Status: complete :)
I'm Frightened That I Won't Be Strong
8.
Once I hung up, I let out a sigh and wiped away my tears. I fell back onto my bed, a smile pulling at my lips. If I'd let Jesse go, I would never have forgiven myself. I suddenly grinned to myself – I had saved our relationship. I immediately jumped out of bed and ran to Joe and Kevin's room. I jumped onto Joe's bed, hugging him tightly. Joe groaned and Kevin sat up in his own bed, alarmed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," I grinned. Joe chuckled and hugged me back as Kevin just fell back in his bed.
"I take it you sorted it out...?" Joe asked and I nodded. The grin on my face wouldn’t leave.
"Joe, I love him," I grinned, practically jumping up and down. Joe was immediately awake and Kevin sat up again too. "I really, really love him. Like...I want to be with him forever..."
"Aw, little Nicky's growing up," Joe grinned, ruffling my hair. I shoved him, while blushing slightly.
"So, when are you flying over?" Kevin asked and my smile fell and I turned to him in confusion.
"Flying over?" I asked and Joe rolled his eyes.
"Nick, his dad just died, you should be there with him," Kevin said. Oh, my God, he was right.
"I have concerts to do..." I whispered. I knew what I would choose if I was forced to make a choice...but I wasn't ready to make that choice.
"Nick," Joe said, frowning slightly. He clearly didn't understand why I was hesitating.
"He said the funeral would probably be on Thursday...I'll fly over for it then," I said. "Then I only have to cancel 2 concerts." Neither of my brothers said anything, but from their expressions I could tell that they didn't understand how I could be unsure about what to do. I did want to put Jesse first, and in the end I knew I would... I just didn't want to disappoint all my fans.
"Nick," Kevin said and I turned to him. I only then realised that I'd thought out loud. "Would you rather disappoint all your fans or Jesse?" I looked up, already knowing my answer.
"I love my fans..." I whispered, looking down. "But Jesse needs me." Both Joe and Kevin smiled proudly.
"So, when are you flying over?" Kevin asked again.
"On the earliest flight," I smiled and Kevin beamed.
The next available flight was at 3a.m. the next morning, but I didn't care. If it meant I could be with Jesse, then so be it. Of course, I had to tell my parents and everyone else that I was going, but my main priority was actually getting there. To be honest, I didn't care about the consequences; I needed to be with Jesse just as much as he needed me.
My parents weren’t thrilled about the fact that I was just running off to England, but nothing they could say would stop me. And I think they knew that, as my dad offered to drive me to the airport. I had decided against telling Jesse; I wanted to surprise him. I just hoped he would be okay with it. As I was on the way to the airport, my phone rang and I instantly answered it. "Hey, Jesse," I said softly. I could see my dad smiling slightly from the corner of my eye. He was clearly happy for me.
"Did I wake you?" he asked and worry instantly blossomed inside me. I could hear how hard he was trying not to cry.
"What's wrong?" I asked him, my voice gentle.
"I just...needed to hear your voice," he sighed and I could already hear his sadness ebbing away. "I'm just...lonely, I guess."
"Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry," I whispered, fighting my own tears.
"Don't be sorry, Nicky, you've got nothing to apologise for," he said and I smiled.
"What time is it there?" I asked as I couldn't be bothered to work it out myself.
"Just before 10 in the morning," he said and I nodded.
"Do you have anything to do?" I asked, sure that he must have loads to do.
"Yeah, I do...I just...can't face it right now," he said and I smiled weakly and nodded.
"Why don’t you take Shelly for a walk?" I suggested. "That always helps you calm down..."
"Yeah," he sighed. "Thanks, Nicky."
"Anytime, baby," I smiled. I just felt like hugging him close, comforting him as best as I could. But I couldn't. I smiled softly, knowing that in about 16 hours, I would be able to.
"I'll phone you again later?" he asked and I bit my lip.
"Oh, Jesse, I'm, um, not around later..." I said, hating that I wouldn’t be able to phone him while I'm on the plane. "Sorry, I'm, um, at work and I don't finish until really late, so I won't be able to speak to you until tomorrow..."
"Oh..." he said softly. "Okay, just...phone me when you can?"
"Of course," I said instantly, the upset in Jesse's voice nearly prompting me to just tell him the truth. "I've got to go," I said as the airport came in sight. "I'll speak soon, okay?"
