Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Bailey's POV

As I walked the steps of the porch beside me sister carefully, I made sure not to trip from my unsteady footsteps. My heart pounded with mixed emotions. I was nervous to see everyone’s reactions. Would they be happy to see Jade and me or would things be strained and awkward since we were gone for two months? I was also anxious though. I could not wait to see all of my friend’s faces again. I hadn’t seen them in so long that the images of them were almost becoming a blur in my memory.

An odd sense of familiarity hovered in the air when stepped into the party house. The base was cranked too loud and the unnecessary amount of people with no purpose was very recognizable. Fresh faced and wasted messes ambled along, but what was most identifiable was the pair of hands that were beside mine to help me pick Jade off the floor after she got knocked down.

All I could do was stare at how natural the scene was unfolding and how it was nothing like I imagined it would play out. Next thing I knew I was being pulled into Rian’s chest and being bounced around as he shouted joyfully, “Oh my FUCKING GOD! You’re back? You’re back!”

I couldn’t contain my smile and let out a couple giggles. I was so happy to see Rian again. Of course, Kara was only three seconds away from him and once she realized that we were really there, she tackled us in a giant huddle with Rian. I had barely taken two steps farther into the party when I felt myself being thrown back and slammed to the hard floor.

“YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! YOU’RE BACK!” I stared up into Jack’s huge brown eyes with a smile plastered to my face.

Finally, this whole thing hit me. I was back in the presence of my friends. All of it was unfolding so fast, but once Jack had me nailed to the ground, I realized this was really happening. “Hi Jack!!” I engulfed him in a giant hug after Jade let go of him and he danced me around the room, cheering the entire time.

The loud and expressive shouting definitely made a scene and everyone started to strain their necks in our direction to see what was going on but I was too preoccupied with the swarm of my friends that continued to build, as Melanie ran over to greet us followed by Kaylie and Adam, to turn red from the spotlight.

I was on cloud nine as I hugged and laughed and screamed and talked to all of the people I missed so dearly. I heard Kaylie babbling updates in my face, Melanie and Rian shooting questions at me and Jack singing in the background but all I could do was smile. I was so overwhelmed with the commotion around me that I didn’t care about answering questions and telling stories, I just wanted to hug everyone.

I went around in a circle again with an uncontrollable smile and bear hugged them again and once I was done I was met with a new face but a face that I had been waiting to see since my departure in December.

I felt a blush creep to my cheeks as Zack’s smile found me and I instinctively ran to tackle him in a giant hug. “Hi Zack,” I muttered into his arm.

“Hey Bails,” he said sighing contently and grasping me tighter. I smiled and pulled back to look up at him. “I missed you.”

I pulled him into another hug. “I missed you too.”

“…When I holler Ay Bay Bay, I finna get my grove on, it’ so hot up in the club that I ain’t got no shoes on. I’m holdin’ up a big stack of them hundreds in a rubber ban, girl don’t ask me for no cash cause I’m not that other man,” Jack came hopping over to us with Rian laying down a beat for him as he rapped. “Everybody trippin’ cause I’m limpin’ when I’m walkin’ and I’m pimpin’ when I’m talkin’, I don’t trick on chick that’s talking. Dem boys in the back they be rollin up their doughdy. Then they blow it till they choking. That’s what Godly came out!”

I laughed at Jack, thinking he was going to stop rapping but he didn’t.

“You wanna know what we say in the club? Ay Bay Bay! Whites folks gangsta and them thugs? Ay Bay Bay! Stuntin with a stack of them dubs? Ay Bay Bay! Ridin in a Lac with a mug! Ay Bay Bay!”

Rian joined in along with Melanie and all three of them started rapping and dancing foolishly, “I’m in the club hollerin’ Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay! Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay! I’m in the club hollerin’ Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay! Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay, Ay Bay Bay!”

I felt Zack’s chest rumble against my body as he laughed at how ridiculous the three were being and I laughed along too. Through my fit of giggles I saw Alex with Jade and waved to him excitedly, but they were walking outside so he signaled that he’d catch me later.

I watched Jack with an amused look on my face as he finished rapping, wondering how many drinks he had had already. Nonetheless I thanked him for his…moving… performance and gave him another hug. I never thought I would actually miss Jack’s hugs. Before, I always cringed when he squeezed me until my lungs would be permanently constricted, but now I could hug him forever. It’s funny to think that I couldn’t stand Jack when I first moved to Lutherville and now he was one of my best friends.

The things he did, like sticking his tongue in my ear or pointing at a red dot of paint on the table and calling it Bailey’s Period Blood to the entire class, didn’t bug me even through they should have drove me up the wall. A little time could really change a person.

Melanie and Kara started shooting questions at me. Why did you leave? What did your parents say? What did you do? What was it like? Why didn’t you call us?

