Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

The sound of a blaring alarm clock rang through out the red painted walls. The simple beeping sound bounced off the small room’s walls, which would have started an echo if it wasn’t for all of the belongings that were scattered about the room.

Of course, everything was in an orderly fashion. School supplies and books, which were now considered things of the past for the graduate, sat against one wall. In the closet, an abundance of shoes and work out clothes lined the interior. On top of the overflowing dresser, a make-up bag waited to be used and a jewelry box was filled with a range of complimentary pieces. Many and many of pictures were tucked in the sides of the mirror, creating a border of past memories of childhood.

Upon looking, the red room looked like it was being put to good use. It looked like a room that was appreciated and life was being lived inside its walls. In fact, despite the organization and neatness, the room was in good habitant, unlike the purple room neighboring it; empty.

Annoying clashes of unpleasant noises still went off in the occupied room and it had been for almost two hours. The afternoon sun was rising and shined through the window, landing on a brown haired girl. If her eyes were opened, they would be shimmering green orbs filled with dread.

Dread for the day to come, not because all but two of her best friends would be leaving her the summer before college, but because her other half had fled. The only other living person in the Bates family that still held the emerald gleam had separated from her.

Two complete opposite sisters with the only things in common being green eyes, delight from music and enjoying a good, hearty laugh from time to time. Yet, for people who were so contrary to each other, they needed the other. They would have never realized how important each other’s presence and listening ears were unless they moved in with their deteriorating aunt, but now that it was gone, it was hard to bare the loss.

Groggy eyelids peeled open over a pair of green eyes and the brunette’s vision slowly came into focus, as well as her hearing. Distinguishing the obnoxious, awaking noise as an alarm clock, the girl’s eyes bulged in astonishment. She knew simply by the amount of sunlight that poured through her window and how good she felt from sleeping that she overslept, a rare occurrence for Bailey Bates.

Jumping up from her bed, Bailey hastily ran back and forth between the bathroom and her room. She slapped on make-up and easily put her wavy brown hair up, which had grown so long it fell over the small of her back, with a hair elastic. White shorts and yellow tank top were slipped on, similar to the top her sister had worn yesterday.

Realizing this, Bailey slowed. The events of yesterday came flooding back and even though she was sure she was alone in the tiny house, she felt herself being slammed up against a wall. A faint aching that was tugging at her heart the entire night before started to throb again and Bailey couldn’t help but walk past her door when coming from the bathroom and inch to Jade’s abandoned room.

It was closed tight with signs adorning the front. They were all different colors of writing and designs, some good and some crappy, with various pictures but they all clearly signified it was Jade’s room. Courtesy of a rainy day and bunch of goofy friends, Bailey had signs on her door as well. A smile crept on her lips for a moment when looking at one of the signs warning her that there were no parents, dragons or catfish aloud, of course, accompanied by many graphic pictures. The boys never failed to draw penises on everything.

Bailey felt a little tremble start in her fingertips as she thought about looking past the comical relief that covered what lay behind that door. She was hoping she could walk in and see the room dark. The blinds would be shut and a sleeping girl would be in her bed, intending to sleep past noon.

Stepping in, Bailey’s fears were confirmed; vacant. The purple room was nearly as empty as when the two sisters came to Lutherville almost a year before when there was nothing but a dissembled bed. A couple posters were on the walls and useless crap Jade wouldn’t need was sitting on the made-up bed.

For some reason, that bed gave Bailey hope; hope that her sister would come back. Why else would she leave the bed like that? Never mind that it was hard to take apart and Jade didn’t know how to do it. Clara wouldn’t be using the room anytime soon and the only other Bates sibling that would use it wasn’t able to. Maybe it was in Jade’s inner conscious, Bailey thought, knowing she would come back.

Who was Bailey kidding? She wasn’t even fooling herself.

Pushing out the agonizing and disappointing thoughts that came to her mind as she glanced around the quiet room, Bailey silently left the doorway and ambled back to her room.

When she laid eyes on her alarm clock again, her body kicked back into rush mode. She skidded around her room, picking up things she needed. Finally after just twenty minutes of being awake, was running down the stairs. Almost smacking into the front door, she dashed out to the driveway.

Bailey stared at the farthest right spot on the pavement, then down the paved hill to the street and then back to where her car was supposed to be. She stood with the steaming tar scalding her bare feet but so lost in thought that she didn’t move. Something in her stomach tightened at the reason for her missing car, but Bailey didn’t seem to register that it wouldn’t actually come back.

