Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Jade's POV

A week. It had been an entire week of ignoring Alex and avoiding where he might be. Of course, it was rather difficult to stay too far away from him considering we had the same friends and he kept on trying to get me to talk to him. But it wasn't as hard as I had imagined considering that we hadn't had school the week we got back because of February vacation.

But I needed time.

Time to think everything over, to process, to rethink the past few months that I had missed him and all the times we had hung out before Bailey and I left. I needed time to think over if what my heart was telling me was on the same page as my brain and the two met somewhere in the middle to create a homeostasis in the rest of my body. But at the moment, none of my vital organs were working together to help give me the correct answer.

Life turned out to be a lot like school. There were the preps who always felt the need to be on top of everything, the jocks who constantly looked down on anyone who wasn't in their weight class or muscle range. Then there were the nerds, the people that ended up succeeding towards everything, the music geeks who sat in music stores, old garages, or actually made it somewhere. And where was I?

I didn't fit in. I was the undecided portion of the world, the ones that mosey by without a care and end up working at McDonald's or some cubicle job. I didn't want to be either. I wanted to find out my place, both at school and in the world around me, because school was ending soon. I didn't have plans for college, or what to do after high school at all for that matter.

All I knew was that the only place that anything made sense was those few times when Alex would hold me in his arms and tell me everything would be alright. And for the most part, it always had been. I had discovered a lot of things with the security of Alex's arms around me, and some of them led to great insight on my part. But this wasn't a good time for me to go running to Alex and have him wrap me in a huge embrace and tell me everything would be alright. I couldn't do that based on the fact that I was trying to figure Alex out.

How could he just tell me he liked me? Just, blurt it out like that? I had jumped to conclusions quickly but, I was insecure. Alex had always been my safety blanket and now he wanted to be more than that. Lisa had been afraid of that from the moment she met me and saw Alex and I interact, and he had finally come to realize that she had been right and that he liked me. But there was a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that everything I had hoped for that had come true, was too good to be true.

As I walked down the pavement, wrapping my jacket tighter around my body, the questions pummeled my brain, trying to pour out answers. Though I wanted nothing more than to relinquish the thoughts from my head, my mind was telling me to look at them, to decode the answers myself, because no magical creature was going to pop and out with a note card to read the answers to me personally. I was almost one hundred percent sure I already knew the answer, based on the fact that it had been sweltering in my mind for the months I had lived in Lutherville and left Maryland altogether.

I just wanted to be absolutely sure of my decision.

The sound of feet padding against the ground pulled me out of my trance like state, sending my head spinning in the direction of the footsteps. But the face that my eyes met made me wish I had ignored the disruption altogether.

“Jade!” The voice called and the footsteps picked up their pace, my feet doing the same as I tried to avoid the inevitable. “Hey, what the fuck?! Hold up!” He cried, causing me to whip around in my fury and his body to ram up against mine, both of us falling to the pavement beneath our feet.

“What the hell, Alex!” I screamed, picking myself up and glaring down at him. Alex quickly sprang to his feet, dusting off his pants before staring at me, his face softening as his eyes met mine.

“Jade, I just wanna talk to you-”

“Well, maybe I don't wanna talk to you. Did you ever think that maybe I need time to figure this shit out?” I asked, looking anywhere but his face as I tried to walk around him, but he followed my movements, blocking my path.

“You don't need to think things over because I know you feel the same way as me.” I stopped trying to walk around him and stared as he looked down at me, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

“I'm trying to decide if what I feel is relevant.”

Alex's eyebrows furrowed together, “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” I began, walking forward so that I was standing closer to Alex's chest, “that I don't wanna get mixed up in this shit if I'm going to get hurt in the end.”

“I won't hurt you, Jade. You know that better than anyone.”

I shook my head, “That was when I was trying to fight everything and you were my shoulder to cry on. Now that I'm back...how do I know this isn't a ploy to get me to stay here.”

“You know I'm not smart enough for that, Jade.”

I nodded, looking away from him again, “I also thought you would have been smart enough to realize you liked me sooner...before I was gone.”

Alex sighed, walking toward me with his arms open, as if he would capture me against his chest, but I wasn't sold just yet and he understood, dropping his hands against his thighs and continuing to stare at me.

