Falling Together Again

A few nights later we were all on the back porch at the house for a Jonas family style cook out, which meant some delicious food, laughing, and some serious trash talking.

“Alright Windle you are going down.” “Please, you’ve been saying that for the past hour and have yet to touch me. I’m too swift and you’re too slow.” I said to the Jonas boy across from me. “You can’t seriously think that.” He said chuckling at my “swift moves” as I swiveled my hips and jumped side to side to show of my quickness. “Nick, we all know you never go easy or let anyone win- let alone me. Face it, I’ve been whopping your ass out here.” I heard Kelsey snicker at my use of a bad word. If it was anyone else I know she would be yelling, “You said a bad word! Quarter in the swear jar!”, but she was my girl, she would never turn me in. I watched as his eyes narrowed in on me, I shouldn’t have said that, he was so going to tackle me now.

“BLUE 42, I’M GONNA BEAT YOU! WHOOP DEE DO! HUT HUT HIKE!!” Joe shouted snapping the ball. The kids had thought of the call and if you didn’t use it they refused to play. I ran forward trying to dodge Nick. I twisted and then went right back and actually fooled him enough to be facing the wrong direction. Frankie tossed the ball in my direction and I jumped in the air and caught it. I heard my team cheer as I started for the end zone or in our case- the swing set. I was smiling wide as I closed in on the swings. I could hear everyone cheering and clapping as I got closer. Then I felt something grab me from around my waist and soon I was being lifted over a shoulder and my face was met with a very familiar Jonas butt. I heard everyone laughing and some yelling that Nick was cheating. “NICHOLAS JERRY JONAS PUT ME DOWN!!” I shouted kicking him and contorting my body to fall out of his grip- I was failing miserably though.

Finally we reached the opposite end zone and Nick dropped me on the ground cheering along with his other team mates. “That was so cheating!” I shouted standing up quickly from the ground. “Oh was not. It was creative.” “It didn’t count when you did it like seven years ago! It doesn’t count now!!” I shouted pointing my finger at him. “Oh my god, I remember that!” Frankie shouted laughing at the memory. He had been the ref that day, in this very back yard. “Sorry bro, but I think she’s right, it didn’t count then so it shouldn’t count now.” Joe said clapping Nick’s back. “You’re only saying that because you’re on her team this time!” Nick said and Joe smiled while he high fived me, “YEA CAUSE SHE’S AWESOME!” he shouted and I had to laugh at his enthusiasm. “Oh whatever.” Nick said rolling his eyes. Some things never change do they?

“DINNER!” Was shouted from the porch and we started up letting the argument go. I jumped up on to Frankie’s back, “Frankie, when did you get so freaking huge!?” I asked and he laughed, “When you started to shrink Ally.” I laughed and he dropped me onto my feet. “Uncle Frank can you give me a piggy back ride?!” Kelsey asked and Frankie laughed and picked up the little girl with one arm and threw her over his shoulder she laughed and screamed in delight. I smiled after them as he ran up towards the back porch. “Ready boys?” I asked the twins who were each covered in grass stains. They smiled and started to chase after their older sister and uncle. I ran slowly behind them, reminding myself to not overdo it, I still get light headed very easily and I hadn't eaten since this morning. I sat down beside Jordan and he smiled down at me. I took his beer and took a sip and handed it back to him. “Hot dog Ally?” Mr. Jonas asked. “Yes please” I said and he smiled. I was playing with the ring Jordan gave me for Christmas three years ago, partly making sure it was still there. I looked over and spotted Nick’s ring on his finger. At least he still wears it.

“Anyone want any cucumbers?” Kevin asked and I looked over towards Joe and Nicole and the three of us started to laugh. I’m not going to lie, every time I hear the word cucumber I still think of Miley. “What’s so funny?” Jordan asked and the three of just laughed even harder. “They think they’re hilarious.” Nick said while slightly laughing, he knew of the nickname ever since Joe slipped up about it. “I still don’t understand?” Jordan asked. “Cucumber was their nickname for Miley when I dated her, so they could talk about her without anyone really knowing.” Nick explained and Jordan said, “Oh” While nodding his head. “So is that a no for the cucumbers?” Kevin asked and I only laughed harder. “Fine you aren’t getting any.” Kevin said laughing and going back towards the grill with his Kiss the Chef apron tied tight.