“It was…good,” I answered vaguely. “But I’m just glad I’m back,” I said with a little blush, not wanting to get into the past right now. Kara hugged me again and started to hand me a drink that Rian had gotten for me, but a tug on my hand pulled me in the other direction.

“Jack, what are you doing?” I asked over the music as he led me into the room with the loud music.

“We’re dancing!” he said wildly as he shook his hips. I looked around for the others but they were right behind us and Kaylie, Rian, Kara, Adam and Zack all started dancing with us.

I couldn’t describe the feeling I felt. The only word that came to the tip of my tongue was happy. I was genuinely happy. My heart felt free and my arms felt light. I could enjoy myself and let myself let go.

I looked around at the faces dancing next to me and just like I’m sure they were wondering about the past few months, I was wondering what went on while I was away. Had anything changed? What did I miss? What was the new buzz? I’m sure our friends didn’t wait up for Jade and me while we were away. Stuff happened, things were discussed.

I could tell Kaylie and Adam were dating and I noticed Lisa’s absence, but what I really wondered about was why everyone was acting so blatant. Was everyone just okay with my sister and me abandoning them and then just showing up when we felt like it? I knew if they did that to me I would be a little irritated and would ask questions. I was expecting to be pressed with unanswerable inquiries and sad glares but it was the exact opposite; the girls asked me a couple open ended questions, which I dodged, and they moved on with bracing smiles. Moreover, two minutes later we chatted and acted like I had never left.

I wasn’t exactly sure what was happening now at school and in all my friends’ lives, but what I did know was that they were thrilled to have me back, and I was pleased that they wanted me back, proving that all those laps in judgment, screw ups, bad choices and lessons learned were worth while. My struggle just showed to me that this is where I was supposed to be all along.

The rest of the night was as great as the arrival. I was having a blast mingling with people and going out of my shell more than I was used to. Perched on the kitchen counter, I was making small talk with a girl in my English class, her doing most of the talking.

As I stood, I felt a presence behind me, a familiar feeling that occurred at parties like these. But the breath on my cheek startled me from the not so socially accepted greeting. I twisted my head around and my eyes landed on a pair of hazel ones.

“Wanna’ get out of here?” his breath tickled my skin and from the touch of his fingertips on my side, my stomach performed cartwheels.

It had been a while since I felt that feeling. Too long. I missed that sensation of flusters and unexplainable blushes, and around Zack, it somehow always managed to happen.

I smiled through the dim lighting and said an uncaring farewell to the blabbering girl beside me. With Zack’s hand lightly pulling my elbow down the hallway to the front door, we strolled out into the dark, chilly winter air.

Immediately my arms crossed over my chest to try and keep me warm. In the same fashion, Zack stuffed his hands in his pockets and stiffened from the cold as he walked. He led me to his car down the now empty street, where people were bustling around when I arrived with Jade.

We drove together, so hopefully Jade wasn’t too wasted to get home by herself. As bad as it wounded, I pushed the idea of my drunken sister aside and thought about Zack. He was at least a little tipsy.

He dug for his keys in his jeans and once he grasped them, I took the chain from him.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m driving. You think I want to get in a crash and break both my legs on my first day back?”

Zack chucked at my sarcasm and surprisingly let the idea of him driving go. Before making his way to the driver’s seat, he opened the side of his mom’s Toyota Prius for me to slide in.

I wasn’t sure where I was going; Zack never told me what he wanted to do or where he needed to go, so I just drove. For the first couple minutes it was quiet. Once the car was taken out of park, the party atmosphere vanished and a sophisticated silence lingered above our heads.

Zack let his head fall and hit against the headrest behind him and I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel as I waited for the light to turn green. The only audible noise was the blinker signal echoing. I wanted to say something. Anything. But nothing seemed good enough. The longer the silence ensued, the better the statement had to be, so I finally stopped the internal battle with myself and stayed quiet, like usual.

Zack was probably feeling the same thing as he leaned forward and fiddled with the head dials, turning it up to try and warm up the car. After, he leaned back again. Finally his voice broke the deafening silence.

“I wasn’t mad at you, you know.” His voice echoed in the car and I kept my face forward with my eyes plastered ahead.

I saw Zack looking at me out of the corner of my eyes, waiting for me to say something. So when I didn’t, he spoke again, “I mean yeah, I was pretty irritated with you that day but…that didn’t mean you had to leave…” His voice sounded sad and almost guilty.

Did he think the reason I left was because he yelled at me? To tell the truth, I had completely forgotten the strong words Zack spat at me the day before Jade and I took off.