“I can explain everything, Jade, if you just would hear me out-”

“I need to think, Alex.” I mumbled, successfully walking around him and making my way towards my house, leaving behind the coffee haired boy to look at the cracking pavement.

The party was already in full swing when my sister and I arrived that evening, the high school kids in every corner of the house with cups in their hands and smiles, or other high school students, on their lips. As I looked around, my eyes spotted a familiar head of brunette hair and I made my way toward it, my smile growing until the point where I was taping on her shoulder as she began to turn around.

“Hey, Jay!” Melanie cried, pulling me into a hug, a hue grin on her face. “I feel like I haven't seen you in, like, forever!”

I chuckled under my breath, “Mel, I just saw you this afternoon.”

“Oh...yeah.” She giggled, taking another sip of her drink.

“How many drinks have you had, Mel?” I asked, pulling the cup away from her mouth. Smelling the contents, I pulled the drink away from my nose; the scent itself made me feel intoxicated, “And have you been drinking this all night?”

Melanie nodded enthusiastically, “Uh huh. And I've had this many drinks!” She exclaimed, holding up all of her fingers and a foot as she giggled, wobbling around to the point of almost collapsing to the ground.

“Okay...I'm cutting you off, alright?” Melanie nodded sadly, jutting out her bottom lip as she sat down behind her, which happened to be someone's lap, someone I immediately recognized. “Jack?”

“Yo! Jay-z!” Jack cried, throwing his arms up in the air, the contents of his drink spilling all over the girl next to him, but she had been too busy making out with the boy attached with his hands practically down her pants.

I sighed, stealing Jack's drink away from his hand as well, “I'm cutting you off too.” I mumbled taking the drinks away towards the kitchen to empty them out.

But not before passing a familiar head of coffee-colored hair.

Alex stood in the corner by himself, looking at all the bodies dancing, grinding and sweating along with the other masses of drunken people. He lived for parties: to be able to drink, live, and become someone else for a while. Tonight, he was alone and only had his drink his hands which he took sips from occasionally. This was not Alex. This was something I knew I had created. I had created the loneliness he felt. I had shot him down and stomped on him, but I couldn't help but hold back, resenting the fact that this was too good to be true.

Tearing my eyes away from Alex, I made my way into the kitchen, pouring out the drinks into the sink and listening as the drain made a gurgling sound, engulfing the strong alcohol into its pipes.

“Hey.” I whipped around clutching the two now empty cups in my hands as I stared at the person in front of me. I should have been relieved to see her, but I wasn't. If anything, I was frightened.

“Hey, Lisa.” My words were mumbled, tight and strangled as I stared her with, what I was almost positive, resembled a deer in the headlights.

Lisa sighed, walking toward me with the smallest of smile on her face, “I know, Jade. Believe me, I know what happened.”

I felt saddened all of a sudden. The last time Lisa and I had really talked, she had expressed how much she feared that Alex would realize he didn't want her, and he had. They had been together for longer than they had known me, and then I showed up and the status quot had changed. I had mixed up their perfect relationship and now, Lisa was here with me, the person who had stolen her boyfriend away. I felt terrible.

“I'm so sorry, Lisa. I swear I didn't mean for any of this to happen.”

“I know,” She sighed once again, reaching behind me to grab one of the plastic cups resting on the counter, “I did it.”

I furrowed my eyebrows together, “W-What do you mean?” I asked, leaning against the sink and placing the empty cups on the counter beside me.

“I broke up with Alex because...well, it was pretty obvious I wasn't his priority. I came second to you and I didn't want that. I mean, who would? Don't get me wrong, Jade, you're an awesome girl and I'm glad that I got to know you and he's not going after some whore, but I wish...I just wanted us to last.”

I nodded, “I understand.”

“I'm glad you do,” Lisa said, smiling slightly as she turned to face me, “I guess, he wanted us to last too, but I could tell he was just trying to convince himself I was what he wanted. I think I did what was best for both of us.”

“Breaking up with him?” I asked softly, looking at Lisa's profile.

She nodded sadly, looking at the liquid in the plastic cup she held.

“You'll find someone, Lisa. You'll find someone that makes you so happy, you'll forget all about Alex.”

Lisa laughed, looking up from her cup and staring into my eyes, “After a break up, everyone says that,” I smiled, “but I hope your right.”

