I'm Not Letting Go

(Pete)

When I found out what Frank had done, I wanted to kill him.
Not only kill him, but make it painful and long and suffering.
I wanted him to hurt as much as he had hurt Dakota.
I wanted him to cry even more than Dakota.

Dakota didn’t deserve to cry, especially over him and what he had done.

She said “he had only done because he thought we were hooking up. Isn’t that ridiculous, us hooking up?”

When she said that with a laugh, my heart sunk a little.

Why did she think it was a joke, something to laugh at?

She’d been coming to my house every night since the incident with the Ativan.

She would come have dinner with my parents and my brother, who was still in high school, and she would talk to them about everything and they loved having her over.
They were never that way with Jeanae, they would make the hugest deal if I wanted her over, and when she did actually come over, it would be beyond awkward and painful, we would just kinda sit there in the uncomfortable silence.

Then after dinner, me and Dakota would go up to my room, just kinda chill. I’d put on on a movie for her to watch, because I sure as hell wasn’t going to watch a movie I’ve probably seen a million times when the girl of my dreams is sitting next to me.

Then at some point, she would fall asleep, and then I would take out my notebook, and write lyrics until she woke up around 1 and left because she didn’t want Frank to worry. And on the rare chance I fell asleep, she left a note saying the same exact thing every time:

Dear Pete,

Didn’t want to wake you, because u hardly ever sleep. Went back home, just so Frank won’t freak, as much as I wanted to stay. See you very very soon, be good well I’m gone.

Love Dakota :P

I always felt like she was writing it for her not to worry, which I know she did anyway.

But I remember the night she left and came back after what he did.

She had to everything she could to keep me from finding him and killing him, but all she really had to do was cry in my arms and fall asleep right there, but that was enough to make me stay, because I knew I couldn’t leave her like that.

(Dakota)

Not only had he cheated on me, but he blamed it on me.

He said “Well, I thought you were with Pete, and so I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”

Just because he THOUGHT I was with, he thought this was okay. How could he think such a ludicrous thing, even though I secretly wanted it to be, I knew it never would be in a million years.

That infamous night after I caught Frank and kicked him out, I went back to Pete’s. I just lay in his arms and told him everything, well about Frank anyway. I cried, a lot. I could tell he wanted to go rip Frank’s head off, but I just held him tighter and fell asleep.

I have to admit, I was relieved that things were over with Frank. I was just done with him; I had outgrown him, and outgrown him being a distraction.

I wanted Pete now, and nothing else. I was set for that, and I wouldn’t let anything get in my way.

But then, Pete got in my way.

(Pete)

I remember her talking about how we were going to spend the whole summer together, and have so much fun.

But I also remember when she yelled at me for not telling sooner that I could not spend the summer with because this “Fall Out Boy thing”, as she so lovingly called it, was recording its second record, in California. And I decided to wait and tell her the day before we were.

She flipped, to say the least. She cried a lot, may be even more than when she broke up with Frank, and in a weird and completely twisted way, that made me happy.

Not, of course that she was crying or sad, but that she was sadder to see me leave than Frank.

I went to California, that summer, hoping to make this album, and return to Dakota as soon as possible, but very quickly, I changed my mind.
I decided that I shouldn’t make her wait for me and that as much as I want her, I don’t have the patience to wait for her either.

So I went to my old ways, dating almost any girl that fell for my charm, and not really wanting anything special, but I needed a distraction from Dakota, just so I was happy enough not to kill myself or, worst, run back her like a pussy.

And it was nothing ever serious, until Michelle. Which made me move there, because for the first time, it felt like more than a just something to past the time with, with the exception of Jeanae.

So, at the rightful age of 26, I moved out of my parents house, and into Los Angles with Michelle, leaving Dakota behind.

(Dakota)
He left me. He left me here in this dreamless, hopeless city, for when he left, he took all my hopes and dreams.

He decided not to tell me that he was leaving, until the day he was doing so. I guess, looking back on it, it was probably for the better, avoiding all those fights and great times we had had over the last few weeks.

But he ruined it all by leaving me here in the promise that he would come back as soon they finished the album.

So I decided to be a good girl while he was gone, but he was the complete opposite, dating every slut he saw like it was going out of style.

I thought it was just another one of his phases, at least that’s what Patrick, Joe, and Andy would say every time I talked to them over the phone.

But then he moved out of here and in there with his precious Michelle.

Leaving, no rather throwing me down on the ground and kicking me to the side.

Pete had broken he again, but shortly, someone would be there to pick up the pieces.