I'm Frightened That I Won't Be Strong

God, I'd forgotten what it was like to sleep on my own. I now realised that I didn't like it. Especially when I was very aware that Jesse was only 2 doors away from me. I so desperately wanted to go and curl up next to him. I didn't like sleeping on my own anymore. I doubted I would actually get a good night's sleep until I was lying next to him again. And due to the jet leg, I was so tired. I wanted nothing more than to sleep, but I just couldn't.

I bit my lip and looked around my dark room before sitting up and sliding out of bed. Screw it, if my parents found out, I'll just tell them the truth – I can't sleep without Jesse holding me. But despite knowing what I would say to my parents if they found out, I still tiptoed silently through the house towards Jesse's door, before soundlessly opening that too. I closed it quickly and then my eyes adjusted to the darkness and realised that Jesse wasn't in his bed. I frowned in a slight panic, but then his smooth voice hit my ears, "I'm here, baby." I turned and saw him sitting on the window seat. My breath caught when I saw him bathed in the moonlight. I smiled and crossed the room and sat on his lap.
"I couldn't sleep without you," I whispered and I felt Jesse smile.
"Me neither," he whispered. "But you shouldn’t be here. What if your parents found out?" I shrugged and lay my head on his shoulder, my eyes already starting to droop.
"I don’t care," I whispered and I heard Jesse chuckle softly as he picked me up and carried me over to the bed. He laid down, pulling me on top of him protectively. "I just need you to hold me," I sighed. Jessed smiled and placed a kiss to my forehead.
"Always, baby," he whispered as I was falling asleep. I smiled once more and then fell asleep in Jesse's strong arms.

I woke up late the next morning. I glanced at the clock and was shocked to see it was 2p.m. But I guessed that this was a result of the jet lag. "Hey," Jesse's soft voice hit my ears and I smiled. I raised my head and gasped at what I saw. Jesse's eyes were slightly red, as though he'd been crying, and had dark circles underneath. "What?" he asked self-consciously.
"What's wrong?" I asked him sadly, wondering if I'd make a mistake by asking him to leave England. Maybe being there was right for him.
"N-Nothing, I'm fine," he tried to assure me but I knew he was lying. His eyes were just a little too wide.
"Jess, you've been crying," I said and he frowned and rubbed his eyes before sighing and turning away from me. I sat up and straddled his lap so I could look at him properly. I gently cupped his cheek and turned him to face me slowly. "Jesse, what's wrong?" I asked again, my voice much softer and gentler.
"It's nothing," he said, trying to shake off whatever it was that was upsetting him.
"Jess, please tell me, I want to try and help," I whispered. Jesse raised his gaze to mine and stared at me, a small smile eventually curving his lips.
"You've already helped me so much," he said. I didn't reply, I was waiting for him to explain why he was upset. "It's really nothing, Nicky," he said, trying to convince me. "It was just something that Joe said."
"Joe?" I asked, more confused than ever. "What did he say?"
"Nothing, really," he sighed. He rubbed his eyes again and I knew he was tired. "It just got me thinking, that's all."
"Jesse," I whispered, scooting closer to him. "Talk to me, please." He looked into my eyes and then nodded.
"Your life is so complicated," he whispered, not breaking the eye contact. "You...you have a hard life. I mean, I don’t think I could ever do what you do. And...you don’t need me tagging along and making it any harder than it already is. I guess...I just don’t want to be a burden, I don’t want to get in the way." I stared at him, tears building behind my eyes.
"Jesse, if I didn't love you so much, I think I would hit you right now," I said and his eyes widened.
"W-What?" he asked, his voice soft.
"Jesse, I love you so much. You could never be a burden to me. And you would never get in the way," I told him gently. I could see that he'd been thinking about this for a while, so I gazed into his eyes as I spoke words that were 100% true. "I want you with me, all the time, everywhere I go. You would never make it harder; just having you there would make everything so much better. I don’t know how I managed before I met you, because I couldn't imagine my life without you." He smiled weakly and a tear escaped the corner of his eye.
"I love you," he whispered softly and I smiled.
"I know," I whispered, pressing my lips against his in a quick, tender kiss. "I love you too." I then pulled back and climbed off the bed.
"Where are you going?" he asked, grasping my hand before I could get too far.
"I'm going to go kill Joe," I smiled. Jesse just pulled me back down onto the bed and into his lap again.
"I'm not ready to let you go," he said, holding me tightly. I smiled, more than content to just lie in his arms. "Joe was just trying to look out for you," he whispered after a few minutes.
"Oh, God," I moaned, burying my face in Jesse's shoulder. "Good job he's doing if a day later you're worrying that you're no good for me." Jesse smiled weakly and shrugged. "Jess," I said firmly as I looked down into his eyes. "I love you and you love me. I don’t need any more than that." Jesse smiled and nodded before pressing a kiss to my forehead and holding me tightly again. I sighed and smiled contently, making a mental note to kill Joe later.