Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Jade's POV

It was a normal day in Lutherville when I opened my eyes and stared out of my window from my position in the warmth of my bedsheets. Everything was perfect; the sun was shining on the newly sprinkled snow, causing it to shine obnoxiously bright in my eyes when I looked at it, children were playing in the mounds of snow their parents had freshly shoveled, and cars were honking their horns and yelling obscene things to the drivers in front of them. All in all, it was a perfect and similar day in my life.

That morning, I bounced down the stairs, pushing thoughts of today's date out of my head, and hopped into the kitchen, where my twin sister sat, her head in her hands. I pushed that aside as well; nothing was ruining my day today, I wouldn't allow anything to. Aunt Clara was standing behind the counter, her hands pressed firmly at its tile top as I circled around her to grab a pop tart from the cabinet. I smiled, pulling the wrapper off the breakfast treat and dug into its goodness, my smile broadening as I did so.

“Good morning,” I mumbled out through the pop tart that had collected in my mouth. Bailey looked up then from her hands, a confused look on her tear stained face as she and Clara looked at me quizzically. I waved to both of them, eating another mouthful of pop tart before beginning to speak once more, “Alex and the guys are coming over to come pick me up in a couple seconds. We're gonna head over to Rian's house so I can watch them rehearse for their gig tomorrow.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea, honey?” I raised an eyebrow at Clara, placing the remaining pop tart next to the sink, brushing my hands off as the doorbell rang.

“Yeah, why wouldn't it be?” I asked, walking around her and towards the hallway, where I opened the front door to be greeted by four smiling faces.

“Hey, Jay Bird.” Alex grinned, pulling me into a hug, which I gratefully returned. The cycle continued; myself earning a hug from each boy and a hello before I reached down to pick up my shoes.

“Jade,” I looked up to meet the red and puffy eyes of my sister, causing an eerie silence to fall amidst the group. Looking up, I saw the boys mouths part slightly as they took in the appearance of my younger sister; they had never seen her in such a depressing state. My eyes fell upon Zack, knowing that he had a deeper connection to my sister than anyone else and his reaction would be more meaningful than the others.

His face showed that in this very moment he wanted to pull her into his arms and squeeze all of the tears out of her body, because it looked like he never wanted her to be sad ever again. The rest of his face, however, showed off the curiosity and confusion that the rest of the boys facial expressions held. But to me, every emotion his face had caused a little bit more annoyance bite back at me.

It seemed like every day back in Essex, Bailey had walked down the stairs with tears stains down her cheeks and the look she held now almost seemed permanent; the red, puffy eyes now a new part of her daily wardrobe, and, to be honest, I was a little sick of it.

“What, Jazz?” I asked impatiently; I just wanted to leave. I just wanted to push back the thoughts that were gathering to the front of my brain once more.

I wanted to maintain that perfectly normal day.

I had known that this day was slowly approaching, and when it had finally arrived, I just wanted to go on like it was every other, normal day for me. And, to everyone else, it was a normal day. I had to remind myself that, to the people here in Lutherville, minus my aunt and sister, there should be absolutely nothing wrong right now, which included a tearless sister. But, obviously, that wasn't happening, and slowly my perfect day was becoming less spotless.

“Clara-”

“What about her?” I interrupted Bailey, tugging on my left shoe and lacing it up quickly.

“Honey,” Aunt Clara appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at me as I stood up to face her, my back to the boys who stood awkwardly in the hallway, “I don't think you should go out today.”

“Why?” I asked angrily; I knew why, but, like always, I didn't want to admit that this time, I might be wrong in my judgment, “You're not my mom, you don't have a say in what I can and can't do.”

“Honey, you know you need to stay home. You're not stable enough to be out right now,” Clara pleaded, taking a step towards me in hopes of convincing me to stay in the house.

I backed up a couple steps, “I'm perfectly fine. I'm stable. I'm standing, aren't I?” I spat back, crossing my arms over my chest.

Aunt Clara shook her head, clasping her hands together in front of her, “But Jade, you know you're not stable enough to go out. Do you even want to acknowledge what day today is?” A choked sob sounded from Bailey as she covered her mouth with her hand, her body racking in cries she refused to make known.

I narrowed my eyes, “Of course I fucking know what today is. I'm not heartless.”

“Well,” Clara began, walking forward again, but I backed up as well; I could feel Alex's body heat radiating from behind me, “you're doing a very convincing job of shamelessly forgetting about your brother, Sam, aren't you?”

My eyes flared up in such anger towards my aunt that I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something or someone and make them bleed to cause them the pain that my heart had suddenly endured. I wanted to run away until my legs burned.

She didn't know what I was thinking, or feeling. She didn't hold the right to judge me like that. Of course I cared. Of course I wanted to remember my brother, but was it so wrong to want to go out and forget for a little while and have fun? That's what Sam would have wanted for me. He would have wanted me to have fun instead of moping around and crying like my sister was. But let's be honest, she had cried enough for the both of us already, and Alex was a witness to all the tears I had shed about my deceased elder brother. I didn't need to shed anymore tears. I just wanted to let everything go.

