I've lost my fear of falling

THEY WERE NEVER MY FRIENDS I WAS LIVING A LIE

Ashton laced her shoes and a strange feeling of deja vu crept over her. She shivered and shook then continued through her routine. She applied gel to her hair for the last time, she'd already fixed and re-fixed her hair twice. She pulled her clothes on then looked herself over in the mirror.

She adjusted her shirt so that both her sleeves hung at the same length. She looked herself over again then sighed. She clashed, once again.

"Oh! I almost forgot my backpack!" She said then darted to her closet. Judging by the overcrowded appearance of her closet, anyone would have to dig through clothes, backpacks, shoes, and cd's to find anything. But oddly, she knew right where it was.

The phone started ringing the second she pulled her bag out of the 'black hole'.

The answering machine picked up as she drug her bag to the nightstand.

"Hey Girl-" Cayden's cheerful voice echoed through her room.

Ashton quickly picked up the phone, "Hey."

"What's up?"

"Getting ready to go out with Craig."

"Oh! Have fun!" Cayden said.

By now the feeling of Deja Vu was about to drive her crazy.

"I always have fun with Craig." she replied.

"I know, geez."

Ashton laughed.

She quickly said bye to Cayden, explaining she had to be at Craig's in a few minuted.

Ashton put her back pack on and ran out of the house before her mom had a chance to stop her.

Ashton's stomach did a cartwheel...a cartwheel from hell. 360 degree turn from extremely excited to worried. She turned her thoughts to another subject and went on.

She pushed her Armor for Sleep cd into the cd player in her jeep then backed into the street.

She drove recklessly but quickly stopped when she saw a mess of police cars surrounding the bridge up ahead.

"Well, someone wrecked." She told herself then kept driving. There was something familiar about the car being lifted from the water.

She kept driving, telling herself that she didn't know that car, over and over again until she believed it.

Her cellphone rang causing her to jump out of her skin.

Shame, shame on me.

"Yes!" She answered hatefully. She didn't mean to.

"Ashton! Did you pass a wreck or anything?!" Cayden asked worriedly. Cayden never worried, never.

"Uh, yeah. Why?"

"Craig's..." As soon as these words left Cayden's mouth Ashton slammed on her brakes and her heart nearly stopped. She suddenly realized why that car was familiar.

"What about Craig?!" Ashton's voice was scared and panicky.

"He's not answering his phone and Mrs. Avery can't find him anywhere. He left for your house half-an-hour ago.”

"I'll call you later." Ashton said then hung up.

Ashton did a u-turn on the small one lane road then sped back to the accident.

The cops were gone, everyone was gone. The only evidence an accident even occurred was the broken guardrails and the wet spot where they pulled the car out of the water.

I WAS PUT HERE FOR YOU

It's been a week since Craig passed away, Ashton's life had been torn apart at the seams. She didn't go to his funeral, she couldn't bring herself to even leave the house. She went to school but everyone of her friends blamed her for what happened. She stopped hanging out with them. She spent her time alone in the library. Cayden called her every night, just to make sure she was okay.

Her usual routine was abandoned. She spent her spare time laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling instead of playing video games with Craig like she used to.

The leaves were turning red and orange. The temperature was dropping and Ashton was thankful.

She moved over on the bed and turned the TV on. That 70's show was playing. She yawned then welcomed the mindless humor. Her phone rang, she reached over and grabbed it. She looked at the caller id: Craig's Cell.

Her heart raced. She quickly answered it.

"Hello?" She asked hesitantly.

There was nothing, just static. She shrugged and hung up. She never let the phone get far from her for the rest of the night.

Since Craig had died she had only been to his house once. To get her things and the stuff Craig had left her. His mom wouldn't even let her in the house. She knew it was a mistake to even go over there.

She found herself regretting the day she'd met him, she regretted even talking to him. If she wouldn't have talked to him then he'd still be alive.

It was his time to go.

She fell asleep thinking about Craig. She couldn't get him off her mind. She woke up to a tapping on her window. She rubbed her eyes then glanced at her alarm clock: 2:48 A.M..

She looked over at her window and her heart stopped. Craig was at her window. She ran over and opened it.

"Craig!" She said happily and went to hug him but her arms passed through him. Her expression dropped.

"Shh..." He said.

"Why?" She asked sadly.

"Can I come in or not?" He asked.

She nodded eagerly and let him. He floated into the room.

"Stop staring at me like that." He said through his laughter.

"Like what? Like your a ghost?!" She said, half scared, half happy.

"Exactly, your a smart girl." He said, smiling.

He was the same Craig he always was.

"I've missed you." She said, on the verge of tears.

"I miss you too but I cant stay forever."

"Why not?"

"Because, I was only granted a little while to come back and make sure you were okay. Are you okay?"