The June sun warmed her arms and Bailey couldn’t stand in one place anymore unless she wanted burns on her feet. She started walking around, avoiding the torn up tar and jagged holes. Clara’s car was missing from the garage, meaning she was at work. Bailey could feel the crunch for time and knew she had to get to Alex’s house by noon. She wouldn’t let her best friends leave without her saying goodbye before they went on tour.

Time was passing quickly as Bailey paced in the vacant driveway. Looking out at the street ahead of her, she thought about the four minute drive to Alex’s house. “Oh screw it,” she muttered. She rolled onto her toes and kicked her legs into steady pace.

Moping around about her missing sister or non-available transportation was not going to get Bailey to Alex’s house in time. She ran over the cracks and gravel on the roads, cursing herself for not putting on any shoes in her rush. Even flip-flops would have been better than nothing for the fifteen minute fun to the next neighborhood. Bailey’s sun kissed legs, with a wonderful ankle sock tan, moved swiftly, cutting through backyards to reach her destination faster.

The running helped Bailey, but not enough to remove Jade from her mind completely. She thought of the things Jade accused her of. Sneaking around, hiding the truth, not caring about her, abandoning her like Sam had. Bailey never thought any of the things would have really bugged Jade. She was always fairly independent and not interested in other people’s lives. Bailey never really thought of telling Jade about herself because she never had to before. This year though, everything had come at Bailey so quickly, the success just happened and Bailey accepted it.

She was so consumed with her own thoughts, trying to keep up with the fleeting time that she didn’t think twice about the blonde. Jade walked around under the radar, her thoughts under raps. She watched as her younger sister finished high school with honors, received a scholarship to Stanford, and started to build a relationship while the one she had with her boyfriend faded.

As Bailey ran, it reminded her of the day Jade stormed out of the house. Alex had followed on his heels, calling her name, both of them looking upset. Bailey knew something was wrong but Bailey didn’t do anything. The old Bailey would have. But instead, she simply dismissed it and went back to her daydreams.

Bailey might as well have been having sex with Zack, like Jade accused; it wouldn’t have made the situation she was in now any worse.

Bailey thought Jade was happy with Alex because from the outside, they looked like they had a healthy relationship. However, everyone placed so much pressure on the two. First, Adam and Kaylie were “perfect”. After they broke up, Alex and Jade were deemed completely perfect. The two had to live up to the perfect standard they were set at and there wasn’t any more pressure that could have been put on two high school students.

It just showed everyone that not everything was as it seemed. Some things just happened at the wrong time. But how was it so bad that Jade would want to leave Alex? Leave everyone? It made Bailey question if Jade ever liked it in Lutherville.

Jade was cold towards everyone that wanted to get in her head. She just wanted to hide away what she couldn’t deal with emotionally. Now, Bailey was running to the house of the person that Jade had gravitated towards; Alex was the one who brought the feelings out of her. He was the one who kept her grounded but now she wanted to run away from him and resort to her old ways. By living in Lutherville, she had softened her edges. Bailey couldn’t understand why she would want to run from that.

By the time Alex’s house was in view, a couple of sweat beads had formed on Bailey’s forehead. A big, sixteen-passenger van sat in his driveway and Bailey could see small figures moving around on the driveway.

From Alex’s house, everyone watched as a small figure ran towards them, growing bigger as she approached. Finally recognizing the swishing brown hair, Jack flailed his arms and yelled, “Bailey!” The brunette smiled upon hearing the lanky boy’s voice crack. “You’re finally here. I though you were ditching me! Bitch.”

“Hi, everyone,” Bailey said breathlessly, climbing up the driveway and joining her friends. Parent’s of the four band boys, along with some other adults, chatted and sipped cold beers at the top of the driveway. She looked around at the faces of Alex, Zack, Rian, Kara, Matt, Rian and Jack. “I’m sorry I was late. My alarm clock didn’t wake me up.”

“Likely story,” Jack said with lowered eyes. A couple of the others rolled their eyes and Bailey ignored him and went around, giving everyone a greeting hug before ending in front of Zack.

“Where are your shoes, miss?” They had just pulled out of a hug and Zack let his hands drop from her slowly.

The girl blushed and offered shyly, “I was in a hurry?”

