Status: complete :)
I'm Frightened That I Won't Be Strong
10.
When I heard those words fall from his lips, I didn't think I could be any happier than I was at that very second. I could tell, from the way he said them, and just because of the type of person he was, that he meant them. That he did love me, truly. That's all I had ever wanted.
But, then I remembered that that wasn't why I was here. I wasn't here to fulfil my own desire to have someone love me for me. No, I was here to help Jesse get through the next few weeks. "Jesse," I whispered as I pulled back from our loving embrace. He looked up into my eyes and tingles ran down my spine as I felt him looking into my eyes and seeing me. "How are you doing? I didn't want you to be on your own..." Jesse shook his head, a weak smile on his lips while his lower lip shook slightly. I moved to sit next to him and wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly into my side. I loved how natural we were, despite having never actually met before. There was no hesitation, no uncertainties. Jesse knew me just as I knew him.
After a few minutes, I realised that Jesse was shaking slightly and my hold on him tightened but I didn't know to say. I didn't know if he even wanted me to say anything. I could feel my shirt getting slightly damp as Jesse's tears landed on my shoulder, but I didn't care. I felt my own eyes well up just with the knowledge that Jesse was crying and I had no way to make him feel better. I wished I could. But I knew there was nothing I could do to make this any better for him.
Eventually Jesse's tears dried up enough for him to be able to pull away and smiled weakly in thanks. I just held onto his hand tightly. "So," I started hesitantly. "I guess you've got a lot you need to do?" Jesse just nodded while biting on his lip painfully hard. I softly ran my finger over his chin, making him let go of his lip. "How can I help?" He raised his eyes to meet mine, clearly surprised by the question.
"Really?" he asked, his voice no stronger than a whisper.
"Really," I smiled. "Jesse, I'm here to help you, to make this easier, if I can." He smiled softly at me. He leant forward and pressed a light kiss on my cheek.
"Do you not have to go home soon...?" he asked, eyes tearing up again. "I mean, um, I thought you were...on tour?"
"I was," I shrugged. "But I needed to be here with you. I'm staying for as long as you need me."
"Really?" he asked again and I smiled and nodded.
"Really really," I smiled. A few minutes passed and then I pulled away slightly and stood up, holding my hand out for Jesse. "Come on, let's get you showered and dressed." He looked up at me, clearly in shock and only then did I realise what I'd actually said. "Um...I mean...you get showered and dressed and I'll make you some breakfast," I said quickly, blushing furiously. Jesse blushed as well and nodded before taking my hand and letting me pull him up. As soon as he was standing, though, he was back in my arms.
"Thank you, Nicky," he whispered and I smiled and cupped his head.
"Anytime, baby," I whispered back, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
I left Jesse to get dressed for the day and I found my way down to the kitchen. Last night when I'd gotten here, I'd unlocked the door with the spare key Jesse told me he kept under a flower pot and let myself in. I had immediately gone upstairs in search of him. I located the kitchen and then started making a breakfast for us. I smiled softly as I thought about Jesse. He was exactly as I imagine him to be, his tousled dirty-blonde hair and his deep blue eyes, his porcelain skin, and his slightly skinny frame. I don’t know why, but that's exactly how I had pictured him. When I'd laid my eyes on him last night, I hadn’t even hesitated when my eyes landed on him. I'd instantly known it was him and immediately moved to hold him, to comfort him.
But, then I remembered that that wasn't why I was here. I wasn't here to fulfil my own desire to have someone love me for me. No, I was here to help Jesse get through the next few weeks. "Jesse," I whispered as I pulled back from our loving embrace. He looked up into my eyes and tingles ran down my spine as I felt him looking into my eyes and seeing me. "How are you doing? I didn't want you to be on your own..." Jesse shook his head, a weak smile on his lips while his lower lip shook slightly. I moved to sit next to him and wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly into my side. I loved how natural we were, despite having never actually met before. There was no hesitation, no uncertainties. Jesse knew me just as I knew him.
After a few minutes, I realised that Jesse was shaking slightly and my hold on him tightened but I didn't know to say. I didn't know if he even wanted me to say anything. I could feel my shirt getting slightly damp as Jesse's tears landed on my shoulder, but I didn't care. I felt my own eyes well up just with the knowledge that Jesse was crying and I had no way to make him feel better. I wished I could. But I knew there was nothing I could do to make this any better for him.
Eventually Jesse's tears dried up enough for him to be able to pull away and smiled weakly in thanks. I just held onto his hand tightly. "So," I started hesitantly. "I guess you've got a lot you need to do?" Jesse just nodded while biting on his lip painfully hard. I softly ran my finger over his chin, making him let go of his lip. "How can I help?" He raised his eyes to meet mine, clearly surprised by the question.
"Really?" he asked, his voice no stronger than a whisper.
"Really," I smiled. "Jesse, I'm here to help you, to make this easier, if I can." He smiled softly at me. He leant forward and pressed a light kiss on my cheek.
"Do you not have to go home soon...?" he asked, eyes tearing up again. "I mean, um, I thought you were...on tour?"
"I was," I shrugged. "But I needed to be here with you. I'm staying for as long as you need me."
"Really?" he asked again and I smiled and nodded.
"Really really," I smiled. A few minutes passed and then I pulled away slightly and stood up, holding my hand out for Jesse. "Come on, let's get you showered and dressed." He looked up at me, clearly in shock and only then did I realise what I'd actually said. "Um...I mean...you get showered and dressed and I'll make you some breakfast," I said quickly, blushing furiously. Jesse blushed as well and nodded before taking my hand and letting me pull him up. As soon as he was standing, though, he was back in my arms.
"Thank you, Nicky," he whispered and I smiled and cupped his head.
"Anytime, baby," I whispered back, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
I left Jesse to get dressed for the day and I found my way down to the kitchen. Last night when I'd gotten here, I'd unlocked the door with the spare key Jesse told me he kept under a flower pot and let myself in. I had immediately gone upstairs in search of him. I located the kitchen and then started making a breakfast for us. I smiled softly as I thought about Jesse. He was exactly as I imagine him to be, his tousled dirty-blonde hair and his deep blue eyes, his porcelain skin, and his slightly skinny frame. I don’t know why, but that's exactly how I had pictured him. When I'd laid my eyes on him last night, I hadn’t even hesitated when my eyes landed on him. I'd instantly known it was him and immediately moved to hold him, to comfort him.