Status: complete :)
I'm Frightened That I Won't Be Strong
21.
I tried desperately to catch my breath as Jesse stripped us both of our boxers. My heart was racing impossibly first, but I knew I wanted this. I'd wanted this for months. But as Jesse lay over me, I was incredibly aware of the purity ring on my finger – it felt heavy all of a sudden. "J-Jesse," I whispered, pulling away slightly. Jesse pulled back, his lips leaving my skin much to my regret. "I...I'm sorry," I whispered and I actually felt like crying. "I can't." Her frowned, clearly confused and I raised my hand, showing him my purity ring. Jesse realised what I meant and he smiled softly and I smiled back in relief. He wasn't mad. "I'm sorry," I said again but he shook his head.
"Don't apologise, Nicky," he whispered, cupping my cheeks tenderly. He gazed down into my eyes softly and I smiled. "Maybe...we can celebrate another way?" I frowned at his hesitance and wondered what it was. I sat up and we both quickly pulled our boxers on.
"How?" I asked once I was covered. Jesse looked at me for a second and for some reason, my heart was suddenly racing more than before. But then Jesse lowered his head, and when he raised his head, the look was gone.
"How about we invite your brothers over and we have a slumber party?" he suggested. I grinned and jumped up, wrapping my arms around him tightly. "I'll take that as a yes?" Jesse laughed and I grinned and nodded.
So, that evening at about 7, Joe, Frankie and Kevin turned up at our front door. "Hey," I grinned as I opened the door.
"Hey," Joe said, happily walking into the flat. I smiled and then closed the door behind Kevin and Frankie, who were both a bit more reserved. "You got a Wii!" shouted Joe from the living room. I laughed and then Frankie ran into the room as well. I chuckled and then went in as well, finding Nick already in there. I sat beside him on the sofa while Kevin sat in an armchair. We watched as Joe and Frankie played against each other and then Kevin joined in. I smiled and put my arm around Nick's shoulder as he snuggled against me.
By 10 o'clock, we'd eaten pizzas, watched movies and Frankie was starting to fall asleep. We set up a ton of blankets and pillows on the floor of the living room and all found a comfortable spot where we could sleep. Nick's comfy spot was laying half on top of me, but I didn't mind. I preferred it, in fact. A few hours later, we were watching Shrek and Nick had fallen asleep. I still held him close Kevin, Joe and I continued to watch the film. "You know mum and dad will be coming by at some point and they won't like it if Nick is sleeping in the same bed as you," Joe said and I nodded.
"I know, the spare room's set up," I told them. I didn't like that I was lying to the people who'd taken me in when I had nowhere else to go.
"Jesse, can I ask you something?" Kevin asked and I nodded.
"Sure," I said softly, as Nick shuffled closer to me in his sleep. I smiled and kissed his forehead and he settled down again. Kevin and Joe watched the interaction tenderly.
"Have you slept together?" Kevin asked bluntly and Joe spat out the coke he had been drinking, spraying it all over himself.
"Kevin!" Joe cried once he'd recovered. "You can't just ask that!" Despite the question, I was amused at watching the two brothers. Kevin just shrugged, clearly waiting for my response.
"No, we haven’t," I said, completely honest. "Nick wants to wait."
"So...are you...?" Joe trailed off but I knew what he was asking and I smiled and nodded, a smile tugging at me lips. Nick shifted in my arms again and I glanced down again and realised he was waking up. "Have you bought it yet?" Joe continued and I smiled again and nodded. "When-"
"Nick's awake," I interrupted him before he could say anything too obvious.
"What have you bought?" Nick asked, still slightly asleep.
"Nothing, baby, just go back to sleep," I whispered softly. Hopefully he wouldn’t wake anymore from his half asleep state, otherwise he might figure it out.
"Jess?" Nick asked softly as he nuzzled back into my chest.
"Hmm," I hummed as I let him get comfy again.
"Love you," he said and I smiled, pecking his cheek softly. I was slightly aware of his brothers only a few feet away, but I didn't care.
"Love you, too," I whispered and then he fell asleep again. I turned back to Joe and Kevin and answered Joe's interrupted question. "I was going to do it today, but I chickened out," I told them. "So I'll do it tomorrow."
"Don't apologise, Nicky," he whispered, cupping my cheeks tenderly. He gazed down into my eyes softly and I smiled. "Maybe...we can celebrate another way?" I frowned at his hesitance and wondered what it was. I sat up and we both quickly pulled our boxers on.
"How?" I asked once I was covered. Jesse looked at me for a second and for some reason, my heart was suddenly racing more than before. But then Jesse lowered his head, and when he raised his head, the look was gone.
"How about we invite your brothers over and we have a slumber party?" he suggested. I grinned and jumped up, wrapping my arms around him tightly. "I'll take that as a yes?" Jesse laughed and I grinned and nodded.
So, that evening at about 7, Joe, Frankie and Kevin turned up at our front door. "Hey," I grinned as I opened the door.
"Hey," Joe said, happily walking into the flat. I smiled and then closed the door behind Kevin and Frankie, who were both a bit more reserved. "You got a Wii!" shouted Joe from the living room. I laughed and then Frankie ran into the room as well. I chuckled and then went in as well, finding Nick already in there. I sat beside him on the sofa while Kevin sat in an armchair. We watched as Joe and Frankie played against each other and then Kevin joined in. I smiled and put my arm around Nick's shoulder as he snuggled against me.
By 10 o'clock, we'd eaten pizzas, watched movies and Frankie was starting to fall asleep. We set up a ton of blankets and pillows on the floor of the living room and all found a comfortable spot where we could sleep. Nick's comfy spot was laying half on top of me, but I didn't mind. I preferred it, in fact. A few hours later, we were watching Shrek and Nick had fallen asleep. I still held him close Kevin, Joe and I continued to watch the film. "You know mum and dad will be coming by at some point and they won't like it if Nick is sleeping in the same bed as you," Joe said and I nodded.
"I know, the spare room's set up," I told them. I didn't like that I was lying to the people who'd taken me in when I had nowhere else to go.
"Jesse, can I ask you something?" Kevin asked and I nodded.
"Sure," I said softly, as Nick shuffled closer to me in his sleep. I smiled and kissed his forehead and he settled down again. Kevin and Joe watched the interaction tenderly.
"Have you slept together?" Kevin asked bluntly and Joe spat out the coke he had been drinking, spraying it all over himself.
"Kevin!" Joe cried once he'd recovered. "You can't just ask that!" Despite the question, I was amused at watching the two brothers. Kevin just shrugged, clearly waiting for my response.
"No, we haven’t," I said, completely honest. "Nick wants to wait."
"So...are you...?" Joe trailed off but I knew what he was asking and I smiled and nodded, a smile tugging at me lips. Nick shifted in my arms again and I glanced down again and realised he was waking up. "Have you bought it yet?" Joe continued and I smiled again and nodded. "When-"
"Nick's awake," I interrupted him before he could say anything too obvious.
"What have you bought?" Nick asked, still slightly asleep.
"Nothing, baby, just go back to sleep," I whispered softly. Hopefully he wouldn’t wake anymore from his half asleep state, otherwise he might figure it out.
"Jess?" Nick asked softly as he nuzzled back into my chest.
"Hmm," I hummed as I let him get comfy again.
"Love you," he said and I smiled, pecking his cheek softly. I was slightly aware of his brothers only a few feet away, but I didn't care.
"Love you, too," I whispered and then he fell asleep again. I turned back to Joe and Kevin and answered Joe's interrupted question. "I was going to do it today, but I chickened out," I told them. "So I'll do it tomorrow."