Bailey sounded absurd but Zack simply closed his eyes and smiled. He wrapped his long arms around her shoulders and rocked them back in forth. “God, you’re something.” Bailey chuckled with him and then snuck out of his grasp.

“Hey! Where is Blondie?”

Bailey stared down at her toes instead of answering Jack’s question directly, her eyes catching Alex’s briefly in the process. His face turned sad immediately; he knew what Bailey’s answer was going to be. He could tell by the sudden change in attitude that Jade really did leave like she told him she was going to.

Bailey wasn’t sure what to say because in all honesty, Bailey didn’t know exactly where Jade was. She also didn’t want to be the one to tell Alex that his girlfriend fled the state; she wouldn’t be able to bare the look on his face. A feeling of guilt washed over Bailey, but she couldn’t bring herself to inform Alex of the harsh conversation she and her sister had the day before; it still hurt to think about.

Without a reply, Jack faked a break down, “Well is she going to show up and say goodbye?! She can’t just cock block me!”

A smile wasn’t full on Bailey’s lips like it usually would at one of Jack’s jokes and Alex saw it. After seeing Bailey shrug again at the question of her sister’s whereabouts, Alex realized Jade had never told Bailey she was leaving. Alex wondered if he should tell her. How could he tell Bailey that her own sister, who she goes everywhere with, left? He didn’t think it was his place to tell her.

Everyone else picked up on the tension that suddenly floated around Bailey. It was clear that something had happened but they didn’t know what. Jade just wouldn’t not show up and not say goodbye to her friends, her boyfriend. Matt studied the brunette, easily knowing why Bailey was upset but not knowing the cause of everything in the big scheme of things. Zack instantly knew something was wrong with Bailey. He also knew she was hiding something, but he could talk to her later about it.

“So um,” Bailey cleared her throat. “Where are Mel and Kaylie? Did Kaylie already leave for her grandma’s house?” Right away, everyone brightened, their minds thankful for the distraction so they didn’t need to worry about Jade.

Jack answered quickly, “Mel’s grounded.”

“Yeah, using my mom’s good, expensive china as circle stencils doesn’t go over well in our household,” Matt said monotonously.

“They both called and said goodbye though,” Rian added.

“Speaking of goodbyes…” Alex faded sadly. “We gotta go.” Bailey noticed the sad tint in his eyes and couldn’t help but know he was talking about something more than just leaving for tour. “You caught us just in time, Bailey.”

The brunette looked around at the group of boys before her. She couldn’t believe she had to say goodbye to such annoying, rude, disrespectful, maddening, comical, thoughtful, genuine, amazing guys. The scariest part was that she would be leaving in a couple months to go to college herself, meaning she couldn’t know if she would see the four boys again, and if she did, when.

She looked at Alex’s deep brown eyes and his coffee-colored hair. She studied Rian’s pleasant looking face and bright smile. Jack was standing tall about her, awkwardly lanky but amazingly sweet. She gave them each a long, long hug, never wanting to let go.

She thought about the first All Time Low concert she went to, how they were so excited and broke her out of her shell. She reminisced how close she got to the girls at sleepovers and TP-ing. In their embrace, she thought back to Alex and Rian’s birthday party and how much fun she had, all the laughs and jokes they shared.

Bailey was also reminded of the intimate times. When Alex sat Bailey down and let her talk about her horrid memories of Sam’s suicide, letting her loosen the grip she had of guilt. The day her friends found out about the secret Bailey and Jade had been hiding about their brother was one of the most emotional times, but that was the moment she realized how great her friends were and how she never wanted to let them go, or leave them. Her special moments with Zack opened her up and changed her to who she was.

Bailey wasn’t in pieces anymore. Her previous trademarks of being outspoken and sugary weren’t a problem and Bailey’ could no longer be walked over. She enjoyed herself and was justifiably happy.

But Jade hadn’t been there for those personal moments. She was there during the fun and light hearted times, but she missed out on the opportunities to test the waters of friendship. It was possible that she could have gone deeper and gotten along better in Lutherville.

Pulling away from the hugs, she gave sweet smiles to all the boys. Somehow, she let go and moved on to the next.

