I'm Frightened That I Won't Be Strong

My eyes opened and I instantly realised something was wrong. I could hear someone crying softly. Jesse. I instantly jumped out of the bed and followed the noise. I felt my heard leap in my chest when I saw Jesse sitting in the corner of the kitchen, his face buried in his knees. He was sobbing quietly and I realised that he hadn’t wanted me to see this. But I couldn't just turn away now. I slowly walked across the kitchen and sat down on the floor next to him. He only responded by tightening his own grip on his knees. I frowned and wrapped my arm around his shoulders, bringing him closer to me whether he wanted me to or not. Eventually, he whimpered softly and uncurled himself before quickly turning and holding me tightly. Tears pricked in my eyes at just how broken Jesse was. I tightened my hold on him, not knowing what else to do. "P-Phoned my m-mum," he stammered through his tears and I frowned. He'd never mentioned his mum before and I hadn’t wanted to ask.
"What happened?" I whispered softly, stroking his hair tenderly.
"She...She..." He swallowed heavily and turned his head further into my chest. "She doesn’t care." I frowned softly.
"I'm so sorry, Jesse," I whispered, pressing my lips to his forehead.
"H-How can she just not care?" he asked, burying his face in my shoulder. I didn't know what to say and I felt so awful that I couldn't comfort the boy I loved.
"I don’t know," I whispered, holding him tighter. He whimpered and just clung to be tighter.

We sat on the floor in the kitchen for nearly an hour and it was then that I realised Jesse had cried himself to sleep. I sighed sadly and pressed a kiss to the top of his head before I hooked my arms underneath his knees and shoulders and lifted him tenderly into my arms. I then placed him on his bed before climbing into bed and curling myself around him protectively. I didn't like the idea of anything hurting Jesse, but I had no control over things like this.

I woke a while later when I felt Jesse shifting on the bed. My eyes opened slowly and I watched him sit up. He didn't move any further, though. He brought his knees up to his chin and leant on them. "I can't do this, Nick," he whispered. How he knew I was awake I don’t know, but I sat up next to him anyway. "I can't organise a funeral. I can't phone everyone and tell them that he..." Tears pricked in my eyes for him. I wished I could help, but I had no idea how to go about doing this – no more than he did.
"I'm going to help you, Jesse," I said softly. "As much as I can." Jesse smiled and leant against my shoulder.
"You're helping just by being here," he whispered and I smiled softly.
"I wish I could do more," I sighed, wrapping my arms around him. Jesse didn't say anything. He pulled away from me and looked into my eyes for a moment before closing the gap between us and capturing my lips in a passionate kiss. I gasped slightly in shock and Jesse immediately deepened the kiss, his tongue probing mine. I moaned softly, bringing my hand up to his neck, holding him tightly. He pushed me onto my back gently and a small flash of alarm entered my mind. This was too quick. Before I even realised what had happened, Jesse's hand was under my shirt gently rubbing circles into my hip. Of course, I was loving what Jesse was doing, but the neediness and desperation of Jesse's actions worried me. I moved one of my hands to Jesse's jaw and the other to his chest and gently pushed him back. "We shouldn’t be doing this," I whispered and y heart clenched when I saw tears in Jesse's eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered and I cupped his jaw as he continued to lie over me.
"You don’t need to apologise, baby," I replied softly. "I just, don’t think you should do anything you'd regret later."
"I don’t regret this," Jesse said, frowning adamantly. A small smile curved my lips as I saw how stubborn he was being.
"I just think...you're upset because of your dad and now your mum," I said gently, not wanting him to get angry with me. "And I'm happy to look after you, comfort you in whatever way I can. But I don’t think we should do anything...intimate right now just because you're upset. I really want that to be something special." I blushed slightly, but ignored it as I watched him warily. I worried whether he would be annoyed at what I had said.