“Zack…I--”

“No. I’m serious. I felt horrible. I beat myself up about it. I should have never been…so irrational.” Zack was fully twisted in his seat now to look at me so I pulled the car over and put it in park. “W-What are you…”

“Look, Zack,” I struggled with my words; not really sure how to word it, “You…you weren’t why we left.” I took a long pause, “I know you are going to get irritated with the answer because it was exactly why you snapped at me before, but, I left for a different reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Zack, you stated the obvious.” I started getting agitated. I couldn’t let Zack take the blame for me and Jade’s long absence because none of that was his fault at all. But I couldn’t just break all the truths I had been holding in since I arrived in Lutherville for the first time, all in one night, with Zack having no idea what I was talking about. “That day you came over, I was already packing to leave, alright? What you said to me was all true. And you know what? I know it’s true! I know I’m cryptic and full of bullshit.” I felt tears well up in my eyes as I talked and I didn’t know why but I was getting upset. Once Zack saw the dismay on my face, his eyes immediately softened.

“Bailey,” he said softly, gently touching my arm for comfort. “I’ve always told you, you can talk to me. Tell me.”

I blinked rapidly to clear the tears that were blurring my vision and looked at him. “I just, don’t want to,” I said hopelessly. I was so tired of disguising my feelings and trying to brush off sympathy so I decided not dismiss the questions kindly and bluntly reject them.

I don’t know how I ended up with such amazing friends. Through the dim lamppost lights, I saw Zack nodded weakly, trying to make himself understand, and he leaned over to pull me in a hug.

It wasn’t like the hug we exchanged earlier when we were reunited. We were excited to see each other and just wanted to see and talk. Our hug now was full of compassion and affection. I felt so comfortable in his grasp and even though I was swimming in guilt and frustration, Zack made me feel happy and fulfilled, triumphant almost.

I rested my head on his shoulder and let myself get comfortable with his arms wrapped around my torso. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I’m just really happy you’re back, Bails,” he murmured.

I smiled frailly even though he couldn’t see. My smile was still lingering on my lips as he pulled away from me. He held my shoulders and looked me in the eyes. I looked back through the hard lighting into his green speckled hazel eyes. Our gaze was intense and I suddenly felt aware that my heart was pumping, that being the only thing I could hear, and that he was still touching me.

I thought back to all the times Zack made me feel loved. From day one, he’d been genuine and he never was anything but honest with good intentions. It might have been my head going a little light, but he was definitely moving closer towards me and I didn’t know how to react. My eyes darted between his and he slid one hand down my arm and cupped my hand gently.

The air was so tight that we both jumped to the roof of the car when a giant gust of wind whistled against the window. My breath hitched to my throat and Zack let out a small gasp at the startle. The tension immediately entered and we both turned away and looked out the front windshield, thinking about what just happened.

What would have happened if there was no interruption? Was I going to kiss Zack? Do I even like him? Yeah, I’m pretty sure the needles scratching in my gut was an indicator that I had feelings for Zack.

I saw Zack straighten himself out in his car seat and he cleared his throat after a few moments.

“Well I guess we should get going?” I suggested slowly.

Zack smiled hesitantly and agreed. I thought back to what just happened; we locked eyes for not 10 seconds. How could something express so many fervors in so little time?

I reminded myself that the moment meant nothing; Zack obviously brushed it off already and so would I. Just like at Alex and Rian’s birthday party, I couldn’t be sure what Zack was thinking and since we never talked about our feelings, it was understandable there was none.

I turned to Zack, forcing a joyful smile on my face. “Where to, sir?”

==========

“Wow, Zack, McDonalds?”

“Hey. I’m hungry.”

“You could have gotten free food at the party. You know that, right?” I joked playfully, the mood ten times lighter.

Zack glared at me for little bit from his spot in the passenger’s seat. “Bailey.”

“Zack,” I imitated.

He didn’t answer me so I glanced over at him as I pulled in the drive-through. He had a giant pout on his lips that were not working in his favor, but I giggled at him anyways.

“Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?” the speaker shouted at me.

Zack immediately jumped over the center counsel and leaned on me to get his mouth as close to the window as possible. After his dramatic display, he rambled off some sort of value meal with bunches of fries and chicken and all the good stuff. I simply ordered ice cream.

“Ask for some ketchup packets!” he whispered harshly.

“Could I get some ketchup packets?” I asked kindly after receiving our food and the woman at the window disappeared for a moment, reappearing with a handful of ketchup packets for Zack.

“Thanks.”

“More!” he hissed.

“Um, could we maybe get some more?” I asked again blushing, embarrassment in my voice.

After the lady nodded, I turned in my seat. “Are you serious? You have enough for the whole week!”

“Well I like ketchup!”

“Is this just a thing you do? Or are you just obsessed - oh thank you,” I took the other handful of packets and put them in the pile with the other ketchup packets. “with ketchup.”

“I’m not obsessed,” he said splitting opened the small pack and squirting the entire thing in his mouth like it was a Gogurt tube. “It’s just good.”

I grimaced, but giggled nonetheless. I leaned my head back on the seat and took a calming breath. “Gosh, I missed this.”