And then there was Zack. She took in his newly cut, blond hair and hard eyes. A soft smile played at his lips as he looked back at Bailey. Bailey let herself melt in his arms and he held her securely, reluctant to let her go. They experienced so much together over the past year; running, laughing, crying, comfort, inappropriate making out and endless smiles. Feeling safe arms resting on her back, Bailey was reminded of the situation she and Zack were now in. She was happy Zack insisted on a non-committed relationship. Even though they were exclusive and both didn’t want anyone else, the title of “seeing each other” instead of “dating” somehow made it was easier to say goodbye.

“Bye, Bails,” Zack said softly, his breath tickling her nose. He left a tender kiss on her lips before pulling away and joining the others.

“You better call us!” Jack warned Bailey.

“You better call me!”

“Not if you call us first.”

“Only if you call me.”

Rian stared between Jack and Bailey, trying to figure out when Jack had sucked Bailey into to his insanity. The rest of the group rolled their eyes and Rian joined in, pulling everyone into a giant hug soon after.

Alex looked at the warm faces that were in close proximity to him, their eyes gleaming, all but the other pair of emerald eyes that belonged to the girl he loved, but wasn’t there. “Now. We are leaving, but you guys here are my best fucking friends in the world. This is also including Melanie, who is a fuck up, and Kaylie, who is at her damned Grandma’s house and, and Jade,” he stumbled over the Bates’ name. “Who is probably getting into some shit right now.” he spoke lightly when he said it and forced out a laugh with everyone else. In that instant of a second, Bailey caught hold of the worry and preoccupation on everyone’s faces. She finally knew how they all must have felt when she and Jade left last December. Had they all just looked at each other silently with a sad fear in their eyes? There was the feeling of unsettlement; knowing she gone but not knowing where. Sure, some of them thought Jade had simply forgotten, because it was Jade, and was just at the store buying Pop Tarts to avoid a sad goodbye. They didn’t know she had abandoned Lutherville once again. Others in the huddle knew the truth though. Either way, there was an odd tension in the air at the mention of the unknown.

Alex looked into Kara and Bailey’s eyes. “We won’t forget you fuckers.” Kara smiled and nodded ferociously and everyone followed in suit. No further words needed to be said; even at eighteen they all knew what each of them meant to each other.

Smiling, they amorously walked forward and closed the little gap between them and captured each other in a giant hug pile. After untangling from each other’s arms, the boys said their long farewells to their parents and soon after, loaded in the van. Kara went to go stand by the adults at the top of the driveway, but Bailey stayed put at the bottom.

The van’s engine rumbled and suddenly it seemed like time had sped up and Bailey stood in a standstill as she watched the van start to shrink down the street.

Not even waiting for a second of motion, a blonde head of hair stuck his head out of the passenger side window. With a smile on Bailey’s face, she waved back at Zack. As the Gaskarth’s house slowly faded, Zack’s hand was pushed out the way and replaced by a pasty, lanky arm and another, more tanned one. Jack and Alex waved viciously, excited about the trip ahead but sad to leave home.

Seeing all of the action happen by the silhouettes through the tainted window of the van, Bailey saw Rian yank the boys back down in their seats. She started to chuckle and turned to make a comment about how Jack’s arm looked like a cob of corn sticking out the window, but her face met empty air. The blonde that Bailey sought to be there, wasn’t.

It wasn’t until that moment that reality dawned on her. Bailey had always thought Jade had had another Essex relapse, but would come running back to Lutherville as fast and as impulsively as she had left for again Essex. That’s what had happened before.

It had never hit Bailey that she wouldn’t see her sister tomorrow, or the day after that. She had continued to tell herself that she would probably be hanging out with Jade over the summer. They maybe would laugh about how Bailey fell up the stairs. The next day they might bicker lightly about a hair straightener. Bailey could continue to tell herself that Jade would be there, but the reality of it was it wouldn’t be true. And even though she knew that, she couldn’t accept it. She didn’t want the realization to settle in her stomach. Her sister was really gone.

As her boys drove off, Bailey realized that she was left in Lutherville without her family; without them, without her sister. Those four boys were her family in Lutherville since her real family, or what was left of their bonds, were all in New Jersey now.

Bailey knew the silence would be unbearable and that she would be lonely with the only people who could make her laugh until she peed her pants, or smile until her jaw broke. They made her heart throb. Sometimes it throbbed with so much love that it hurt.

Bailey watched silently as the white van drove off into the afternoon sun and smiled faintly. Kicking the ground a couple times, she turned and padded back down the street, back home. It was like being broken all over again.