“Jay,” A voice broke into the kitchen. Lisa and I turned to meet the face of Rian Dawson, a small smile on his face, “Sorry to break this up but, Jay, can I talk to you?” I looked over at Lisa who nodded, that small smile still on her face.

“Just...be good to him, okay?” I nodded, hesitantly reaching out for hug that she slowly walked into before I followed Rian out of the kitchen.

“I need to know...” He mumbled, looking around the room before his eyes fell onto mine, “I know Alex told you he liked you, and I know for a fact that you feel the same, so why aren't you acting on it?”

“Because, I felt like I was being used...like a rebound.”

Rian scoffed, “Please, Jade. If you had been in Lutherville after Lisa and him broke up, you would have realized that you, in no way, shape or form, are a rebound to him. The guy would walk through fire for you and I know that you want to be with him so go for it.”

The smallest of smiles graced my lips. At that moment, I thought of all the times Alex had been there for me. Holding my hand during the first snowfall, holding me in his arms as I cried onto his shoulder, carrying me up the stairs when I had broken down in Sam's car, admitting to him about my deceased brother, joking around with him, hearing his voice on the other end of the line the first time I had answered the call from Rian telling me about the band getting signed.

And that's when I realized I was possibly the stupidest person on the face of the planet.

“Where's Alex?” I asked, smiling over at Rian as he flashed his piano teeth at me.

“Yeah, that's kinda why I wanted to get the answer now...” He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. “He's leaving right now. He just walked outside to his car.”

Without another word, I hugged Rian quickly and began sprinting toward the front door, dodging dancing bodies and drunken mass.

Finally, I made it to the door, looking out into the night as I searched for the coffee-colored hair that I had grown to like so much over the months I had and hadn't seen Alex. Then, I spotted it, his hand twisting the keys into the lock of his car as he fumbled to pull open the door.

A huge grin fell on my lips as I sprinted towards him, calling out his name. Alex furrowed his eyebrows but upon seeing me running in his direction, an identical grin broke out on his face as he opened his arms to let me run into him.

My body smashed against his chest as he wrapped his arms around me, mine flinging around his neck as I buried my face into his shoulder.

“Jay Bird, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you into admitting your feelings. I'm sorry-”

“Alex?” I cut him off smiling up at him.

“Yeah?” He asked, pulling away so that we were merely a few inches apart from each other, his arms around my waist, keeping me secured to his chest.

“What took you so long, you bastard?” Alex's smiled widened as a laugh emitted from his lips.

As he leaned toward me, my heart skipped multiple beats, my breathing hitched in my throat as I reached those few extra centimeters to connect my lips to his. I had anticipated this moment since meeting Alex all those months ago: to be able to kiss him without feeling guilt, to be able to hold him and know that there was no one else that mattered in that moment, to run my fingers through his hair and to be able to say that I was his. From the growing smile on Alex's lips and the way he continued to kiss me, I knew he had felt the same way and that it had been stupid of us to doubt our feelings about the other for so long.

“Well, its about fucking time!” Someone screamed, causing Alex and I to pull away, though our arms never detached from the other.

There, standing on the porch, were all of the people that had made Lutherville a home. Jack stood his hands cupped around his mouth to project his shouts as the rest of the group agreed with his outburst. Melanie gave us a thumbs up, a goofy smile on her face as Jack threw an arm around her shoulders. Kaylie rolled her eyes at the two but continued to grin at me all the while. Rian and Kara clutched onto each other, probably remembering when they had gotten together, as Rian grinned over at me. My sister's grin was identical to mine, her cheeks bones nearly dislocated from the rest of her face as her smile grew and grew with each passing second. Zack's grin was almost identical to hers as he wrapped an arm around Bailey's shoulders, winking over at me and giving us a thumbs up as well.

Alex chuckled under his breath, stealing another quick kiss as he pulled me even closer into his torso. I smiled as well, burying my face into the cotton of his hoodie, taking in the scent of it that had become all too familiar to me.

I had thought Lutherville would never have fixed the jumbled mess of emotions I was. I had been dead wrong. If anything, Lutherville had shaped me to who I wanted to become in the very beginning. I had stable friends that were there for me, I had a closer relationship with my sister, I was in check with my emotions and wasn't afraid to let it out, and now, I had the one who helped me achieve it all.

I had just been too stupid to realize that he was really there for me.

But I wouldn't ever make that mistake again.

I was finally home.