I just wanted out.

The next thing I knew, I was running out of the house, and into my front yard, collapsing onto the snow covered lawn, pounding my fists until they were red from the cold the air and the snow had impacted onto my exposed skin.

And then I was sobbing.

Frustration, anger, sadness all combined into the tears that fell from my eyes to the ground below my shaking body. I couldn't control myself; I just let them come. I didn't care who saw, because I was already embarrassed enough from my display inside. All I wanted was a day that I didn't have to think about my brother and what the date was and how I was going to hide my horrible past from my new friends. Instead, all three had occurred right before my very eyes, and I had no idea how I could fix this.

A pair of arms wrapped around my torso, binging me into their lap as I slung my arms around their neck, crying into the warmth of their jacket covered chest. Breathing in their scent, I knew that the person harboring me in their body heat was the one that had been their for me and knew every detail of my depressing story, and understood what I had gone through. He might have been the only one to show true compassion since the events a few months ago involving my elder brother.

“Jay, please explain to me what's going on?” He whispered, wrapping me tighter into his chest as I began to shiver from the cold. I sighed, choking on a sob as I tried to compose myself enough to speak.

Finally when I gathered up enough momentum, I muttered, “Today is Sam's birthday,” The grip Alex had on my body tightened as he began to rock from side to side in hopes of lulling my growing sobs, “He was going to be 19 today.”

Alex nodded, rubbing circles into my back. The sky was clear, kids were still playing in the snow and the sun still glistened off the freshly laid flakes, but the only thing that had changed was that it was no longer a perfect day in my life; it had slowly become one of the
worst days I had ever had.

Looking over Alex's shoulder and towards the window of my aunt's house, I could see a familiar head of shaggy brown hair, a small smile on his face, like he was trying to comfort me, though he knew absolutely nothing about what was going. I didn't blame Rian; he was a good friend. I just wanted to be able to confidently stand on my own and not asked if I was alright or smiled at sympathetically.

I pulled away, standing up and pacing back and forth in front of the now confused coffee haired boy, “Jade, what's going on?”

What was going on? I was rethinking my decision of coming to Lutherville. I came here for my sister, so she could recuperate and revive herself enough to return to the normalcy we had in Essex, New Jersey. From what I could tell, our mission was complete; she was back to the way she was back there and then some. Myself, on the other hand, had decreased in almost every aspect I had achieved for myself since arriving in Lutherville. Since things for my sister were shaping up, maybe it was my turn to return so I could become the person I once knew. The person I was in Essex.

“I can't stay here any more.” I mumbled, stopping in front of Alex as his eyes widened in confusion and shock.

“Wh-What?” He whispered, starting to crawl to his feet in the snow, dusting off his jeans as he did so.

I looked up at him, his cheeks pink from the cold, “I can't stay here any more. Bailey is perfectly fine. I mean, she's better than fine. But I'm a wreck. We came here to get her better and she's better. Don't you think she's better?” I turned to Alex, his mouth opening and closing like a fish but I gave him no time to retort, “Of course she is. She's fucking peachy. But I'm not. So I figure, what if I go home? I'll be fine there-”

“Jay!” Alex exclaimed, grabbing onto my arms to make me stop my pacing once again. Looking up into his eyes, I began to break down once more. He was the only one that could make me cry like this. It was as if his eyes held the remorse I needed, but the happiness that calmed me down in the end as well. He was everything I needed but I couldn't have him.

“I need to go home.”

“You are home, Jade.” I shook my head, backing away towards aunt Clara's house, not breaking eye contact with Alex for a second.

“New Jersey,” I muttered, backing up in larger steps now, continuing to shake my head. Alex began to advance toward me but I took even bigger steps to keep the distance between us.

“Goodbye, Alex.” I whispered, turning around and running up the porch steps and into the house, the image of Alex's surprised and saddened face burned into the front of my mind. But like other things, I pushed it back.

I sprinted past the surprised faces of my friends and sister, running up the stairs and to my bedroom where I threw open the door before slamming it shut once again. Footsteps sounded up the stairs as I pulled the duffel bag from my closet, beginning to shove all my clothes back into the large empty space. I stopped once the door to the room opened and in stepped my sister, softly shutting it behind her as she looked over the bag, my closet and finally, my face.

Her eyes softened as she looked at the tear stains streaked down my cheeks and walked towards me, engulfing me in a hug as fresh new tears sprung from my eyes.

“I want to go home.” I mumbled into her shoulder. There was a pause from my sister as she processed my words in her mind, before I felt her nod against my cheek.

“I'll come with you.” I pulled away, taking in her facial expressions.

“Are you sure?” I asked timidly, both of us knowing that I needed her as much as she needed me in that moment. Bailey nodded softly, letting go of me all together and taking a couple steps back.

“I'm sure.”