“So Erin, how did you two meet?” I asked randomly, I had never heard the story. “Oh we met in Paris. Funny story actually.” She said looking over at Nick who was making faces at his niece. “Yea?” I asked while taking Jordan’s beer and taking another sip. “We were at the top of the Effile Tower, and when I looked over the edge I got a little dizzy seeing how high up we were, and well I fainted. Lucky for me though, Nick was there and quickly grabbed me before I hit my head.” I smiled, “Yea well I had a lot of practice.” Nick said smiling at Erin then to me. I rolled my eyes playfully, “Oh?” Erin asked confused. “Yea, Oh?” Jordan asked the same thing. “I used to faint sometimes.” I simply explained. “Sometimes?” Joe and Nick said at the same time with raised eyebrows. “Okay so I fainted a lot.” I said and they laughed. “How come?” Jordan asked and I quickly smiled. “Just happened a lot, weird isn’t it?” I stated quickly and then took another gulp from his beer so he couldn’t ask any more about it. He laughed. “You’re such a disaster.” He said kissing my head and I smiled. Everyone but the kids and Erin were staring at me. I read their expressions, confusion and all knowing. So Jordan doesn’t know everything about me….who would tell your boyfriend that you were an insecure freak who had spent her teenaged years throwing up and being beat….yea, me either.

“Oh I’ll do this Mrs. Jonas.” I said and she smiled. “Thank you honey.” She said drying her hands on her apron and moving aside so I could take over. “Um Allison?” She asked and I knew what was coming. “Yea?” I asked with a smile and full of spirit, trying to act as if this question wasn’t going to bother me. “I know you hate being reminded of it, but Ally, does Jordan know what you’ve been through? I mean you’ve been together for so long I just assumed he knew but after dinner I’m not so sure.” She said staring at me. She already knew the truth, so why did she even have to ask?

“Um, no actually. I’ve never told him, I didn’t think it was exactly appropriate and like you said I hate even thinking about it so I try not to. I mean, it’s not like I’m still sick or going through anything so why does he need to know? It’s in the past and that’s where I’d like it to stay.” I said to her honestly, she stared for a moment and I knew she disagreed. “Well, if that boy loves you as much as he seems like he does he won’t even care about the matter, but I do think he deserves to know, that was a huge part of your life dear. Sure, we like to hide the bad stuff but sometimes you gotta share it with your loved ones, remember what Dr. Montgomery said?” I took a deep calming breath. “It’s just something to think about, and just a heads up, though you probably already know, I’m not the only one who will be asking you about this.” She said nodding to the window. I saw Nick walking towards the back door to the house.

Nick entered the kitchen and I held my breath. “Oh I’ll help.” He said and I bit my lip. Please God; don’t leave Mrs. Jonas, don’t leave. “I have some laundry I’ll go check on.” Mrs. Jonas said and I dropped my hands into the soapy water causing some of the suds to splash up and onto the counter...Thanks God. Nick came over and started to dry the dishes I would hand him. It was only a few moments before he spoke.

“Ally, does Jordan know?” He asked and I played dumb. “Know what?” I said handing him a plate with a fake smile. “Al, please don’t make me say it.” He said. “Then don’t.” I said dropping the nice act. “Why haven’t you said anything to him? You’ve been together for what five years?! Ally he needs to know!” Nick said quietly to me. I shook my head. “No he doesn’t.” “Ally what if you start up again!? He won’t know, you know the doctor said it’s best if you tell your loved ones…so they can help you!” He said. “Nick that was over five years ago!” I shouted and then took a deep breath trying to recollect the calm I knew I had somewhere.

“He still has the right to know. Aren’t you two honest with each other?” He asked. “Yes.” I said. “Well obviously you aren’t since you didn’t tell him about this.” “He’s never asked. So why bring it up?” I said. “Ally.” He said warningly. “Nick” I said back. He just sighed. “Oh like you’ve told Erin everything.” I said to him and he nodded his head, “Actually I have.” He finally said. “Right, you told her we used to have sex?” I said and he clamped his soapy hand over my mouth. I tore it away and started to spit the soapy water out of my mouth, acting like it was poison Nick had placed there himself. “We agreed that we loved each other and what we had was forever. If anyone found out we’d both be dead.” He said pointing a finger at me. What we had clearly wasn't forever, i thought before I spoke again, “So, wait you didn’t tell her everything?” I said with an amused look. “Whatever, I was just trying to help you.” He said. “Don’t worry, I’m fine Nick.” I said and he nodded. He didn’t believe me, I knew he didn't.