"Okay," he said softly. "Bye."
"Bye," I whispered and hung up.
I turned to my dad and smiled and he smiled back and nodded. Although he was the one that had to deal with the concert cancellations, he knew that I was doing the right thing.
"I take it you sorted it out...?" Joe asked and I nodded. The grin on my face wouldn’t leave.
"Joe, I love him," I grinned, practically jumping up and down. Joe was immediately awake and Kevin sat up again too. "I really, really love him. Like...I want to be with him forever..."
"Aw, little Nicky's growing up," Joe grinned, ruffling my hair. I shoved him, while blushing slightly.
"So, when are you flying over?" Kevin asked and my smile fell and I turned to him in confusion.
"Flying over?" I asked and Joe rolled his eyes.
"Nick, his dad just died, you should be there with him," Kevin said. Oh, my God, he was right.
"I have concerts to do..." I whispered. I knew what I would choose if I was forced to make a choice...but I wasn't ready to make that choice.
"Nick," Joe said, frowning slightly. He clearly didn't understand why I was hesitating.
"He said the funeral would probably be on Thursday...I'll fly over for it then," I said. "Then I only have to cancel 2 concerts." Neither of my brothers said anything, but from their expressions I could tell that they didn't understand how I could be unsure about what to do. I did want to put Jesse first, and in the end I knew I would... I just didn't want to disappoint all my fans.
"Nick," Kevin said and I turned to him. I only then realised that I'd thought out loud. "Would you rather disappoint all your fans or Jesse?" I looked up, already knowing my answer.
"I love my fans..." I whispered, looking down. "But Jesse needs me." Both Joe and Kevin smiled proudly.
"So, when are you flying over?" Kevin asked again.
"On the earliest flight," I smiled and Kevin beamed.
The next available flight was at 3a.m. the next morning, but I didn't care. If it meant I could be with Jesse, then so be it. Of course, I had to tell my parents and everyone else that I was going, but my main priority was actually getting there. To be honest, I didn't care about the consequences; I needed to be with Jesse just as much as he needed me.
My parents weren’t thrilled about the fact that I was just running off to England, but nothing they could say would stop me. And I think they knew that, as my dad offered to drive me to the airport. I had decided against telling Jesse; I wanted to surprise him. I just hoped he would be okay with it. As I was on the way to the airport, my phone rang and I instantly answered it. "Hey, Jesse," I said softly. I could see my dad smiling slightly from the corner of my eye. He was clearly happy for me.
"Did I wake you?" he asked and worry instantly blossomed inside me. I could hear how hard he was trying not to cry.
"What's wrong?" I asked him, my voice gentle.
"I just...needed to hear your voice," he sighed and I could already hear his sadness ebbing away. "I'm just...lonely, I guess."
"Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry," I whispered, fighting my own tears.
"Don't be sorry, Nicky, you've got nothing to apologise for," he said and I smiled.
"What time is it there?" I asked as I couldn't be bothered to work it out myself.
"Just before 10 in the morning," he said and I nodded.
"Do you have anything to do?" I asked, sure that he must have loads to do.
"Yeah, I do...I just...can't face it right now," he said and I smiled weakly and nodded.
"Why don’t you take Shelly for a walk?" I suggested. "That always helps you calm down..."
"Yeah," he sighed. "Thanks, Nicky."
"Anytime, baby," I smiled. I just felt like hugging him close, comforting him as best as I could. But I couldn't. I smiled softly, knowing that in about 16 hours, I would be able to.
"I'll phone you again later?" he asked and I bit my lip.
"Oh, Jesse, I'm, um, not around later..." I said, hating that I wouldn’t be able to phone him while I'm on the plane. "Sorry, I'm, um, at work and I don't finish until really late, so I won't be able to speak to you until tomorrow..."
"Oh..." he said softly. "Okay, just...phone me when you can?"
"Of course," I said instantly, the upset in Jesse's voice nearly prompting me to just tell him the truth. "I've got to go," I said as the airport came in sight. "I'll speak soon, okay?"
"Okay," he said softly. "Bye."
"Bye," I whispered and hung up.
I turned to my dad and smiled and he smiled back and nodded. Although he was the one that had to deal with the concert cancellations, he knew that I was doing the right thing.