texts I feel all... nice I guess so I'm bisexual. That will annoy the shit out of my parents. They are homophobes, just won’t admit it.
That’s the first mention of be being gay. I know it was before then I realised I like this beautiful girl. I’d sit on my floor and cut my wrists as I couldn’t answer a simple question: Are you gay Joanne?
16.6.08
She asked me out. I'm so happy! I have a girlfriend! I’m so happy!
Yeah we get it, your happy. It was only the day before and I promised myself to do something about it by the end of the week. People were already taking the piss out me, so I thought I give them an actual sound reason to do so. I unleashed hell, but I’m a freak of nature. Go against God, but now I realise God is a cunt. But two years ago, I knew this not and let my peers drove me to such crazy dark places.
2.7.08
Made it through another day – nearly. Got through school – that’s something. I just want to kill myself. Drown. Hang. I don’t care how! I just need to die. Away from all this shit.
See what homophobia does to a person. Just a bit of bullying. Yep, that’s right. Just a little bit can make a girl suicidal and hate herself so much she kills herself. I know. If you’re dead how are you writing this? Well, I killed of Joanne. She was in a coma after the bit of bulling. But she’d wake every so often to let me know I was a freak. So I switched of life support. Attended the funeral. So I tried to be me. Anna
9.1.09
In trying to be me, I have realised we live life by regretting the past, dreaming the future... what is the point?
6.3.09
Is it normal to find comfort in the knowledge that one day I’ll die?
No, Anna. I only have one more diary entry, and then I gave up. I give up so much. Can’t even finish a diary. But I will finish this. A snapshot of what homophobia and god has done to me.
12.03.09
Black. It consumes my being and plagues e mind. Smiles I laugh are short lived and forced. Tears threaten to stain cheeks. Emotions run wild, a tempest in me mind. Putting pen to paper is easy, but capturing the thoughts that flutter weak, like my heart, is hard.
Two years after the beginning of all this shit, I can capture those words. I feel annoyed, pissed off and alone. But less confused. Remember that question. Well, I can answer it now perfectly coherent. Yes I am lesbian. Thus making a freak. The sinner. I am going to hell, and I like it. My middle finger up at God and his judging, “fuck you” being screamed to loud and venomously, the devil will be impressed. Yes, fictional charters will aspire to be me. But I will do this because it is god and his teachings that have set there ways into modern society that do not fit yet still exist. Such ways that make the kid sit in the corner of RS lessons with their head hung in shame when homosexuals and religion are mention, for she knows that those religions are not going to like her. Told to be a hypocrite and write against her point of view. It’s always fun to be hypocrite. Fun to be hated. Fun to hate yourself.
A good enough story? Capture the emotions well. I hope I have written an enjoyable story. I like it, I find pleasure in it, reading through my diary and asking why no one noticed how fucked up I was, well, I still am aren’t I? No one sane would write out their diary for others to read...
1.6.08
Hell, I think I have a crush on her. I can’t stop thinking about her and when she calls or texts I feel all... nice I guess so I'm bisexual. That will annoy the shit out of my parents. They are homophobes, just won’t admit it.
That’s the first mention of be being gay. I know it was before then I realised I like this beautiful girl. I’d sit on my floor and cut my wrists as I couldn’t answer a simple question: Are you gay Joanne?
16.6.08
She asked me out. I'm so happy! I have a girlfriend! I’m so happy!
Yeah we get it, your happy. It was only the day before and I promised myself to do something about it by the end of the week. People were already taking the piss out me, so I thought I give them an actual sound reason to do so. I unleashed hell, but I’m a freak of nature. Go against God, but now I realise God is a cunt. But two years ago, I knew this not and let my peers drove me to such crazy dark places.
2.7.08
Made it through another day – nearly. Got through school – that’s something. I just want to kill myself. Drown. Hang. I don’t care how! I just need to die. Away from all this shit.
See what homophobia does to a person. Just a bit of bullying. Yep, that’s right. Just a little bit can make a girl suicidal and hate herself so much she kills herself. I know. If you’re dead how are you writing this? Well, I killed of Joanne. She was in a coma after the bit of bulling. But she’d wake every so often to let me know I was a freak. So I switched of life support. Attended the funeral. So I tried to be me. Anna
9.1.09
In trying to be me, I have realised we live life by regretting the past, dreaming the future... what is the point?
6.3.09
Is it normal to find comfort in the knowledge that one day I’ll die?
No, Anna. I only have one more diary entry, and then I gave up. I give up so much. Can’t even finish a diary. But I will finish this. A snapshot of what homophobia and god has done to me.
12.03.09
Black. It consumes my being and plagues e mind. Smiles I laugh are short lived and forced. Tears threaten to stain cheeks. Emotions run wild, a tempest in me mind. Putting pen to paper is easy, but capturing the thoughts that flutter weak, like my heart, is hard.
Two years after the beginning of all this shit, I can capture those words. I feel annoyed, pissed off and alone. But less confused. Remember that question. Well, I can answer it now perfectly coherent. Yes I am lesbian. Thus making a freak. The sinner. I am going to hell, and I like it. My middle finger up at God and his judging, “fuck you” being screamed to loud and venomously, the devil will be impressed. Yes, fictional charters will aspire to be me. But I will do this because it is god and his teachings that have set there ways into modern society that do not fit yet still exist. Such ways that make the kid sit in the corner of RS lessons with their head hung in shame when homosexuals and religion are mention, for she knows that those religions are not going to like her. Told to be a hypocrite and write against her point of view. It’s always fun to be hypocrite. Fun to be hated. Fun to hate yourself.
A good enough story? Capture the emotions well. I hope I have written an enjoyable story. I like it, I find pleasure in it, reading through my diary and asking why no one noticed how fucked up I was, well, I still am aren’t I? No one sane would write out their diary for others to read...