I'm Not Letting Go

(Pete)

To say that I was scared shitless, was putting it nicely.

I was so nervous, not only that I was getting married too fast to Ashlee, but this meant that I was never going to be with Dakota.

And that’s what scared me and made the most nervous out everything in the whole world; that I would never get to call Dakota mine forever and ever.

But there I sat anyway, an hour before the wedding scared and nervous, reading over the vows.

Ashlee had planned the whole thing to be an Alice in Wonderland theme.

It looked really cool. Everything looked perfectly in place
except for me.

It had everything she wanted and what I needed, Hemingway and my best friends, which I had to fight for some to be there.

But I fought the hardest for Dakota to be.

I wouldn’t let the “happiest day of my life” happen with the only real person that matter be there.

I fought tooth and nail for her and she was “there” but not really, at least not the Dakota I wanted to be there.

I also know it was the wedding that she would have wanted, but it was the wedding I always wanted too, because she wanted it. It was perfect, even down to the photo booth, the only thing wrong was, I was that taking the wrong girl home at the end of the night.

I knew it would hurt her, but it was what I needed to make through the night.

I had also chosen OUR song for my wedding song. I knew she remembered it was our song, how could she not, she had made it on my mix tape, even labeling it “Pete’s lullaby”.

If only she had known how true that was, I had fallen asleep dreaming of her every night since she made for until I moved in with Ashlee.

I knew it would hurt, but I wanted it to, so she could me and I could hate, and then, hopefully, we could both move on.

I was doing both of us a favor.

(Dakota)

So he actually made to the pulpit and said “I do” with a straight face.

But that wasn’t what surprised me the most; it was that I didn’t scream at the top of my lungs when Mr. Simpson, who officiated the ceremony, asked if anyone objected to this union.

Not only did I not say anything, but no one else did either.

We all still hadn’t told him that the kid wasn’t his, but it was not my place to tell him in front of everyone at his wedding.

To tell you the truth, I was surprised when we even got the invitation.

I assumed that Pete wanted Brendon, who had become one of his best friends, to be there, but for me to be there, he must have begged on that one. But I was glad to go; I wanted to see one of my best friends have a happy for the first time in a long time, even if I knew that he was only smiling because of drugs and lies.

I was also surprised that the wedding actually looked really cool.

I was totally prepared to hate every little thing that Ashlee had so carefully put inside this mad house, but it was probably the coolest wedding I have ever seen.

It was perfect in every scene, except for that she was the one in white, in his arms, with the ring on her finger, and him wrapped around her finger too. And it wasn’t me, and that’s why I looked sad that night, even though I put on a smile so no one would know.

But of course, he and everyone else who knew I still loved him could tell that I was beyond depressed.

They had the perfect wedding. It was everything I wanted, like everything Pete wanted, but nothing like Ashlee would ever want.

It was like the way I had told Pete I would want my wedding to be. I remember being too angry to truly enjoy the beauty of it all. But the worst part wasn’t that this was basically the wedding I wanted since I was five, and the only person I had ever told it to was Pete, and he decided to take that wedding and have it with another, no the worst part was, he used OUR song was their wedding song!

The Bright Eyes- First Day of My Life, I remember the first time I heard it, and saw the video.
It reminded me exactly of what me and Pete could and should be.
It reminded me of the feeling when I first saw Pete.

And right then and there he was using it to with her.

He knew it was our song.

I gave it to him on a mix tape, and I labeled this song “Pete's lullaby”.

Right then I knew she was more than a replacement or distraction; he was trying to make her a duplicate of me.

And that hurt even more, because I could handle the fact that he wanted another girl, but I couldn’t handle that he wanted to make her like me, because he was stuck with her.

(Patrick)

He was scared, I could tell.

She was broken, I could tell even better.

They were both miserable, looking like someone just died.

And something did just die, all their hopes of being together, and that was a lot of hopes.

I knew, as long as did just about everyone else, that they still love each other. Even Helen Keller would have been able to see that they loved each other.

They were both in their own little dysfunctional relationships.
Pete was marrying a girl who he thought was having his baby, but she actually having her ex-boyfriends baby, who she cheated on him with while we were in Chile.
Dakota was in a relationship that looked perfectly normal to someone who didn’t know them like I do. She was engaged to a man that made her happy, but not as happy as Pete did.

And also you could tell Brendon and Ashlee were no happier being with them.
They all felt like they had no other choice but to be with these people, because it was expected from them.

I remember the day of the wedding.

Pete had helped Ashlee, giving random ideas of what wanted and want he didn’t want.

But it was obvious; these were none of his ideas.

I know this because I knew these were Dakota’s.

She had told him, and he of course told me, everything she wanted her wedding day to be like, and that’s exactly what this was.

it ended up killing Dakota.