She shook her head no.

"Why not?"

"Everyone blamed me for what happened. They said I was the reason you died and I messed up and I shouldn't have met you."

"Well. I believe I'll pay them a little visit, they'll regret saying that."

"No, Craig. They're right."

"No they're not, Ashton!"

"Shut up, Craig!" She yelled right back.

There was a knock on her door.

"What?" She asked angrily.

"Are you okay in there? Sounds like you've finally lost it." Her mom said. Her voice was deep and husky from years of smoking.

"I'm not crazy, Mom! Go away!" She yelled. Her mom mumbled something then retreated.

"Do you even talk to anyone from the group anymore?" He asked.

"Its weird to see you all glowing and hovering. It creeps me out." She said, trying to avoid the conversation.

"Stop changing the subject. Do you talk to any of our old friends anymore?" He asked again, this time using a more stern voice.

"No. Well, Cayden calls everyday just to check on me. I spend the rest of my time alone." She said, trying to hold back tears.

"I always knew she was a good-en.” He said then laughed.

“Yeah, she’s great.”

“Listen, I'm only here for a few more hours. I'm gonna go wreak havoc on some people who deserve it right now. I’ll be back later, love.” He said then went back through the open window.

IF THIS IS A DREAM MAYBE YOU’LL STAY WITH ME

Ashton lay asleep on her bed when Craig came back, she’d left the window open for him. He laughed because he didn't need it.

“Ashton. Wake up.” He said softly as he hovered over her.

She rolled over and slowly opened her eyes.

“Craig!” She said excitedly then sat up.

“It’s me.” He said, smiling.

“What did you do?” She asked then turned the TV on.

“I went and paid a little visit to our friends. I don't think they’ll be bothering you any longer.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“Craig?” Ashton asked quietly.

“Ashton?” He mocked.

“Stop it! I'm trying to ask a serious question!”

“Okay, I’ll stop.” He said seriously, though a small smile was playing on his lips.

“What’s it like in heaven?”

“It rains all day long, it’s cold, Jesus is a bit taller than I expected, and he’s a better person than you think. You should get to know him. He did let me come down here after all. He said that for everyone else heaven is sunny and bright, but that it wont be for me until you get there.” Craig explained.

“Why?”

“Because I love you and you’re my soul mate.”

“Oh. I love you too.”

“You’ve always made it a point to say I love you back no matter how it was used in a sentence.”

“Because I didn't want you to die without knowing I loved you too. I was scared that the one time I didn't say I loved you too would be the day you died.”

“It didn't happen.”

Ashton smiled, “Good.”

“Is my mom still the bitch she used to be?”

“More.”

He laughed.

“Why did you go?”

Craig’s face turned serious, “I didn't want to. The last thing I wanted to do was leave you. I guess it was just my time to go. I'm sorry, I didn't want to leave you. You wont be alone I promise I’ll be with you wherever you go. Like a fly on the wall.”

Ashton cried, “I want you to be the one I'm with forever.”

“You will be with me forever, in heaven for ever.”

“What if I cant get to heaven?”

“I’ll go to hell.”

“No. Don't you do that! Craig Avery if you do that I will not speak to you.”

“I’ll do it anyway. You cant resist me.”

She laughed, “I cant.”

The light that had been glowing around Craig suddenly flickered and went out.

“Craig...y-your light went out.” Ashton said.

“Its time for me to go back to heaven. Remember, if you can make it to heaven we’ll be together. I’ll be watching you. I love you more than anything.”

“I love you too.” She said as tears flowed down her face.

“Bye Ashton.”

“Bye Craigery.” She said.

Suddenly Craig disappeared into a flash of light. There was a small stone laying where he was, it was shaped like a heart. She picked it up and stuffed it into her pocket. She ran over to her closet, found a pair of jeans Craig had left at her house, tugged them on over her pajama shorts and grabbed her hoodie. She pulled it over her head as she ran out of her room. She ran out the front door and started down the street.

She pulled her iPod out of her hoodie pocket and turned Waves Goodbye on and jogged to the cemetery where they buried Craig.

She found his gravestone and sat down next to it. She picked up the letter she’d left for him and read over it again.

Craig,

I don't know why you left me. And I guess I never will. I just wanted you to know that I miss you more than I ever thought I could. More than that time you had to go to summer camp.

I love you, I never really had the guts to tell you but your my best friend and I always thought we’d end up married one day. I guess that wont happen now.

If by some odd chance you get this, know that one day I’ll be there with you. I promise to live my life the best way I know how. I’ve lost my fear of falling, I will be with you.

xoxo
Ashton.

He didn't need to hear that anymore, she’d changed her mind. She crumpled up the letter and stuffed it in her pocket. She walked back home, she didn't feel so sad anymore.