“Everything okay?” Joe asked us as we joined them in the family room. The kids were all on the floor playing with barbies and legos. “Yea, why?” I asked sitting down next to Jordan as he grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. “We heard yelling.” Jordan said and I looked up at him then over to Nick. “It was nothing.” I said. “Are you two fighting…. again?” Nicole asked. “NO!” We both said a little loud. The kids snapped their heads up but soon went back to their distracting toys.

“They are! Who had four days? Anyone?” Kevin said and I glared at him, “I had three, I think I’m the closest!” Joe shouted, I knew they were joking around but I wasn’t too thrilled at the moment. “Do they fight a lot?” Jordan asked towards Joe, Kevin, and Nicole. “Only when they want each other.” Joe said. I shot my head over and starred at him with an expression that clearly read “what the fuck?”, “Other’s mind power….for the song writing. They both constantly fight over who’s better.” Nicole said quickly covering up Joe’s fault. “Oh, well I’m sure you’re both really great.” Erin said and I smiled at her. “I’m so better.” Nick mumbled and I rolled my eyes.

“So ally you send Christmas cards out right?” Nick asked. ”Yes?” I said narrowing my eyes at him. What’s he trying to get at? “I was wondering do you send one to Dr. Montgomery? Because I mean she was such a big help and all. I was actually thinking of sending her one myself, and I wanted the address.” Nick said and I starred at him, anger was boiling in the pit of my stomach. “Nick what are you talking about?” Kevin asked confused. “Who’s Dr. Montgomery?” Jordan asked and I almost wanted to die, all because of Nick’s big mouth. “Ally’s old therapist.” Nicole said from the floor while dressing a barbie, without even thinking. “You used to see a therapist?” Jordan asked looking down at me. “Um yea.” I said still starring at Nick. “Oh okay.” He said and I smiled when Nick’s face fell a little, his plan didn’t work and he wouldn’t bring up why I had to see a therapist, even he hates thinking about it.

“She was such a big help, really helped you. Well all of us really.” Nick said and I sighed angrily. “Yea, she was. Why don’t you go write her a love letter Nick?” I asked filled with sarcasm, letting the anger bubble over a little. “Maybe I will.” He said back to me. “Fine.” I said, “Fine.” He said back. “Well good.” I said back, “Good.” He said crossing his arms and leaning back. Everyone just starred at each other as Nick and I shared a death glare.

“Why do I feel like I’m twenty-one all over again?” Joe asked. “Because they’re acting like they’re seventeen all over again.” Kevin said narrowing his eyes at us, the behavior was not acceptable in front of the kids. “He started it.” I said quietly and bitterly, I always had to have the last word. “Oh my god really Ally?! I started it!?” Nick said throwing his hands around to act all dramatic. I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t help myself, I knew the kids were right at my feet but the anger and bitterness came out of my mouth, full blown boiling and bubbling and spewing out from the pot of anger inside of me. “Yea you’re the one that walked into the kitchen and was all did you tell Jordan!?” I shouted. “Did you tell Jordan what?” Jordan asked and I mentally slapped myself.

“Only because he needs to know!!! What if you have the nightmare again Ally?! What are you going to do?!” He asked standing up. I noticed Nicole grab Kara and the rest of the kids and usher them into the kitchen for cookies. “I haven’t had it for the past six years Nick. And even if I did who cares!! It’s just a nightmare!!” I shouted standing up across from him, he towered over me. “Um anyone want to clue Jordan in?” Jordan asked from my side, while starting to stand. I put my hand out to push him back down to the couch, “Oh god.” I heard Joe say running his hand over his face.

“Uh if I remember correctly, that nightmare scares the shit out of you….and what happens next time you think you’re looking to fat?! Does he know he’s supposed to tell you that you don’t!? Does he know he’s supposed to remind you of how amazing you are!? Yea I didn’t think so Al!” Nick shouted at me. "Nick!" Kevin shouted to his loud mouth little brother. He sighed and ran his hands over his face then threw his hair. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to go that far.” Nick said and I just nodded.

“It’s fine. And now he knows. So don’t worry about it anymore Nick.” I said and then walked out of the room, leaving everyone behind, but taking my anger filled pot with me.